So, almost exactly a year ago I found out that my wife had had an affair with someone from work. It was more emotional than physical I believe, but they did end up on a bed making out until my wife stopped it. It was the third time they were together, the first they kissed, the second it went a little further and the third they ended up in a bed. (I have been able to fact check this with the help of the guys wife.) After I found out, I lost control of myself, up until then I had always considered myself a great husband and father. I am a stay-at-home dad and this is what I prided myself in. Do to the circumstances we are in, it was almost impossible to move out with my kids and so I stayed. Well, I turned to drinking (please for the love of God, don't follow in my footsteps) and for about 8 months I went on one hell of a bender. It affected my work (stay-at-home dad) and in the span of a year I could no longer say I was either a good husband or a good father. I quit the heavy drinking, but have yet to have focused on myself.
In a few months we will be moving and I am hoping that a change of scenery gets me out of my funk. I know I am not happy right now, but like most stay-at-home spouses, I have put my life into being the family man while putting my personal growth on the side and up until a year ago I was perfectly fine with this. Now I have no direction in my life. I can't honestly say with certainty that I love my wife anymore and it kills me. Just this last weekend she went on a girl's vacation and I felt happier with her gone. With that being said, if we could make this work I know my life would be happier getting to be with my kids all of the time instead of having to split them up and missing birthdays and Christmases. Part of me wants to stay because even though I am no longer as happy as I was, I know life could be worse. I figure the longer I stay, then maybe things will get back to normal. I've always heard that it takes two years to get back to normal after both parties decide to work on fixing the marriage. If I give it that much time though, I will be pushing 40 and the thought of having to start over terrifies me. Every time I have looked into what it is like dating now and it's just overwhelming. I just don't know what to do.
Any advice from people who have been in this situation would be great. The end goal is to be happy and still married of course, but I believe the secondary goal is to be married before being happy for my kid's sake. (I know, I know staying married for kids is not a great idea, but at the same time, both my wife and I are very loving in front of them.)
In a few months we will be moving and I am hoping that a change of scenery gets me out of my funk. I know I am not happy right now, but like most stay-at-home spouses, I have put my life into being the family man while putting my personal growth on the side and up until a year ago I was perfectly fine with this. Now I have no direction in my life. I can't honestly say with certainty that I love my wife anymore and it kills me. Just this last weekend she went on a girl's vacation and I felt happier with her gone. With that being said, if we could make this work I know my life would be happier getting to be with my kids all of the time instead of having to split them up and missing birthdays and Christmases. Part of me wants to stay because even though I am no longer as happy as I was, I know life could be worse. I figure the longer I stay, then maybe things will get back to normal. I've always heard that it takes two years to get back to normal after both parties decide to work on fixing the marriage. If I give it that much time though, I will be pushing 40 and the thought of having to start over terrifies me. Every time I have looked into what it is like dating now and it's just overwhelming. I just don't know what to do.
Any advice from people who have been in this situation would be great. The end goal is to be happy and still married of course, but I believe the secondary goal is to be married before being happy for my kid's sake. (I know, I know staying married for kids is not a great idea, but at the same time, both my wife and I are very loving in front of them.)