Love hurts - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 98 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 06:34 AM
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Re: Love hurts

I'm worried about the potential for more conflict in the next 3 days, as reality/finality starts to hit her. Is there any way you and the girls could spend 3 nights in a hotel? Make a little vacation out of it? She's really slowly going off the rails. She's started to realize that she's ruined her own life and desperation is setting in. At the very least, maybe you and the girls should sleep in the same room of the house for a few days. This will make her less likely to approach you, and they can serve as witnesses if she tries for the DV angle again.

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post #92 of 98 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 07:40 AM
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Re: Love hurts

@confusednAlone

You took swift action Brother and I applaud you wholeheartedly for it.
When she's skedaddled out the house the real healing can begin, just remember a few things, - we are all here to support you, you are not alone, you are not your XW carer or shoulder to lean on. Now's the time for you to move forwards and make a success of this next chapter for you and your children. They'll remember a strong pappie who lead from the front to protect him - and them from all this chaos, they need your stability and it's clear your XW isn't at all stable.

Please stay in touch as we want to hear how you're getting along.

All the best

'You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.'
Bob Marley

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Corrie ten Boom,
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post #93 of 98 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 11:22 AM
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Re: Love hurts

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Originally Posted by confusednAlone View Post
I mean she took her mom out. Her mom is actually a nice lady. Very quite and humble, she's very upset about the whole thing. She told her not to date right away and be a mother. She has no idea the daughter she has. I would expose her but shes already heart broken so no further damage is needed. Not from me at least.


I also should add that no she was not dumped, she drives drunk. I'm not just talking trash, I mean that was another issue that arose prior to the discovery, during and currently. She drinks a lot now and drives in this state. So much so that I had ban her from drinking in the house around the kids. Like I said before she's a hot mess!

Who needs a signature?
I think her Mom needs to know the whole story. Your STBXW will eventually get the kids alone. Her Mom needs to know everything so she can be on the look out for behavior that could hurt the kids. By thinking you are avoiding hurting your STBXW or her Mom with the truth, you are really placing your kids in harm's way. If you do not bring her Mom up to speed, your STBXW will continue to lie to her about her OM and that can only be bad for the kids. Don't do that.
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post #94 of 98 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 04:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love hurts

@Tatsuhiko 2 girls one boy and no they been through enough. She hasn't drank since the incident but her usual drunk Friday is tomorrow, so I'm planning on going out and if that doesn't happen I will definately be knocked out asleep with the door locked and var running.


@ (Danny4143) Thanks for the support and kind words. I will most certainly keep this updated from time to time. I promise it will not be daily, lol. Just a happy page to add to this what I consider the worst hurt and worse part of my life and hopefully the last...


@TDSC60 she is the XW now not stbxw, but I appreciate your outlook and direct approach. Her mom is aware that she cheated to my knowledge however she doesnt know the extent and shame her daughter caused my family and our kids. And that she is with another om currently despite her telling everyone except a few that know the whole truth that she just didnt love me anymore...


My kids are older and very much aware of what is right and what is wrong. They have been advised to contact me immediately if something is up and they text and call me regularly with updates when they are with her. Where one child misses something another one picks it up and lets me know. Plus she doesnt really stay with them, she usually just hangs out with other family wives and talks crap about me and the other husbands. I know this because well I know this. Lol Anyway, her mom has to live with the failed marriage. As do we all.

On a foot note, when she first was pregnant her mom, father demanded I marry her and warned her I looked like a cheater because I was young and handsome. I denied their demand and took my time. I married later on that year bc I wanted to and I did it in a church because that's the way I was raised. I proved them wrong in the end. I wasn't the cheater she was. They just pointed the finger at the wrong person. 16 years to prove you are not someone they thought you would be is my final smile to them. Thanks to all and I will be back!!

Last edited by confusednAlone; 10-06-2016 at 04:12 PM.
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post #95 of 98 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 10:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love hurts

I feel stupid for posting again but I was reading through and I wanted to make sure since some of you have been posting since I started that I answered most questions before I take a delay in responding.


She met Om at work. She does nothing all day. I mean I found out later that nothing meant, doing the deed with him instead of working. She was supposed to be like an assistant in the office and make deliveries. Of course I never thought anything about it because the workers were off limits.


That's one thing I stressed before she took the job. I said it's too free loose of a job with little supervision and i didn't want her getting hit on all the time.


That's how it happened. Despite her telling me she rarely left the office. One guy caught her eye and flirtation led to the affair.

Typical beginning, he advances she declines at first, he continues and she caves because I wasn't showing her love. He took advantage and said the whole song and dance about I will take care of you blah blah


It also buried her with the kids when I found out the truth and outed her. She of course tried to lie and told me it was another guy from the past job but I gained all the facts and used them to my advantage.

I felt the kids needed to know the truth so I told them. They were mortified and disgusted. She used the family car to have sex with him and my kids were in that car all the time.

All this led her to give up on even trying to fight for the house and kids. Plus I knew alot more.

A little more long winded than I planned but hoped that answered some questions and now that the divorce is behind me. I have no reason to fear that leverage being posted.

In the end and based on her actions. I had two choices, walk away and pay her to live her fantasy world and have my visitation scheduled or keep the kids away from her and not pay anything.


Plus they openly told her they didn't want to live or be with her. Even now she doesn't know that they just told me they don't even want to visit her when she moves. I haven't told her yet. Im waiting for to move for that one.


I'm not all for it since I do believe they need their mother but I support them not her. I told them when they are ready they can do what they like with her until than its dads crappy dinners everyday.


It will be a long road for all of us. My family of 5 is now 4. She's in the picture but at a distance and I'm okay with that as long as my kids are.

Last edited by confusednAlone; 10-07-2016 at 11:50 AM. Reason: Too much info had to remove a little. If read already please don't repost details. Thanks!
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post #96 of 98 (permalink) Old 10-07-2016, 04:17 PM
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Re: Love hurts

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Originally Posted by confusednAlone View Post
She used the family car to have sex with him and my kids were in that car all the time.
Ugh, car affair sex, hate it, am triggering! !!!
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post #97 of 98 (permalink) Old 10-09-2016, 03:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love hurts

It's been 24 hours and she has moved out. I had to move around some stuff because the closet was so empty. Im not gonna lie, as much crap as I went through and as much pain as I felt. I do miss her and will feel empty for a long time. Taking every ounce to not break down and cry. She left and said sorry. I haven't seen her since and wont until she comes for the kids tomorrow.

I just wanted to give this last update for awhile since coming here makes me mad and sad at the same time. Even reading other peoples situations triggers my emotions and I so wish I could help those posters since I learned a lot through my own experiences.

That day will come but not now and not anytime soon. I make a vow to myself to not only be happy but to be happier than I ever have been. I know words are easy and I have a long way to go with possibly some more heartache but I will have no choice but to make it happen.

I thank you all for everything and sorry you had to read my sad story that was part of my life. I'm grateful to the advice, support and information I was given since joining this community. It helped big time.

Next post will be a long ways from now and I will be posting an update on how things are going. Kids are good so far and haven't showed too much emotion other than a few tears when she said goodbye.

Take care all... not goodbye but see you later!!!!
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post #98 of 98 (permalink) Old 10-09-2016, 05:36 PM
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Anytime you want to talk rant, shoot the breeze please post, or PM, I know this is hard brother, I know this. Your in a sea of emotion right now, but now she's gone the real healing can begin, it will get easier.

Please try to do a little each day to move forward, be it take a walk with the kids, go visit family and friends, do something for YOU each day. Get that calender filled with stuff to do, plan ahead a holiday and something nice for you and the kids to look forward to.

Remember you are valued, this is all on her, it's her issue. You're in my prayers sir.
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