Alright first time poster but not new to this as I have spent countless nights and days researching, reading, seeking advice and still not there yet so I now turn here in hope of something. I know that sounds selfish and why would a bunch of strangers be able to help? Well for starters you and me are on here for different reasons but if you read my story and offer advice, I will gladly consider it and hopefully might be able to get that critical peace I am missing.
Long story hopefully cut short. Married 14 years, 2 months shy of 15 year anniversary. Been together almost 16, married when she was 19 and I was 25. We have 3 kids together, 14,11, 10. We have a home, cars, ect.....
Started realizing things weren't good 7 months ago, distant, secretive, late for bad reasons, just the not so normal stuff. Asked a few times whats going on and was told needed to spend more time. I didn't listen.... about 2 months ago my worse fears came to light.
After suspicion turned to me to needing answers, I eventually confirmed my worse fear, she was cheating and had a lover that she was in love with and stated the ever so cold "I don't love you anymore". She lied multiple times and didn't fully admit to everything for weeks until I obsessed with finding the truth. During this time she asked for forgiveness and asked for reconcilation. I agreed and after more lies and more lies. I realized she was lying about the R. She was trying to have op and me at the same time. I confirmed this.
After exposing the truth, I filed for a divorce. We are in the procress now. I will keep the children, house and she will pay me some for the expenses. I know thay sounds bizzare but she is messed up and has some real issues. Plus she is protecting op since she doesn't want him involved in our legal issue.
Op is younger, makes good money but cannot provide a better life as she stated to me. She wants to try it though...She broke my heart and crushed our kids hurts too because she lied to them too and they tell her this all the time. They picked me not only because she cheated but because of the lies and what she did to them.
Now I am faced with the scary thought of being alone for the first time in 16 years. I'm an attractive guy and decent shape, I began exercising occasionally but the drive isn't there like I want it to be. She still lives with me but will be leaving once the divorce is final. I had to agree to that for peace sake.
We already split most assets and so far we have been okay with each other. I love her and she doesnt love me. That's why this is so easy for her. Now for my end, I was a horrible husband. I didn't pay attention, didn't tell her or show her how much I loved her until it was too late. I didn't drink, do drugs, or abuse her physically. I treated semi good. I know I could have done better and when presented with the option to get better I did. I spent all my time with her, treated er like gold and how she deserved. She was still cheating though and lied to me.
I asked her why ask me to do all these things if she had no intention on staying and she said she didnt know. I remain this way for the sake of my own sanity. I have been trying endlessly to let go but everytime I see her, I think what could have been. We had plans for a great future and now its gone.
I can't see myself with anyone else and it makes me cry to think about her with someone else. At this point, I know its over and despite my pathetic hope that one day she will return. I know it will never happen.
Not only did she cheat, but I discovered all sorts of secrets about her. She is more sexually driven than I would have ever known and more than likely will cheat on op as well. She drinks alot now and wants to party. Talks completely different and is into things I am not. She was quite and innocent but not anymore. Its not like I didn't try to spice things up either. She would always say, I'm not into that. That's gross. Now thats all she talks about. Wtfff.... Im blown away.
My saving grace is finding out the truth as she had no intention of telling me. I would have been the ignorant hubby to a cheating wife. I'm dealing with the stress as best as I can but each progress turns empty. I need a path to get right, only now I'm not sure what or where it is.
Sorry for the long excessive post! Comments and advice welcomed and will be greatly appreciated.
Posted via Mobile Device
Long story hopefully cut short. Married 14 years, 2 months shy of 15 year anniversary. Been together almost 16, married when she was 19 and I was 25. We have 3 kids together, 14,11, 10. We have a home, cars, ect.....
Started realizing things weren't good 7 months ago, distant, secretive, late for bad reasons, just the not so normal stuff. Asked a few times whats going on and was told needed to spend more time. I didn't listen.... about 2 months ago my worse fears came to light.
After suspicion turned to me to needing answers, I eventually confirmed my worse fear, she was cheating and had a lover that she was in love with and stated the ever so cold "I don't love you anymore". She lied multiple times and didn't fully admit to everything for weeks until I obsessed with finding the truth. During this time she asked for forgiveness and asked for reconcilation. I agreed and after more lies and more lies. I realized she was lying about the R. She was trying to have op and me at the same time. I confirmed this.
After exposing the truth, I filed for a divorce. We are in the procress now. I will keep the children, house and she will pay me some for the expenses. I know thay sounds bizzare but she is messed up and has some real issues. Plus she is protecting op since she doesn't want him involved in our legal issue.
Op is younger, makes good money but cannot provide a better life as she stated to me. She wants to try it though...She broke my heart and crushed our kids hurts too because she lied to them too and they tell her this all the time. They picked me not only because she cheated but because of the lies and what she did to them.
Now I am faced with the scary thought of being alone for the first time in 16 years. I'm an attractive guy and decent shape, I began exercising occasionally but the drive isn't there like I want it to be. She still lives with me but will be leaving once the divorce is final. I had to agree to that for peace sake.
We already split most assets and so far we have been okay with each other. I love her and she doesnt love me. That's why this is so easy for her. Now for my end, I was a horrible husband. I didn't pay attention, didn't tell her or show her how much I loved her until it was too late. I didn't drink, do drugs, or abuse her physically. I treated semi good. I know I could have done better and when presented with the option to get better I did. I spent all my time with her, treated er like gold and how she deserved. She was still cheating though and lied to me.
I asked her why ask me to do all these things if she had no intention on staying and she said she didnt know. I remain this way for the sake of my own sanity. I have been trying endlessly to let go but everytime I see her, I think what could have been. We had plans for a great future and now its gone.
I can't see myself with anyone else and it makes me cry to think about her with someone else. At this point, I know its over and despite my pathetic hope that one day she will return. I know it will never happen.
Not only did she cheat, but I discovered all sorts of secrets about her. She is more sexually driven than I would have ever known and more than likely will cheat on op as well. She drinks alot now and wants to party. Talks completely different and is into things I am not. She was quite and innocent but not anymore. Its not like I didn't try to spice things up either. She would always say, I'm not into that. That's gross. Now thats all she talks about. Wtfff.... Im blown away.
My saving grace is finding out the truth as she had no intention of telling me. I would have been the ignorant hubby to a cheating wife. I'm dealing with the stress as best as I can but each progress turns empty. I need a path to get right, only now I'm not sure what or where it is.
Sorry for the long excessive post! Comments and advice welcomed and will be greatly appreciated.
Posted via Mobile Device