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I mentioned things like "I am such a horrible person to you" or "when I die, I will not go to heaven with you"...etc.
BINGO!By Candle
I come to a huge realization that my DH is not supposed to always make me happy. I am supposed to make myself happy. When I am happy with myself, I am happy with people around me. When I learn to enjoy free time by myself , I do not feel like I have to blame my DH for my loneliness as I used to.
By Candle
It's very simple. I just change the way I think and try to view things from my DH's perspective.
"He is not romantic at all" ==>I will stop that thought and ask myself "what have I done to be romantic to him? probably nothing and just expect him to do it all , what a b*tach "
"I hate it when he plays computer games"==> "Can I stop drinking coffee or stop doing something I like? If not, why do I expect him to give up something he likes just because I don't like it?”
When my DH tried to tell me something about his work (really boring stuff), I used to tell him "I am watching this movie. Can you tell me that later?" Then it's normal for him to call his mother who loves him unconditionally and would give him her undivided attention.
I could not complaint when I am the one who would not listen to him or to underestimate his ability to understand my problems. I made some changes. When my DH tries to tell me something, I would pause the TV and listen to him. I would give him praises and positive words to make him feel better. When he is stress about his work, I would tell him "Don't worry, I have a job, we will never go hungry even if you lost your job, so there is no reason to feel stress, just enjoy the challenge!"
When I criticize my Dh's weight, I ask myself "Do I like it when someone criticize the way I look? How would I feel? Do I cook healthy food for him? Do I want someone who judges me to be my spouse?".
I sometimes imagine my life without my DH and I do not like it at all. I told my DH to imagine his life without me, and he also does not enjoy it. We have to learn to be nice to each other and remind each other when one of us is being mean.
I am really scared whenever I remind myself that I almost ruined my marriage. Wisdom comes with age (hopefully), I feel lucky to realize how much I care about my Dh when it is still not too late. People do not always die in their old age, they can die of unexpected event like a car accident or even being murdered. It could happen to anyone. I do not want to feel regret for not treating my DH right if something happened to him. Gosh I sound old . That's why I respect my DH and older people more now because they had more time to experience and to realize many things. I am not even 30 years, imagine how much I know when I turn 60 years old! (I argue less with my parents now for that reason, they must know things I don't know but I think I know).
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CANDLE, I was NOT trying to be funny with my answer above. You need to seriously get much more wisdom about your Christian faith. Your statement above is a strong indication that you do not know or accept the very basic freedoms and richness of grace, and forgiveness that is offered by your faith. If God forgave Paul for killing Christians, then you talking inappropriately on the internet with a man you should not be talking to is not going to send you to hell! You need to be very confident about that fact.By Candle
I mentioned things like "I am such a horrible person to you" or "when I die, I will not go to heaven with you"...etc.
Good grief! What kind of faith do you have that will send you to hell because you secretly talked to another man on the internet?