why won't she just leave me alone?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 11-12-2011, 11:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default why won't she just leave me alone?

Wife tells me she wants a divorce 2 months ago, tells me the usual BS "I love you but im not in love with you". She tells me we will never get back together and that i needed to move on. Well i find out after we separate that she was having an affair so i guess that explained alot of what she was doing and how she was acting.

At the beginning of the separation I was in shock and felt it was my fault and begged her to give it another try and to come back but of course I didn't know someone else was in the picture at the time. She told me all the time that i needed to move on that their will never be US again.

After a few weeks i'm starting to realize that I deserve better and i've set my mind to move on and i'm fine with that. I started some the 180 things right off the bat and i've keep to it pretty good. I make sure my time with my kids is quality time. I have improved my outlook on alot of things and have gotten back into fitness.

I only contact my wife or her mother if its something about the kids but her mom tried to contact me one day just to talk and I ignored all her messages and calls. My wife has also tried to talk to me through texting or phone calls but i won't respond to her unless its about our kids.

My wife has been relentless on me since we separated. She has played the victim to the fullest extent and blames me for everything and if I said something she would blame me for supposedly putting it on her. She wanted me to move on and i'm working on that but it seems like she can't do it. I don't even do anything and i only talk to her about kids (very short to the point conversations maybe once or twice every two weeks). But she continues to bash the hell out of me on facebook and every other way she can. I don't usually post on my facebook but i put something a few days ago about hanging out with friends at a bonfire and having a good time, well she wasted no time going on the offensive posting stuff directed to me on her fb. (I don't check her FB but everyone knows us so i wind up hearing what she writes all the time) She wrote something about "you think your something well sorry to tell you babe you are nothing". Obviously I am Something if she are worried about what I am doing.

I don't pick for anything, hell i don't even talk to the woman lol. It has been a few weeks with very limited contact with her but her hatred for me still burns bright. She needs to just grow up and move on herself. Why do you think she would tell me i needed to move on if she can't let it go? I'm growing frustrated with her continuing to pull me down while i try to move on with my life.
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Old 11-13-2011, 01:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: why won't she just leave me alone?

Blaming you is easier than to look inside herself and face the ugliness in her soul.

Please consider telling the people who are telling you how she is blasting you to please stop. They are unwittingly serving as her delivery system for poisonous attacks against you.

Keep taking the high road and ignore her lunatic ravings like you've done so far.
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Old 11-13-2011, 01:33 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Yea, I always tell them I don't want to know what she is writing but they people always wind up slipping up and telling me. The stupidity she is posting is usually attacks on me for no reason and i'm tired of her trying to make me look bad. She probably writes that stuff thinking I am checking her page but I don't. I don't care to know what she writes but she must be worried about what I am writing because if i put something about me, it doesn't take her long to write her own stuff about me. The people that know me, and even some that don't, know what she is writing is false but its just annoying. She has become a joke to just about everyone because of her ludacris remarks she makes for everyone to see. I'm just doing what she told me to do and I'm moving on but it seems shes not taking her own advice.

It was her mistake that lead to this when she went outside the marriage. If she regrets the mistakes she has made, this sure is a weird way to correct them. Almost seems as though she is miserable, and is trying to make me that way too. But truth is if she is miserable its because she done it to herself, she made the mistake and now she needs to live with it.

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Old 11-13-2011, 01:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: why won't she just leave me alone?

Maybe the OM got tired of her and dumped her. If this is the case, it may explain her spewing angry and bitter attacks against you. OM are notorious for doing this once the woman has left her husband and wants to turn the affair into a committed relationship.
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Old 11-13-2011, 02:01 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: why won't she just leave me alone?

I will never understand why adult people bash each other on FB. Don't they realize how stupid they look??

You're doing the right thing...she dug her own hole. Good riddance.
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Old 11-13-2011, 02:12 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Maybe the OM got tired of her and dumped her. If this is the case, it may explain her spewing angry and bitter attacks against you. OM are notorious for doing this once the woman has left her husband and wants to turn the affair into a committed relationship.
Yea I don't believe her and OM are together anymore. Her she said something about that she wanted to remain friends with him (so i'm guessing they over).

That_girl---Yea i think its rather pathetic that she could keep bashing me 2 months after this went down. I don't really post much on my FB but when i do its positive stuff about what i'm doing that day or maybe words of wisdom. I have never given her anything to work off of since our split. I have handled everything with class but she makes herself look stupid by continuing to attack an innocent person, and everyone realizes it now.

I was just wondering when will her anger fade? Or is it just growing because shes not getting any kind of reaction out of me?
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Old 11-13-2011, 02:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Oh it's growing. For sure. She sounds like an attention wh0re, so the more you ignore, the angrier she gets. She does this bashing BS on FB to draw you into her stupid game. Bravo to you for not joining her party.
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Old 11-13-2011, 02:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Yea, I actually get satisfaction from the possibility that it makes her mad that I don't stoop to her level and play her games. She is probably also mad because she might have though that she could run the town OM and act single and have me to fall back on but now she is realizing that I'm moving on without her and she don't know what to do.
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Old 11-13-2011, 02:25 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Oh sweet satisfaction.

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Old 11-13-2011, 02:30 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Oh and of course if its not bashing me (she never actually uses my name but you can tell its directed at me). If shes not bashing me she will try to play it up that shes so happy now, life is great. I seem to remember reading somewhere a nice little saying about believe less than ___% of what you hear and ___% of what you see when dealing with a cheating spouse (can't remember exact numbers). But again I say she can't be quite as happy as she says she is if she is consumed with hatred towards someone who isn't doing anything but moving with his life and minding his own business.
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Old 11-13-2011, 02:32 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: why won't she just leave me alone?

People who have to keep talking about their amazing life on FB are usually just trying to convince themselves that they are happy lol.
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Old 11-13-2011, 05:03 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: why won't she just leave me alone?

delete her from your FB. simple. wish her for horrible mess
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Old 11-13-2011, 06:50 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: why won't she just leave me alone?

In the first place. Don't be so sure that she hasn't changed her position. Hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is. Just continue to live your life, and one day she will turn up at your doorstep offering to give you another chance. But it will have to be on her terms. I think the attempt by her mom to contact you, was her mom trying to let you know that her daughter may be softening. She was going to let you know that if you played your card right she may come back.
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Old 11-13-2011, 07:33 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: why won't she just leave me alone?

Of course she's gonna bash you. She has to convince a lot of people that she made the right decision.

Bravo to you to realize that she is, uh..."less" than what you deserve, but a part of me thinks that she is finally facing the reality of the situation-that her fantasy of true happiness on the other side of the fence is just that, nothing more than a fantasy, and she realizes that she f**ked up big time, and she may want you to take her back, but she has to still feel that she could control the circumstances, i.e., "You're such an a**hole for what you did and drove me to cheat and leave you, but you had better consider yourself DAMN LUCKY that I am even entertaining the thought of R."

Even if she had an epiphany and begged you on her life to take her back and you did, she would be telling anyone who will listen that she was the one who took YOU back, and you were the one begging on your knees.
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Old 11-13-2011, 11:06 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Of course she's gonna bash you. She has to convince a lot of people that she made the right decision.

Bravo to you to realize that she is, uh..."less" than what you deserve, but a part of me thinks that she is finally facing the reality of the situation-that her fantasy of true happiness on the other side of the fence is just that, nothing more than a fantasy, and she realizes that she f**ked up big time, and she may want you to take her back, but she has to still feel that she could control the circumstances, i.e., "You're such an a**hole for what you did and drove me to cheat and leave you, but you had better consider yourself DAMN LUCKY that I am even entertaining the thought of R."

Even if she had an epiphany and begged you on her life to take her back and you did, she would be telling anyone who will listen that she was the one who took YOU back, and you were the one begging on your knees.

Yea, she is good a twisting the truth to make herself look good in every situation.

Not long after our split she unfriended me on FB (i guess because she had OM activity on her page and didn't want me to see), well a few weeks after she unfriended me she sent me another friend request which i declined. So she is not on my friends list, but her profile is public and because she makes such a show and a fool of herself, she has a lot of people interested in her antics so they all go look at her page. This then leads to them wanting to tell me what she is writing or doing even though i don't want to know. I guess if she is not happy, she wants to make sure I won't be happy either. Its stupid that she could hold her own mistakes against me, but I'm not budging, she made her bed and now she will live in it.
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