Lucas
Nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes we think we know how we would handle certain situations, and we find its not what we thought we would do. Now you have offered the gift of reconciliation, the hard work is about to begin for you now. Just remember, even though you offered reconciliation doesn't mean you may not divorce later in the process. I'm not trying to say you can't reconcile, but you may find some of what you need to do more difficult then you thought.
Your wife has said she didn't become emotionally involved and that it was just sex. This confirmed by you after talking to her AP's. You say you are going in eyes wide open, then I say do that, but your eyes aren't fully open in my opinion. Just because they never spoke of leaving either spouse doesn't mean her hurt wasn't in it. What you need to see is she gave herself to someone completely. I struggled with this greatly, my wife gave herself completely to another man. OM have himself completely, so emotions were involved, no matter if you think they were or not.
I'm not trying to change your mind, scare you with the difficulties of reconciliation, but rather show you what you will need to accept. It's hard , trust me. But in order for renciliation to work you have to accept all facets of her affair, you have to accept emotions were involved. I tell you this to prepare you for what's coming down the tracks at you.
You will need to self reflect, find and fix the problems you brought to the marriage. This is hard without blaming the other, you are fallible also, and that is on you. The affair is completely on your wife, but half the marriage problems are yours. If you can do these things then that's great, but if you can't, reconsidering reconciliation may be in your best interest.
I wish you the best Lucas.
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