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Wife is "just friends" with male co-worker?

255K views 414 replies 92 participants last post by  No Longer Lonely Husband 
#1 ·
Hello all,

I have read several posts related to my situation, and saw many great insights. I too am worried, and would like to share my situation to see what you all think.

We have been married 18 years, most of it happily. We generally have a good relationship. Two years ago, we moved cross-country. It was difficult for her leaving family and friends. She’s had difficulty making new friends since moving here...except one.

She is a healthcare professional who works in a hospital setting. My job sometimes requires me to work nights. At her new job, she befriended a male doctor. He’s nice enough of a guy. He’s married and has three children. We have been out with them or social gatherings and have been to their home or family parties. There’s nothing too special about him as far as looks, just an average guy and even kind of nerdy.

Being the one who pays the bills, I review our cell phone bill and I view the activity. I noticed a lot of text messages between the two, mostly during work hours. It is understandable that they text while at work because they need to communicate their location, what they’re doing next, etc.

Just to be sure, I looked at the text messages on her phone and noticed they also talk about where to go for lunch. When I asked her about this, she says often a group goes out together for lunch. What really got me curious was that she first said that she “never goes to lunch alone” with him, but then later said “she rarely goes to lunch alone” during the same conversation.

I sort of blew it off, but that concern was still in the back of my head. As I went about to regular life paying the bills, I noticed several messages between them during non-working hours. What really had me concerned was that she sent him photos while she was out of town (he wasn’t with her).

Out of concern for our marriage, I again took a look at her text messages when I got the opportunity. I saw that the pictures were of food that she was eating and they spoke a lot about restaurants. I never knew my wife to be a foodie, but she sure appeared like it. They would send restaurant recommendations back and forth, pictures of menus and food, etc. Normally, that would not be a concern. But, she sent quite a few messages while she was out of town but did not text me.

When I asked her about this, she said that she didn’t think I would be interested in the type of food she was eating. This is when the hairs started standing up on the back of my neck. She was sharing an interest with a male co-worker, outside of normal business hours.

I had a conversation with her about him where I stated my concern about his intentions. I almost felt bad, because he’s a super nice guy and is quite unassuming. I even joked with her that if she were to have an affair with him, she would have a great cover because I would never suspect it.

My wife says that he would never do anything because “he loves his wife too much”. Does this mean they’re talking about each other’s marriages?

She says he’s “like a brother” and “just friends”. She also got upset about the move and said that he’s the only friend she has. Man, it made me feel bad and like a jerk! I felt like I wasn’t allowing her to have her own friends, but my concern remains that it’s a guy!

The reason this bothers me is because throughout our marriage, my wife has always had the opinion that men and women cannot be “just friends”, that something sexual is always possible. My wife is the jealous type, and I thought this was to prevent me from talking to other women. But now, I’m confused. I even texted that to her, “What happened to men and women can’t be just friends?” She did not address that comment and blamed my other stressors for me being upset and that I was picking on her.

I kept quiet for a while after that to see what would happen. I noticed the amount of text messages increase. Now, it’s not a crazy number like I’ve seen on other posts here. I would say they shared about 60-100 messages per month. My concern was that several of them (sometimes more than half) were during off hours (after work) or during off days.

On the most recent bill, I noticed the texts with him outnumbered mine. (I did a CTRL-F for our phone numbers). So, I decided to dig a little deeper. We have a family calendar that shows our work schedules. I took the past three months cell phone bills and compared their texting time with working time. Most of the messages were either after hours or off-days.

Again, these aren’t crazy numbers but there is still concern. For instance, there were 8 messages while I was at work. Not so bad.

Another set of messages appeared after I had gone to sleep. The conversation started at 10:53 PM and went until 11:26 PM. I was surely asleep by that time because I had a long day at work. Ok, getting concerned but there were only about 15 messages exchanged.

On a day that I had to work night shift, I slept during the day and there were about 8 message exchanged while I was asleep.

One day I had work all day and there were about 34 messages exchanged during that time.

There were other messages during my sleeping time, but again not crazy numbers. Just a few here and there. I’m thinking I either have cause for concern or she is just not wanting to text him while I’m around so I don’t get upset. Now I am curious to get into the phone and compare the log with the bill to see if there are any deleted messages. I’m sure that would tell me a lot.

Other than going out for lunch together, I don’t think they actually meet up outside of work unless we’re all together. I’m just concerned about the continuous texting. There are some days they don’t text at all.

So after reading posts on here about emotional affairs and such, I am concerned. She has found companionship outside of the marriage, although I do not believe it is physical. Heck, I don’t even know if it’s emotional. But to me it seems highly inappropriate to be texting each other outside of work.

I also looked into signs of emotional affairs, and some are there while others are not.

1 - Suddenly secretive - Not really, unless she’s good at it.
2 - Mentioning the other person repeatedly - Well, sometimes.
3 - Partner seems disconnected, intimacy changes - Not so sure about this one either. We often become disconnected due to our busy lives, and intimacy goes up and down.
4 - Partner becomes critical - Sometimes she does criticize me, but not a lot.
5 - Your gut tells you something is wrong - Well, yes. I am obviously not at ease about this.

Am I being an overprotective jerk? Should I let them be “just friends” and do nothing? Has anyone else ever experienced this? From what you’ve read, does it seem like they’re just good friends?

I do plan on addressing this with her, once again. I want to wait until I can look more into the content of the messages and see if any are deleted.

I was thinking about telling her that I often text a female co-worker after my wife went to sleep or was away at work and that we share an interest in (fill in the blank). And that we often communicate away from work. After seeing her reaction, I will tell her that I did not do any of those things -- she did. I believe it’s the only way I can get her to understand how I feel about it.

So am I stressing over nothing?


 
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#2 ·
You are not stressing over nothing. This doctor is actively dating your W. She is lying through her teeth about their relationship.

Don't lie to her to try to one up her, that may make it easier for your W to 'blame' you for her cheating.

It probably wouldn't hurt to verify that they are going to lunch and not for a 'ride', if you get my drift. Hospitals are notorious for cheating.
 
#3 ·
Lay low. Do not tip your hand re suspicions again. lots of red flags, in particular her inconsistent stance on male/female relationships.
I think you may , very well, be correct.
But, your ability to investigate will be compromised if you leak your suspicions anymore.
I am no expert on investigative techniques but others here may be. Just wanted to emphasize that if she is cheating, going to her for confirmation of anything is never going to be productive.
Best results I had was from hiring a PI and sitting back and letting him do his job.
 
#4 ·
Has she said why she is not making friends with any of the female co workers, I'm sure there are quite a few at a hospital?

It does seem that atmosphere is ripe for cheating, I would be concerned.

You didn't mention the time of days that your wife works, is it possible to go there one days and surprise her for lunch to see how she acts? If so monitor if she is happy to see you, or seems bothered that you showed up.
 
#5 ·
I would really recommend that you read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.

You wife is now in a full blown EA whether she realizes it or not. How would the Doc's wife feel if she knew her husband was texting another woman so often? She would be concerned.

Read the book as quickly as you can and you would have a better understanding of where this is all going. After that gave it to your wife to read.

Continue to monitor things. Let her play out her hand for now. Then step and ask that she not contact him after work hours and certainly not when you are sleeping. See how she reacts to this.
 
#10 ·
Folks differ in their opinion on this. But. to me, if her pants are talked off, she has a proclivity for this and you might want to reconsider if you want to play warden going forward.
For me, I would prefer giving her enough rope to allow for discerning this underlying proclivity. Then, I could plan my future with knowledge of what she is capable.
 
#7 ·
The healthcare industry has a very high rate of infidelity.

Swapping photos and numerous texts during nonwork hours?

At best, there is a VERY strong possibility she's in an EA.

Continue to investigate. What kind of phone does she have? Are you familiar with VARs.

You can go the PI route if your uncomfortable with technology, otherwise we have resources here.

There are certainly enough red flags to warrant an investigation but do it COVERTLY.
 
#8 ·
gas·light

verb
gerund or present participle: gaslighting
manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
"in the first episode, Karen Valentine is being gaslighted by her husband"

lim·er·ence

noun PSYCHOLOGY
the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.


For your reading...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html#post9756666

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

Best
 
#53 · (Edited)
lim·er·ence

noun PSYCHOLOGY
the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.
IMO This one is really REALLY tough to get over. Limerence is under-discussed here at TAM.
 
#11 ·
Don't focus on the text messages, they may be a red herring. See if she has any chat apps on her phone. She may be using the simple this is what we are doing in texts while there is down and dirty stuff on other apps.

Obviously this could just be paranoia, but what gets me isn't her. It's him. He has a wife and 3 kids and a pretty busy job. Why is he focusing so much time and energy on her?
 
#13 · (Edited)
Obviously this could just be paranoia, but what gets me isn't her. It's him. He has a wife and 3 kids and a pretty busy job. Why is he focusing so much time and energy on her?
...and he has a lot more to lose if his W gets a whiff of this.

@MWP, stay calm, do your investigation, then act.
 
#14 · (Edited)
Here's what I advise OP:

Get to her phone any way you can, and read those text messages. Also check to see if she has deleted any of them. If they are non-revealing and she has not deleted any of them, I would tell her that you won't accept her communicating with him after hours. Period. That is a reasonable marital boundary.

If she has deleted any of them, I would covertly put spyware on her phone to monitor the texts and/or put a VAR in her car to record her phone conversations (especially if you check the cell records and she is often calling him driving to or back from work). Wait a week or two, then confront based on the evidence. I'm confidant that you'll find something.

If you do discover they are having an EA or PA and should you decide to R - don't jump head first. Take your time to decide. But if you do decide to; one of the first consequences she would face would be quitting her job and ending contact completely. Check back with us if it gets to that point.

Sorry you're here. Keep posting.
 
#17 ·
Here's what I advise OP:

Get to her phone any way you can, and read those text messages. Also check to see if she has deleted any of them. If they are non-revealing and she has not deleted any of them, I would tell her that you won't accept her communicating with him after hours. Period. That is a reasonable marital boundary.

If she has deleted any of them, I would covertly put spyware on her phone to monitor the texts and/or put a VAR in her car to record her phone conversations (especially if you check the cell records and she is often calling him driving to or back from work). Wait a week or two, then confront based on the evidence. I'm confidant that you'll find something.

If you do discover they are having an EA or PA and should you decide to R; one of the first consequences she would face would be quitting her job and ending contact completely. But check back with us if it gets to that point. There's a lot more that she must accept.

Sorry you're here. Keep posting.
I agree on the phone. The easy way to do this is the next time they go out, he purposely leaves his phone at home. When they're out he says "sh*t, I need to call so and so, I left my phone at home, let me borrow yours." If she hesitates for one second to hand it over, there's already an affair going on.
 
#15 ·
Wow @LucasJackson, look at you talking about love bank deposits. You convert. >:)

But you are right. The more this guy feeds her into believing that their friendship is oh so awesome, the more likely that things will start developing into a full blown PA.

Since, OP know the Doc's wife, give her a call and ask her what she thinks about this. That such light a fire under his as*.
 
#20 ·
I've been having some really deep heart-to-heart talks with a reformed cheater myself. My wife and I are really digging into a lot of stuff.

Here's something I found out that makes me tell the OP to shut this down now. This may not be for all women but it came from my wife. I used to do "mate guarding". If we were in a bar and I went to use the restroom, if I came back and some dude was sniffing around my wife, I'd get very angry at him, and say something like "that's my wife, buzz off a$$hole!" If he said anything back he probably got popped. I'm a fairly well built guy, none of them have ever said anything back, they just left.

Anyway, as I got older and less hot headed, I allowed opposite sex friendships and if the same scenario came up I'd play it far more passive.

I thought I was being a modern male, the preferred type of male for today's ladies, for my wife. I found out I was wrong. She loved it when I didn't want any other men sniffing around her. That showed her how special she was to me and she felt safe and secure that she was my lady. The more liberal I became as I got older, the less mate guarding I did, and she started to doubt if I still loved her the same.

OP, trust me when I say every castle can only have one king. If you're not the king of your castle then your throne will be usurped by another male. SHUT. THIS. DOWN. NOW.
 
#16 ·
These are personal red flags for me through experience:
“he loves his wife too much”.
She says he’s “like a brother”
“just friends”.
The reason this bothers me is because throughout our marriage, my wife has always had the opinion that men and women cannot be “just friends”, that something sexual is always possible. My wife is the jealous type, and I thought this was to prevent me from talking to other women. But now, I’m confused. I even texted that to her, “What happened to men and women can’t be just friends?” She did not address that comment and blamed my other stressors for me being upset and that I was picking on her.
Now, individually sure it is different. You've got them all with late night texts, days off and travel texts. You need to calm down, which is hard, stop talking about the issue and investigate further. Yes you need to snoop. Yes, you need to have proof one way or another before you go in guns blazing.

The last one is the most dangerous to me. Men and women who do this are cake eaters. They want their spouse to follow those rules, but they do not apply to them. You have my favorite, least in context, red flag the blame shift of guilt to the spouse. So, you are a bad guy because you noticed an inordinate amount of texts to a guy off work hours, who she lunches with, shares foodie stuff with and is just like a brother. Yet, she became defensive and pushed everything onto you to make you feel guilty.

Yep, I'd be worried. My wife defended her friend the same way. He really may have been a friend, with no intimacy, but he DEFINITELY wasn't a friend of the marriage. Yes, she may not be cheating, but this friend can be dangerous to the marriage. TAM( Talk about Marriage forum) calls them "toxic friends," they can be of any gender and can be extremely dangerous.

I was thinking about telling her that I often text a female co-worker after my wife went to sleep or was away at work and that we share an interest in (fill in the blank). And that we often communicate away from work. After seeing her reaction, I will tell her that I did not do any of those things -- she did. I believe it’s the only way I can get her to understand how I feel about it.
No. We see this a ton here and it tends to backfire. It makes you a hypocrite, liar and if she doesn't react correctly she'll throw it back in your face. You've already seen the "do as I say, not as I do" jealousy. Also, you give covert permission it is okay to take it further. If she is about to cheat or has, you can't make her feel anything she doesn't want to in the first place.
 
#18 ·
You said your wife is the jealous type & said "men & women cannot be just friends".

But she has a double standard now.
She can text her co-workers but you can't!
Then she ignored your text about it!
And then blamed you & said you were picking on her!

They are getting closer now & I wonder what the Doctors wife thinks of all this?

If it's causing you serious upset in your marriage then you should ask her to stop.
Because no doubt if you were doing it, she would expect the same.
If she doesn't want to give up this "friendship" that's a serious red flag.

Definitely yes, she how she reacts differently if you tell her about communication with another woman.





Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk
 
#23 ·
The biggest red flag is your "gut". You know your W better than anyone, and you are sensing that something is "off". Unfortunately, many of us have experienced the same "gut" feeling and were right ... raising my hand here!!!

Gus seems to be the resident expert of gleaning info from cell phones, hopefully he'll be along soon. Give him a head start by posting what type phone your W uses and is it password protected?

If her phone is not password protected or you know the code, can you get your hands on her phone to do some snooping through her texts to see what she's really texting Dr. Love? Also, when reviewing the phone records, do they talk live or just by text? If they talk on the phone, too ... you may want to hide a VAR in her car to pick up the spoken words when she feels she's safely alone.

Also, some professions/workplaces are notorious for infidelity and hospitals are at the top of that list.

In spite of all that, I agree with LucasJackson, your W is spending way too much energy on an opposite sex "friendship" and you have every right to demand that she pull the plug on it, as you are obviously uncomfortable with their relationship, whatever it is.
 
#24 ·
"My wife says that he would never do anything because “he loves his wife too much”. "

Who do you think has more potential of having larceny in their heart?

1. "I'd never be able to embezzle money from that company. Their controls are too tight."

2. No way in hell I'd embezzle money from mine or any other company.

You see where I going with this, don't you MWP.
 
#25 ·
Okay, I'll play devil's advocate here. I think that there is a strong liklihood that she isn't cheating. That is really is a simple friendship. Look, I work in healthcare and my wife is a clinician. She is close to the members on her team. Really close. They save lives together and they watch folks die together...if that doesn't bond you, nothing does. It's a support network, too, because they lose as many as they win.There is a ton of cheating in healthcare because of this bond. That's a fact. If you trust your wife, then trust her. If this relationship is too close, and it is tearing you up, then tell her. If she's a healthcare professional, this is the norm, not an exception.
 
#228 ·
She is close to the members on her team. Really close. They save lives together and they watch folks die together...if that doesn't bond you, nothing does. It's a support network, too, because they lose as many as they win.There is a ton of cheating in healthcare because of this bond. That's a fact. If you trust your wife, then trust her. If this relationship is too close, and it is tearing you up, then tell her. If she's a healthcare professional, this is the norm, not an exception.
NO! I do not agree. People in the healthcare field are VERY HIGHLY likely to having an affair. A friend of mine is in that field, more of her co-workers are cheating or having sex with each other than not.
 
#32 ·
Bad memory is 100% on the mark. Wake up! Man up! Take charge sir as your wife is at the minimum in an EA. From what I have read, the number of texts and other info you posted I would deduce also it has very likely gone PA. The sooner you get the VAR in place the better.
Snoop her phone. Watch her email accounts. You know something is up or you would not have posted her. I was the same as you about 10 months ago, and boy was my gut right.
 
#36 ·
The mate guarding thing has merit.

However, I'm of the opinion that if they want to give themselves emotionally or physically to somebody else, the best thing you can do is to let them go.

I don't have the patience or the inclination to fight for or over a woman anymore. I would expend maximum energy looking for a smoking gun in their communication. Once that was found, I would just simply have her served. No warning, no fanfare, business as usual. Of course, except for the divorce papers that just got handed to her.
 
#37 ·
I agree. It seems demeaning to have to compete for one's spouse and ward off others after the exchange of vows, and even before. I am not talking about a willingness to protect a spouse from uninvited danger.
I can see there are a variety of positions on the wisdom of this, but one has to be true to one's own values. I would walk away from a spouse whose behaviors caused me to have to out myself in danger, unnecessarily. It would show me a lack of devotion and concern for my well being that I would not find attractive.
 
#41 ·
You are her husband and have been for a while. If she was never a foodie before, you can be sure that she's only pretending to be a foodie for him, to gain interest and create something for them to bond over. It keeps things from being "boring" and signals to him that she has something in common. It's the very stuff of early dating and courting days... Duh!

She's doing what a lot of women do - become mutable for the guy they are trying to impress. She may not even be doing it purposely or with real malicious intent. By that I mean that she knows exactly what she's doing, but she may not have any idea of the snowball effect this will and can have. Once you start rolling......

Your wife may have sworn up and down that men & women couldn't be friends, but she's not really following her own rules, is she? Do as I say, not as I do? Is that a good quality of a parent?

Maybe your lives have become too same-y and career-centric. Maybe you need to take her away somewhere exotic for a while and forbid the use of all phones unless for an emergency. Solidify your bond with her.

But nothing good can come from this relationship. It's just the beginning of the end... So my advice is to act rationally, but nip it in the bud before it goes further.

Also, back up all evidence.
 
#64 ·
You are her husband and have been for a while. If she was never a foodie before, you can be sure that she's only pretending to be a foodie for him, to gain interest and create something for them to bond over. It keeps things from being "boring" and signals to him that she has something in common. It's the very stuff of early dating and courting days... Duh!

She's doing what a lot of women do - become mutable for the guy they are trying to impress. She may not even be doing it purposely or with real malicious intent. By that I mean that she knows exactly what she's doing, but she may not have any idea of the snowball effect this will and can have. Once you start rolling......
Yea, when your wife starts changing her habits, she could be lining up her personality with someone else. When all of a sudden they're into something that they never were before, that should make your spider senses tingle. I'm talking about all of a sudden liking a new type of music or taking up an interest in a new art or hobby. This foodie interest fits in that category.
 
#49 ·
I would not plan to tell her that you are texting a female friend, that would only give her ammunition to scale up what she's doing. Lay low and keep monitoring, it's only a matter of time before you'll get her in the act of crossing the line.
 
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#51 · (Edited)
Wow, I'm amazed at the amount of replies already! THANK YOU to all who provided input, it's invaluable! For the Marines here, Semper Fi...former 0311.

You all have valid points. I think what I'm going to do at this point is lay low and watch. I don't have much to go on right now other than my gut instinct and a few text messages. So, I want to gather evidence and present it to her but I want to catch it before it goes too far.

She has an iPhone, and she pretty much gives me free access. She even allowed me to have my thumbprint on it to unlock it. But, the phone is always with her and there is not much opportunity for me to look through it. As soon as she wakes up, the phone goes with her into the bathroom. I think she's fine with me looking at it as long as I'm not digging, such as using it to make a call or text the kids with it.

I have downloaded an iPhone backup application for the PC that can scan and pull items out of a backup file including SMS, phone calls, etc. I have AnyTrans, and I'm trying iExplorer. I need to physically have the phone for this. What I've been telling her is that she has so many good family photos on her phone and I want to put them on the computer so they can be added to our Shutterfly account. That should give me the opportunity to plug it in, let it save the files and then scan through them later. I will then be able to compare the messages to the cell phone bill.

As for VAR's, she doesn't talk on the phone much with him...it's mostly texts. I have a Galaxy Tablet that I keep in our bedroom. I've downloaded an app called "Smart Voice Recorder". It is sound activated and can run in the background. I plug it in and set it aside to record, but I haven't picked up anything yet.

I do like the idea of a VAR in the car, though. To keep up with our teenagers, we have an app on our phones called Life360. It will show you on a map where the family members are. If she is leaving her phone at work and going to lunch, that could be fruitful.

I have to admit, it's hard to hear what you're all saying. It appears the consensus is that it's at least an EA. I have been seeking counseling lately for other issues, but this one came up. The counselor even called it an EA. Ugh.

For the other healthcare professional on here, thank you for your input. I understand your point of view. I know there's not much love for my profession right now, but I'll just say it. I'm a police officer, and I have seen people die right in front of me. I have had to tell families their loved one would never come home again. I also have female co-workers. But, I don't cross any boundaries with them. I understand that bond, but how does it progress into being a foodie and late-night text messages?

I forgot to mention this to you guys. Without prompt, she sent me screen shots of a few text messages with him during a "texting argument" about this. They were innocent, goofy, whatever. But, it's easy enough to hide or delete messages. It's difficult to compare those screen shots to the phone bill because of the time stamps. This was recently, and the contact has gone dark for the past couple of days. My emotions got the best of me, but I'm going to go back to the clueless husband role.

I should say that I don't want a divorce. I love her, and she has been there for me and I for her. The kids would be devastated. Once I gather more information, I will confront her with it and ask her to come to counseling with me.

Here is another aspect of the relationship I didn't mention before. She was/is addicted to romance novels. I'm not talking about the lovey dovey books, but the tie you up and ram my manhood into you type of books. She would read the books in bed, and roll over on me eager to have sex even if I'm almost asleep. At first, I thought it was great. Then I got to thinking, it's not ME that's turning her on. She was climbing on me with the scenes and characters of those books in her mind. I dug into her Kindle and Nook and found literally hundreds of erotica books. Being in charge of the money, I saw that she spent about $150 in just two months on these books. Keep in mind, these are e-books which are $1-$10 that the most or $15 for a box set. We did have a talk about that one.

Being 45, I'm feeling old. I don't have "it" like I used to. There used to be a time women would flirt with me in front of my wife. I'm in pretty good shape, but I'm getting older and I have quite a bit of gray. I have no desire to start over and date again, and I want to keep this marriage together.

I will keep you all updated. I hope this post finds someone else in the same situation. I hope this has a good ending.

Thanks everyone!

MWP
 
#52 ·
Being 45, I'm feeling old. I don't have "it" like I used to. There used to be a time women would flirt with me in front of my wife. I'm in pretty good shape, but I'm getting older and I have quite a bit of gray.
Don't sell yourself short bud. If you're in decent shape with a decent job you can scoop up a loyal 30 something no problem.

Don't let fear prevent you from walking away if you find out she has been unfaithful. Hopefully, you find out it's nothing.

Good Luck.
 
#55 ·
Good luck, my man. As a cop and former 03 dumb dumb (sorry, couldn't resist) I know you can handle the douche if the time comes. 0341 here. Forward Observer. Anyway, stay vigilant. Be more active with her. Maybe you two got too comfortable. Go out this weekend and do something together you've never done before. Don't be passive about this. So much easier to nip now then deal with cheating/divorce later.
 
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