My wife and I have been married for almost five years. We have a two year old daughter. I have tried to be a supportive husband and recently supported my wife when she asked to audition for an amateur show at a local community theater. She got a part and had rehearsal two nights a week, during which time I stayed at home with our daughter while she slept.
Turns out that my wife cheated on me with an actor from that show. She wouldn't have even had the opportunity to meet him had I not shown my support and encouraged her to pursue this hobby knowing that it was something she enjoys. She has not slept with him, but has had hour long conversations with him every night after I've been asleep as I found out when I got my last phone bill. In fact, two weeks after these conversations started, she told me she wanted a divorce and asked me to leave our bedroom and to sleep in the guest room. Now she has been having those conversations with him from our bedroom every night.
We are in couples therapy and since I have found out, she has agreed to end things with the other guy in order to give our relationship one final shot, but she doesn't feel connected to me. She felt like she could tell this new guy anything and that she couldn't tell me anything. She wants a relationship that is free, easy, open, laughing etc... How can we can get that back when things are now so awkward between us because of her betrayal?
I want to be there for her and let her know that she can tell me anything, but at a time like this, I know that what she is really feeling is a sense of loss and missing her affair man who she would not be breaking it off with if it weren't for me and my daughter. I don't want to tell her she can talk to me about anything, only to then blow up and get mad if she does open up to me and tell me that what she is really thinking about is him. I worry that as we work on things, she will begrudge me for keeping her from where she really seems to want to be. How can I ask her to tell me what she's thinking and open up to me when I know that her telling me what she's really feeling is not something I want to hear?
She says that I didn't pay enough attention to her during our marriage, listen enough, appreciate her enough, do romantic things for her enough, cuddle with her enough, but now she says she wants space. It's like she is setting me up for failure because she no longer wants those things from me. If I give her space, she will be as lonely as she was with me before, but if I woo her, it seems forced and contrived to her when I went so long without doing those things enough.
The worst part is that women want a man who is strong and confident and I was that man when we met. But her betrayal has stripped me of that confidence which makes it so hard for me to come across as the strong and confident yet caring man that I know she wants.
I'm sorry to ramble, but even waking up and going to work and getting through each day is such a struggle right now. We're each in individual therapy in addition to couples therapy.
Is it worth working on our relationship when she is saying things like she doesn't feel connected to me, attracted to me, in love with me, feels like she's "done" or do I just let her go an move on?
Turns out that my wife cheated on me with an actor from that show. She wouldn't have even had the opportunity to meet him had I not shown my support and encouraged her to pursue this hobby knowing that it was something she enjoys. She has not slept with him, but has had hour long conversations with him every night after I've been asleep as I found out when I got my last phone bill. In fact, two weeks after these conversations started, she told me she wanted a divorce and asked me to leave our bedroom and to sleep in the guest room. Now she has been having those conversations with him from our bedroom every night.
We are in couples therapy and since I have found out, she has agreed to end things with the other guy in order to give our relationship one final shot, but she doesn't feel connected to me. She felt like she could tell this new guy anything and that she couldn't tell me anything. She wants a relationship that is free, easy, open, laughing etc... How can we can get that back when things are now so awkward between us because of her betrayal?
I want to be there for her and let her know that she can tell me anything, but at a time like this, I know that what she is really feeling is a sense of loss and missing her affair man who she would not be breaking it off with if it weren't for me and my daughter. I don't want to tell her she can talk to me about anything, only to then blow up and get mad if she does open up to me and tell me that what she is really thinking about is him. I worry that as we work on things, she will begrudge me for keeping her from where she really seems to want to be. How can I ask her to tell me what she's thinking and open up to me when I know that her telling me what she's really feeling is not something I want to hear?
She says that I didn't pay enough attention to her during our marriage, listen enough, appreciate her enough, do romantic things for her enough, cuddle with her enough, but now she says she wants space. It's like she is setting me up for failure because she no longer wants those things from me. If I give her space, she will be as lonely as she was with me before, but if I woo her, it seems forced and contrived to her when I went so long without doing those things enough.
The worst part is that women want a man who is strong and confident and I was that man when we met. But her betrayal has stripped me of that confidence which makes it so hard for me to come across as the strong and confident yet caring man that I know she wants.
I'm sorry to ramble, but even waking up and going to work and getting through each day is such a struggle right now. We're each in individual therapy in addition to couples therapy.
Is it worth working on our relationship when she is saying things like she doesn't feel connected to me, attracted to me, in love with me, feels like she's "done" or do I just let her go an move on?