Can you explain how/why you thought it a decent idea to ask your h to get out of the house while you were messing with this other guy?
As other's have pointed out, frankly, that seems sadistic.
This kind of thing is what I'm talking about. She SEEMS sorry but NOT remorseful, but then I look at what she actually did to her husband, and it was so horribly cruel and selfish that I am amazed tha he isn't filled with loathing for her. To have an affair is one thing, to choose the OM (in her husband's face) and throw her husband in the trash is so much worse. Do you have any conscience at all, Working? If I had done this, I would feel like scum.
Why are you amazed they are still together? Lots of couples do stay together after an infidelity. Not all, but it's not something from another world either.
Beans, it's not the affair, it is the cold-blooded way she basically chose the OM in front of her husband and family, IN THEIR FACES, that is so much worse. She is the most selfish WS I have seen on this site.
I think people have been reliving their marriage through the thread and taking out their angst against the OP(I am guilty of this too). For what it is worth, the OP has been very patient and understanding in her answers. Realize that OP is here for some advice. But most of the messages are either judging/attacking her way too much. If you read through the 12 pages, she has been answering the same set of questions repeatedly and was not rude even once. Reactions like this can potentially scare away people seeking help with their infidelity. Just tone it down a little bit people.
My husband found out about the affair through my emails to the OM, he always had access to everything I had. I always left my cell phone around, he had such blind trust in me. If only he had looked at my phone he would have seen it all right in front of him.
The affair was short, three months. It was one of the people we had renovating our home. Although I take complete responsibility in saying yes, he pursued me with all the famous lines, everything I wanted to hear at the time. You see as my husband points out I was and still to a point very naive. It used to drive him crazy how I never saw a bad situation coming, or that people were manipulating me. On the other hand, it's what he loved about me so much.
While in the affair and thick into the "fog" I really thought I was so much happier than I had ever been. I was so blindsided my mixed emotions, and then guilt. I asked him to leave, which he did (he regrets not reading the 180).
Need some clarification here please. You asked your husband to leave because you wanted to continue your affair without having to look at your husband and feeling guilty for betraying him?
Did you and the OM use the marital home to engage in sex during the separation from your husband? I ask because if the answer is yes, then the marital home may be a huge trigger to your husband.
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We did not fight after he left, he had full access to the kids, I did not ask him for a dime, I really thought if I wanted this, then I would do this alone. Then Valentine's day came, and I felt sick to my stomach over the pain I saw in his eyes, we talked and decided to make it work. I ended the affair on that day and never contacted the other person, although OM tried his best to try to manipulate me into continuing to see him "on the side". I gave my husband the address of OM, and he drove his house and sat out front while on the phone with me. I tried calming him down, he was in a rage. He walked up to the house and threw something OM had left at our house while working here. Not a good situation, the guy was so paranoid he wouldn't come out of his house, and cowardly phoned hubby and apologized for the whole thing. Did my husband feel better with the apology? for about 5 min. He had so many plans of how to ruin this guys life, he would come up with ways that would scare the **** out of me. In the end he walked away.
It seems that you weren't emotionally invested in the affair but were in it for the seductive attention that the OM was giving you. If this is true then that would explain why you were able to end the affair so easily.
If you really want to help convince your husband that you are serious about wanting to rebuild the marriage and never again betray him, then you really do need to get back to IC to get at the heart of why you allowed this to happen in the first place and to prevent this from ever happening again.
Badblood how she acts here with us is not necessarily the same way she acts with her husband. She needs professional help something which this forum is not capable of providing.
I would hope not, because she comes across as very selfish and cruel. Maybe that is the persona she projects in public and she is more connected in private, who knows. I bear her no ill will, and have been pretty harsh, I admit. I expect you are right, she definitely needs professional help.
Warlock, I know.Sometimes I get carried away, and I do apologize to the OP and the other posters. In my circumstance, sometimes it gets the better of me. I have had to deal with this for months now, and sometimes I need to vent. I will start my own venting thread, and only try to give impartial advice , in the future.
Yes, I do not think this woman is any more messed up than the typical cheater. She has a shot at fixing this.
These cheaters, in many cases, are pretty screwed up in terms of their ability to think rationally , for some time after cheating.
We hear weird things. like the guy sexually awakening her, or how he pursued her and said all the right things.
On anither thread, a cheating wife is pointing to the sensitivity of her neck area as playing a role in her decision to cheat.
I expect the halfway bright, non -disordered cheaters, eventually, are mortified by their excuses. But, regardless of smarts, it seems to take quite a while before they see how cruel and immature they were.
That's exactly what he is saying, and when d/day occured, I told him that I didn't want to do that to his family, hubby was furious with me that I should feel the need to protect him and his family. Grrrr, I know it has to be done, but even after all these months, does it make sense? is it revenge? Hubby wants to do it at x-mas time and ruin his holidays just as his holidays were ruined last year.
I just feel it is pointless at this time, but on the other hand it would also show hubby that I am supporting him on this decision.
He wants the OM to have to suffer exactly the same way both you and OM caused your husband and your family to suffer! He's evening the score! I sense you're still trying to protect the OM in some slick way.....
He wants the OM to have to suffer exactly the same way both you and OM caused your husband and your family to suffer! He's evening the score! I sense you're still trying to protect the OM in some slick way.....
Maybe you should read her new thread. Her H exposed the A to OMW. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: What Else Can I do? 
