I did. She didn't believe me when I said my trigger was nothing she did. She said I was just protecting her from guilt and I shouldn't do that so I showed her the article. That also made her feel like sh*t. She read it then said what a shallow and horrible woman and she's the same as her. Then she cried. I wanted to avoid all this. Maybe we shouldn't. I still don't understand how someone so casually screws up other people's lives because they feel like that they haven't f*cked enough different people? I just don't understand. I might have taken it better if I got the "It just happened and we're madly in love. Goodbye." At least then they think it's love that they're hurting other people over. The reason I'm having to learn to accept wasn't anything as significant or powerful as love. It was just curiosity about other people's d*cks. At the end of the day that's all it took to hurt me so bad. Oh well, I'm calming down a bit. One "gift" I'm starting to develop after all this is a bit more of a nihilist view of the world. In the end none of this means anything. The joy of wedded bliss or the excruciating pain of betrayal. None of it really means anything. C'est la vie.
Lucas, you and your wife are learning, many mistakes, trials, and struggles will occur throughout your reconciliation. Triggers will hit, emotions will run rampant at times. All of this needs to be communicated with each other, if not, then neither if you can grow. Your wife needs to know your triggers, needs to know your emotions and how fleeting they sometimes are. She needs this to grow, to understand fully what she has done. Communicating with her about these is vulnerability by you, her reaction to this vulnerability allows you to begin to trust again. It also shows her what you are feeling unsafe about, and what she needs to do to make you feel safer.
Not long ago I made a huge mistake, I couldn't see it and it had to be pointed out by many here. I triggered, we were busy and did not have a chance to discuss the trigger. So I suppressed the trigger, but the trigger hit worse then I thought, I should have communicated with my wife regardless of how busy. At a family gathering my wife found out her sister was going through financial infidelity. My wife acted out disrespectfully to me, and I combined that with my trigger. By combining these two incidents it created a far larger storm then necessary. I didn't own my trigger, I didn't communicate, and I coped terribly. My wife allowed her emotions to get the best of her and acted out disrespectfully. This is a very rare outburst, she hadn't done this before, but stress got the better of her. Much like the anger from your trigger got the best of you when you talked to your wife.
Communication is a huge factor in being able to reconcile. You triggered and should have spoken to your wife, instead you communicated poorly and treated her badly. When she read what triggered you, you saw her reaction, you saw her emotion, you know how terrible she feels. But she needs to feel that, this is how she will grow, by fully accepting all of her choices and how they affect you. However you can't communicate with profanity, yet at the same time you are learning new communication, outbursts like you had will help nobody, in fact it only lays more of a foundation to continue bad communication.
I wish you the best of luck Lucas, and @farsidejunky
I apologize for the thread jack. Posted via Mobile Device