Husband is rugsweeping the affair - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #46 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 01:19 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

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Originally Posted by Ognimod13 View Post
One day at a time. It's not as easy as just saying , hey guys my wife cheated. Thoughts?

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post #47 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 01:45 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

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Originally Posted by Ognimod13 View Post
One day at a time. It's not as easy as just saying , hey guys my wife cheated. Thoughts?
Maybe just copy your initial post from this thread and use that to start your own. You can expand from there.
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Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #48 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 02:01 AM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

Might still be processing, be wary thought, it might all blow up soon
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post #49 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 01:38 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

OP this will not end well. One of two things are going to happen. He is either going to literally explode when the gravity of what you did hits him or you are going to discover that he is letting this go because he himself has been cheating. He might have be projecting when he told you that you were in a rough patch so he understood. You also need to be honest with yourself. You knew what you were doing was wrong when you did it and you did it out of anger. You could have cheated with anybody but you chose to cheat with your husbands friend up against your bed. People are telling you to divorce because odds are you won't make it and you might as well cut your losses before you throw kids into the mix. He will never trust you again.
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post #50 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 07:10 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

Has the OP returned?
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post #51 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 08:09 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

I think the biggest favor you can do for him is to just leave him. Sooner or later after he processes this the anger will set in.


"If more people were judgmental, then maybe there would be less infidelity"
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post #52 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 05:15 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

I got married when I was 20 and we are married over 40 years. It has been a great marriage. It has also been a non monogamous one. Cheating is only cheating if there is a rule that is being broken. No rule, no cheating is possible. I have always been poly and my wife knew that before we married. At first we gave monogamy a try. I had sex with three girls in our first year of marriage. However, I also bought my wife a new home and showed her more love than she ever got from her parents. She was very happy with our life. Having sex with someone else did not mean that I no longer loved my wife. It was just sex for pleasure and I do not believe that marriage means that I own my wife or she owns me. Not a popular view but you cannot argue with success.

The first time I told my wife that I spent the night with a model in town for a photo shoot, all she said was don't do it again. As most know, a person's past behavior is a pretty good indicator of their future behavior and so it was with me. My wife did not want a divorce and said she knew that I would never leave her so she decided to join me. We tried some wife swapping and soft swinging but she did not enjoy sex with people she had no feelings for and said I was enough man for her and did not want to have sex with other men anymore. So we stopped. Then my wife did something that probably no wife here would do, in fact most will not believe but look me up in many forums and you will find the same story dating back for years.

My wife knew that I was not the monogamous type but also knew that I deeply loved her. We were engaged 3 weeks after we met. She also was living a lifestyle that she never dreamed she would have. She was very happy with our marriage. One night she asked her best friend to have sex with me. Her friend was recently divorced and horny and she had a crush on me and was a long time friend of mine too. So we had sex afterwhich I asked my wife to join us. Long story short, we all liked it so much that we formed a poly triad and the three of us had a fantastic life together. Our girlfriend even found a guy to marry who was poly so she split her time between her two relationships. We were together for most of our 44 years of marriage and never once had a problem due to our poly lifestyle.

As I said, not your typical marriage or solution to infidelity but we wanted to make it work and we did. Not all people can view sex as just sex and that you can love more than one person much like you do with all of your family members. Morality dictates that I first kick my wife out of my life, destroy all we built together before I can morally have a one night stand with a woman. Seems crazy to me but I am in the minority. Along the way my wife discovered her bisexuality which she had suppressed due to her religious upbringing. She is much happier now and with two women in my life that love me, I no longer had to have anyone else. We all got what we needed. Sounds crazy but to use it was just our normal life.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality. Most accept whatever morality they are born into, much like religion and then somehow feel that theirs is the true path and are superior to others with different beliefs.
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post #53 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 05:52 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

VinnyDee I think its great you have this magic lifestyle, but what does that have to do with this thread?

Why not start a thread in General and begin a healthy debate? What you are doing here is threadjacking.

Last edited by bandit.45; 10-04-2016 at 05:56 PM.
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post #54 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 05:56 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

MattMatt or EleGirl, can you please lock this thread?
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post #55 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 12:57 PM
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Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair

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Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
At first we gave monogamy a try. I had sex with three girls in our first year of marriage.
Maybe you should of tried a little harder....


“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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