Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Husband is rugsweeping the affair
I got married when I was 20 and we are married over 40 years. It has been a great marriage. It has also been a non monogamous one. Cheating is only cheating if there is a rule that is being broken. No rule, no cheating is possible. I have always been poly and my wife knew that before we married. At first we gave monogamy a try. I had sex with three girls in our first year of marriage. However, I also bought my wife a new home and showed her more love than she ever got from her parents. She was very happy with our life. Having sex with someone else did not mean that I no longer loved my wife. It was just sex for pleasure and I do not believe that marriage means that I own my wife or she owns me. Not a popular view but you cannot argue with success.
The first time I told my wife that I spent the night with a model in town for a photo shoot, all she said was don't do it again. As most know, a person's past behavior is a pretty good indicator of their future behavior and so it was with me. My wife did not want a divorce and said she knew that I would never leave her so she decided to join me. We tried some wife swapping and soft swinging but she did not enjoy sex with people she had no feelings for and said I was enough man for her and did not want to have sex with other men anymore. So we stopped. Then my wife did something that probably no wife here would do, in fact most will not believe but look me up in many forums and you will find the same story dating back for years.
My wife knew that I was not the monogamous type but also knew that I deeply loved her. We were engaged 3 weeks after we met. She also was living a lifestyle that she never dreamed she would have. She was very happy with our marriage. One night she asked her best friend to have sex with me. Her friend was recently divorced and horny and she had a crush on me and was a long time friend of mine too. So we had sex afterwhich I asked my wife to join us. Long story short, we all liked it so much that we formed a poly triad and the three of us had a fantastic life together. Our girlfriend even found a guy to marry who was poly so she split her time between her two relationships. We were together for most of our 44 years of marriage and never once had a problem due to our poly lifestyle.
As I said, not your typical marriage or solution to infidelity but we wanted to make it work and we did. Not all people can view sex as just sex and that you can love more than one person much like you do with all of your family members. Morality dictates that I first kick my wife out of my life, destroy all we built together before I can morally have a one night stand with a woman. Seems crazy to me but I am in the minority. Along the way my wife discovered her bisexuality which she had suppressed due to her religious upbringing. She is much happier now and with two women in my life that love me, I no longer had to have anyone else. We all got what we needed. Sounds crazy but to use it was just our normal life.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.