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This Site Has...

7K views 52 replies 31 participants last post by  Almostrecovered 
#1 ·
...aboutthe highest % of betrayed men posting that I have come across. On other sites, it is about 3 or 4 to one, at least, betrayed women vs men. Here , there are so many men.

I hate to say it, but I am glad this is the case,as it seems to be common that people consider men as the main offenders in the infidelity arena.
I just wonder why more betrayed men seem to gravitate to this site, vs others.
My guess is that this site seems more tolerant ofpeople advising divorce and people characterizing cheaters as evil/bad etc vs merely broken or confused.
I know that surviving infidelity site is very protective of cheaters and folks get banned a lot for recommending divorce or castigating cheaters, even i a respectful tone.
Do folks get bamed here for that?
 
#2 ·
This site has given me the most support, advice and emperical evidence needed to help me through my darkest times.
The women are honest.
The men are honest.
They don't bash each other, and they help each other.
I have had fantastic support from both genders on here, and honest advice from people who have been there before me.
 
#3 ·
I was thinking about this topic this morning. A good 80% of the stories here tend to be about wife's cheaing on their husbands.

It's good to have an outlet for everyone to talk about these issues that have impacted their lives. I wish I had this place when I was actively going through this, rather than only in the aftermath. It's still helped me tremendously.

I will admit though, it's made me a little paranoid about the future. I think I'll always hesitate before giving (and perhaps never give) someone my 100% trust anyway, and the stories here confirm that though.
 
#4 ·
Yes, I agree.

But, what do you think it isabout this site that draws so many betrayed men? Do we google things in a certain way that makes this pop up?
If you google infidelity forums, it is not near the top of the list.
And, it is dramatic, the % difference here vs almost any other site.
 
#6 ·
I'm sure it's just ebbs and flows of the board as the balance was much more even when I first joined, doubt that the lopsidedness existed all the time, amplexor would be more apt to tell you if this is just abnormality or the general trend

fwiw, I was on another board that was more dominately females coming to post and that board was more itchy on the "LEAVE HIM!" advice than it is here
 
#11 ·
Yeah, they do allow more bashing here. But, it is usually done to some BS that is in denial. This site also seems more tolerant of making pejorative generalizations(which I , generally, agree with) about cheaters.

I have always hated thevinsistence on survivinginfidelity of calling people that cheat "wayward". What was Ted Bundy ,"misguided"?
 
#50 ·
Oh, my favorite one is when a cheater will call what they did a "mistake".

There was no mistake. First, they did what the did because they wanted to.

Second, to call it a mistake is an attempt to downplay their despicable actions.

Its the whole "It was a mistake, everyone makes them, we are all human"....blah blah blah, boo-effin-hoo.:rolleyes:
 
#13 ·
I know that surviving infidelity site is very protective of cheaters and folks get banned a lot for recommending divorce or castigating cheaters, even i a respectful tone.
Do folks get bamed here for that?
As long as the posts are respectful people don't get banned for either stance. We've banned both Pro-D and Pro-R members simply because they didn't follow forum rules even after receiving a warning or temporary ban. What I do hate to see is when a cheater starts a thread looking for help in repairing their marriage or dealing with their guilt getting lambasted so hard the leave after a few posts and get nothing from the site but a cyber pillory. Some of our members who have made their way back from being the wayward to happily married, have given the forum great insight from a different perspective than those of us that have been betrayed.

As far as the male/female mix goes, it seems to pendulum back and forth. The mix is not that wives cheat more, but a common theme I've always noticed in the forum is that "in general" women tend to come here looking for solutions to existing problems in their marriage. While men (dumb bastards like me) tend to come here shell shocked, posting that we just got the ILYBANILWY speech and wondering WTF? So the question to me is, are women more pro-active in addressing issues in the marriage and men more reactive? That certainly fit the bill for our situation a few years ago.
 
#21 ·
As a betrayed husband, maybe my eyes were opened to a new reality but I now see guys like me all around me, both on here and in real life, who were dumped by their crazy b!tch wife. (ok sorry that was maybe inappropriate but I'm leaving it on anyhow cause it makes me feel good to say it).

I ended up on this site cause I googled something about "wife cheated" and found some threads started by guys that sounded exactly like me. I found this place easy and related to the other male members soooo quickly.
 
#24 ·
I found this site through LoveShack.

I can`t even stand to lurk there anymore as it`s like some kind of witch hunt going on all the time over some overly generalized situation that doesn`t even really exist.

It`s freaking scary over there.

I don`t really know why Betrayed men are drawn here in such great numbers but I have noticed the slant myself.
 
#25 ·
I'll jump into the waters here as a cheater - wouldn't want to be picked up by animal control as a lost dog....

While a lot of the comments cheaters receive here are tough and hard nosed in my experience they are way more often than not well intentioned and generally good words for the cheater to hear. While I did not agree with everything I received when I first posted here, everything I received helped me. Even the parts that I didn't agree with helped to keep me thinking about what my wife was feeling and what I need to do/could do to help her. The really hard comments also helped to keep my head out of my ass and keep me focused by slapping me around a little.

I to hate to see when a cheater shows up and either can't take it or can't get past defending themselves. I want to reach through my keyboard and shake them into reality... probably like so many BS want to do to their own cheating spouses.

Almost - I would say you're pro reconciliation but only if the cheater is remorseful, otherwise IMO you tend to advise people to focus on themselves and start to wrap their head around a life without their spouse (180). Much like I think your own experiences were. I certainly would not say you're pro D. If anything you're pro reality and try to help people accept theirs whatever it may be.
 
#26 ·
I'll jump into the waters here as a cheater - wouldn't want to be picked up by animal control as a lost dog....

While a lot of the comments cheaters receive here are tough and hard nosed in my experience they are way more often than not well intentioned and generally good words for the cheater to hear. While I did not agree with everything I received when I first posted here, everything I received helped me. Even the parts that I didn't agree with helped to keep me thinking about what my wife was feeling and what I need to do/could do to help her. The really hard comments also helped to keep my head out of my ass and keep me focused by slapping me around a little.

I to hate to see when a cheater shows up and either can't take it or can't get past defending themselves. I want to reach through my keyboard and shake them into reality... probably like so many BS want to do to their own cheating spouses.

Almost - I would say you're pro reconciliation but only if the cheater is remorseful, otherwise IMO you tend to advise people to focus on themselves and start to wrap their head around a life without their spouse (180). Much like I think your own experiences were. I certainly would not say you're pro D. If anything you're pro reality and try to help people accept theirs whatever it may be.
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I like that phrase...pro reality. I am stealing it.
 
#28 ·
I'm pro R, because I'm in R myself. However, I'm a big believer in that the WS has to earn that precious gift of R after having betrayed their spouse. R is only possible under the right conditions, otherwise it's just rug sweeping.

I've been to the other sites like Survivinginfidelity, Chat Cheaters, Love Shack, Infidelity.com (now defunct for some odd reason), and I think that only SI has more betrayed wives posting then betrayed husbands.
 
#29 ·
As an outsider, of sorts, one thing becomes glaringly obvious when joining this site: there needs to be more acceptance to discussing the hurt that infidelity causes in the general media and society. Realistically, I'll read about more victims in one week on this site than my entire life of 46 years. In a sense, people hide in shame when it happens. You see people struggle with self-identity for years, and incredible forgiveness. I think if some people understood the hurt it causes, maybe it could save at least some future posters from needing to find this site. For those of you that visit here regularly to help others who have just found out, or deal out tough love when needed, you are doing a really good thing for people who are suffering.
 
#34 ·
Ok, so a little bashing does go on, but its a much needed and mature bashing rather than kiddy squabble 'trying to offend for amusement' bashing.

And it is much needed.

Too many times have we seen a BS at the front of the stage wearing a blindfold withtheir partner in bed with AP at the back of the stage ruffling the bedsheets.

BS: Where is she/he?

TAM Audience: Behind yooooooooooou!

BS: Where?

TAM Audience: They're behind yoooooooou!

BS: Oh no she isn't.

TAM Audience: FFS, you bogeyed arse, LOOOK!

BS: (turns and removes blindfold) Oh. Oh ****.
 
#39 ·
Almost: I think you are pro reality as well. Most people on here are the same. I found this site by googleing "My wife doesnt love me anymore" and started in the sex in marriage forum, only to find out 5 months later that I would be here in coping with infidelity! Without this site I would be a complete mess, unable to function. As it is I am just kinda messy and can function some days. I dont see much slamming going on towards WS, most the slamming I see is to BS who refuses to accept reality.
 
#40 ·
........brought me out of my head in the sand ....refusal to see....refusal to listen...way of life.

I am not only amazed at how wonderful all of you are, but how giving knowing what you all have gone through reading your stories, and you are caring enough to help some of the most lost, angry, hurt, ashamed people.
 
#41 ·
It's because we all wore those shoes at one time.

We understand the enormity of hurt an affair brings to a person....and feel it in our guts.

I feel its my duty to help prevent someone from making the same mistakes I did or help someone to see the reality of the situation they are in....

I just hope I help...period. I sure many of the people here feel the same way.
 
#43 ·
what has amazed me is how accurately my WS has just fitted into an all too well understood template.
Yep. There's a pattern there isn't there?
And to think they believe they're doing something new.
 
#44 ·
This site and the people whove gone thru it all at first amazed me that the stories were so similar, that the hurt was so epidemic.
Being able to post here helped me and still is, from learning of my ex wifes affair, what an emotional attachment was, up to and thru the divorce, to now, where I have a house, have my daughter every other week for seven days at a time, and I am at a good place right now in life.
 
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