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Male co-worker hugged friend's wife from behind

52K views 201 replies 69 participants last post by  Andy1001 
#1 ·
A friend of mine told me that he was very upset because when he showed up at his wife's work, he saw a male co-worker hugging his attractive wife from behind with his wife smiling as they chatted. She has acknowledged it was not the first time that this man hugged her from behind, but she insists that he is making too big a deal over it. Even though I told him that he has a right to be upset, he is confused. As a sanity check, I thought that I would ask what others on this site thinks about this situation. Is it a big deal and what should I advise him to do about it?
 
#41 · (Edited)
OP it seems everyone here is in agreement...your friend's wife's coworker is stepping over the line and his wife is allowing it. So your friend has to clearly lay down his boundaries...one of them being that this behavior is NOT acceptable and completely disrespectful of him, no matter how she wants to brush it off.

Then it is time for him to go into detective mode and find out what the H is going on here. Yes, VAR her car, hire a PI, whatever it takes.
 
#48 ·
OP it seems everyone here is in agreement...your friend's wife's coworker is stepping over the line and his wife is allowing it. So your friend has to clearly lay down his boundaries...one of them being that this behavior is NOT acceptable and completely disrespectful of him, no matter how she wants to brush it off.

Then it is time for him to go into detective mode and find out what the H is going on here. Yes, VAR her car, hire a PI, whatever it takes.
He we go again...

Tell your friend, if he wants to know what's really up with his "friendly" wife, time to shut the F up. Do not soft confront her on this or make claims of an affair.

Now is the time to look, listen, verify. Definitely use the VAR.

Don't be me. I did the soft confront and was duped for years to follow. 10 min of VAR would have erased years of grief.
 
#43 · (Edited)
I would have gone up to that a guy, in front of my wife and loudly so everyone can hear it and said "What the fvck do you think you are doing. Get your fvcking hands off of my wife." And then I would tell him "Do it again and I'll kick the living sh1t out of you." He needed to embarrass the POS, and put his wife on notice that he isn't going to stand for that crap. Your friend seems weak and passive.
 
#51 ·
I would have gone up to that a guy, in front of my wife and loudly so everyone can hear it and said "What the fvck do you think you are doing. Get your fvcking hands off of my wife." And then I would tell him "Do it again and I'll kick the living **** out of you." He needed to embarrass nit POS and that would have put his wife on notice. Your friend seems weak and passive.
This would have been my exact response. Hugging a woman from behind is intimate. Both sexes know that allowing a man to do that is sign of possession.

This guy let this slide and looks weak to both his wife and this guy thereby sending a signal that he's a pushover.
 
#44 ·
A friend of mine told me that he was very upset because when he showed up at his wife's work, he saw a male co-worker hugging his attractive wife from behind with his wife smiling as they chatted. She has acknowledged it was not the first time that this man hugged her from behind, but she insists that he is making too big a deal over it. Even though I told him that he has a right to be upset, he is confused. As a sanity check, I thought that I would ask what others on this site thinks about this situation. Is it a big deal and what should I advise him to do about it?
I would have gone up to that a guy, in front of my wife and loudly so everyone can hear it and said "What the fvck do you think you are doing. Get your fvcking hands off of my wife." And then I would tell him "Do it again and I'll kick the living **** out of you." He needed to embarrass nit POS and that would have put his wife on notice. Your friend seems weak and passive.
Boy did you nail it. This is the type of **** I learned was going on with my FWW. His pal better open his eyes and ears, their is more to this story to evolve. With affairs little things lead to big things. Provide your friend the F102 cheater script you can find on here.
 
#45 ·
Exactly, the guy should have explained to the guy on the spot that he would get the fat lip if it happened again, and tell him in a tone where it was put up or shut up. It would have shamed then both, deservedly so, and red-established who he was in the eyes of his wife. A woman shouldn't hold it against her husband to put an interloper in his place when it's so obviously called for. She probably sees her husband as a weak man now. One doesn't debate this stuff for two weeks, they act. A stern talking to was as far as it would likely go if the offending OM was the kind to mess with married women.
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#52 ·
Thank you everyone for your comments. They are in line with my thinking. In answer to some of your questions, below are some additional facts.

1) The other man (OM) is single.
2) The OM does not work in her department, and although my friend had heard of the OM before, she did not talk about him that much.
3) The OM was hugging her from behind in front of many co-workers.
4) When my friend introduced himself to the OM as her husband, the other man immediately took off, before my friend could really say anything to him.
5) My friend is kicking himself for not confronting the other man harder, but in my friends defense, he was caught by surprise and the other man took off before my friend got his wits about him. Also, my friend was second guessing himself since he was at his wife's work, and did not know the terrain. To be clear, he would have handled it differently if he could do it again.
 
#58 ·
This dude took off because he knew what he was doing was wrong and that no normal man would stand for it.

As for his wife's reaction that he's making a big deal out of nothing, she's trying to play mind games on her husband. Trying to making him doubt himself.

Your boy needs to get answers ASAP. This dude hugging his wife from behind in front of others implies that these 2 have been intimate enough times that OM is comfortable displaying possession in front of others.
 
#77 ·
I did invite him to post here and even had him read this thread. Just reading this thread made him feel like he was getting "hit over the head with a brick". He declined to post, but did appreciate the feedback. Most importantly, it allowed him to tell his wife with confidence and strength that it is a big deal, and demand full no contact, which she quickly agreed to. They have always had full transparency and each other's passwords when it came to online things, so that is not an issue.
 
#66 ·
It all comes down to a matter of respect.

Even if nothing else is going on, even if nothing is going to happen.

His wife is disrespecting him. She's outside the boundaries of a healthy, trusting relationship.

It's bad enough that she allows it to happen. It's worse that she doesn't seem to see anything wrong with it.

It's disturbing that he allows it to perpetuate with no consequences.
 
#67 ·
There is more than one way to cop a feel
 
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#69 ·
POSOM took off because he KNEW the situation was about to get tense.......they were caught red-handed by WW's BH publicly engaging in a VERY intimate act.

I have known several touchy freely 'huggers' in life, but never once have I seen one of them hugging a co-worker or friend from behind.....a hug of this type is much more intimate and suggests a deep connection between the two people.

This scumbag knew that once the shock wore off, he was probably going to be facing an irate BH.

So he did what nearly every cowardly POSOM does......ran like a c0ckroach when the light flips on.

And WW?

She is desperately trying to calm the waters so her BH doesn't try to dig more into what is really going on with this turd.

Someone else has already posted 'tip of the iceberg'.....I completely agree.

There is probably a lot more going on here than your friend suspects or knows OP.

Tell him to shut his mouth for awhile and start investigating to discover what he is really dealing with here.
 
#74 ·
This is not a case of a jealous husband being upset about a friendly hug. A man hugging a woman from behind is not even remotely normal.

It was not said, but I wonder if the guy's groin area pressed up against her @ss. Either way, this is totally UNACCEPTABLE.
 
#76 ·
I am not sure I would go ballistic or dictate what she could do, but it does merit some further investigation, checking web pages, text messages, etc. He is entitled to ask if she has ever kissed him; if she calmly says no that can be reassuring, while if she becomes angry, defensive, or evasive, we may have an issue.
 
#81 ·
No, it is not strange that she immediately agreed to no more contact. The issue going forward is that they still work together and have shown an uncomfortable level of intimacy due to the from behind hugging. Inappropriate workplace relationships require no texting or calling because they can see each other daily. Thus having all passwords and access to all her accounts doesn't mean much.

Don't get on your high horse, claiming no one can win here. This is not a game. All of us posting here have seen and lived infidelity. Workplace affairs are the hardest to detect and catch. Your friend needs to keep his ear to the ground, and I would suggest his wife start looking for a new job, away from huggy bear.
 
#82 ·
No Contact between co-workers is a pile of junk. While I guess it's good that she agreed/suggested it, there is no way to enforce it.

Besides, No Contact is ALSO worthless without a No Contact letter being sent. She would need to send one (using their work email) and if it doesn't include the words 'inappropriate' and 'would feel threatened if you approach me' then you're cray cray.

Again, not like that matters much, but atleast it'll give her boyfriend pause that his job could be at risk.
 
#85 ·
Your friend should have snuck up behind the OM and given him a big hug from behind, full body pressing... Of course, from there you could take it a step further, get him into a headlock and drop his ass to the ground :grin2:
 
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