Rawr

Ok, so I have never really been one to post on a forum, so please bear with me.

Short background, I have been lurking on this message board, reading various threads on how to get more sex from my wife of 10+ years. I have read everything on the "manning up" and related topics. So far, so good (i.e. a six fold increase in amount of sex for the last month).

Everything has seemed to be very very good in my marriage, aside from one particular thing. Recently, my wife informed me that she was meeting a married male coworker for happy hour.

Happy hour conflicted with my work. She knew that I could not make it to happy hour, but gave me a token invite none the less. Male coworker's spouse was not able to attend either.

I was not happy about this happy hour meeting, as it just seemed to close to a "date" between my wife and the coworker. Due to my uneasiness, I arranged to leave work early, so that I could surprise my wife at this happy hour get together. I told no one of these plans, aside from my immediate supervisor, who gave me the go ahead to leave work early.

Wife text messages me midday to let me know that she decided not to go to happy hour after all (she decided to meet her parents for dinner, instead).

Suffice to say, I was somewhat relieved that she decided not to go to this happy hour meeting with her coworker. When I inquired as to why she did not go, she said she just decided to "blow him off" (not the usual word choice my wife would have used).

During this brief conversation, she did mention that she has met this coworker, alone, for coffee. Up until this point, she had not mentioned these coffee meetings to me. Suffice to say, I became rather uneasy, yet again, but kept my cool.

Since I have been reading this message board for a few weeks now, I knew to check my wife's phone (android) for texts, check email accounts, and check her facebook, to see if I could obtain any additional information pertaining to this friendship.

FYI, my wife communicates incessantly with her female friends via facebook, email, and texts. What strikes me as odd, is that my wife has no record of any text or email contact with this particular male coworker. I know my wife well enough to know that she would have a text record/email record of correspondence with this coworker pertaining to these lunch time coffee meetings. There is literally no communication between the two on my wife's phone or in her email. I have yet to figure out her facebook password, but will try to crack that password tonight.

Also, FYI: My wife has no idea that I have have checked her email accounts or cell phone.

At a minimum, I believe that my wife is crossing a boundary by having these little lunch meetings with this coworker. The absence of any communication between the two is a red flag (i.e. I believe that she may be deleting record of communication).

I am hoping that someone can shed some insight on my situation, and how I should approach her regarding these meetings. I do have some insecurity issues, so I am hoping it is simply insecurity (though I am not holding my breath).

Reading up on the EA's, I am thinking that this may be just such an EA, but am wondering what others think.

Thanks in advance for your help.

F-102

While on the face of it, it seems that there may indeed be nothing going on, I fully understand your feelings of uneasiness.

Perhaps you should have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your W about him and boundaries, and see how things are later on-look for suspicious activities. She may simply not realize that she could be vulnerable to an EA. Many spouses don't see the extremely subtle signs, and then they go and do something that destroys their lives and those around them later on.

I think that it's good that you are in sync with this, and you may very well be nipping what could easily turn into a disaster in the bud.

__________________
"All of us get lost in the darkness...
...Dreamers learn to steer by the stars"

Thor

I would say nothing while conducting surveillance. Given that you think she is hiding info from you by erasing messages, you have reason to be suspicious and to gather intel.

Talking with her will reveal nothing truthful, or at least nothing believable. She'll deny everything. You won't know if that is the truth or not.

jnj express

This can be looked at another way---your wife works with the guy everyday---she talks to him face to face---they can set up anything they want and you may never know about it-----she may have canceled the drinking date, cuz she thought you might be up to something, in re:what she is doing

You need to figure out another way to moniter her while she is at work, and at lunch, on break---those lunches could be a lot more physical than you will ever know

Did you happen to forget---prior to all these electronics, people DID speak to each other face to face----

Just look for changed patterns, and if the increase in sex is one of them, she could just be doing what she must to keep you SATISFIED , and keep you from investigating---continue to look for changes in her everyday demeanor, and lifestyle

chapparal

Keylogger on the computer. What kind of phone does she have? You've checked phone records.

Why did you not tell her a drinking date with another man is wrong on all accounts especially with a coworker?

I would have flipped on her?

__________________
o
http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Li...d+man+sex+life
http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Frien...+shirley+glass

tacoma

I`m with Thor.

This isn`t acceptable, and since she began it with the coffee dates without telling you I`d hold off on any confrontation until I had a decent idea just how far it`s gone on.

I wouldn`t wait too long because it seems you might have caught this one early.

Just long enough to satisfy your curiosity.

Rawr

I am afraid I came off as a bit controlling in my initial post. I assure everyone that I am not (I have been too timid to set boundaries in the past).

The reason this situation seems off is that my wife does have male friends, and is generally very good about making sure that I know each of them. This one individual, however, she is "too quiet" about.

Under normal circumstances, if she was good enough friends with a person to arrange a coffee meeting for lunch, I would have heard about the entirety of their meeting. In this instance, she did not even mention these meetings for coffee until days after said meetings occurred.

Also, they do not work in the same office location, so meetings for coffee are prearranged somehow.

I honestly hope that I am reading too much into this situation, but something just does not feel right. I seriously hope that I am being an idiot and that there is nothing to worry about.

Also, she is currently out of the state on business, so I am just going to have to talk to her directly when she returns.

Locard

I just don't get the married adult freinds of the opposite sex thing, at least where there is alone time.

tacoma

That`s really scary considering your suspicions.

I couldn`t handle that.

YupItsMe

No you didnt at all. Do what must be done

Here is a thread on opposite gender freindships and boundaries that may shed some light on your situation.

What are your red flags for spouses opposite gender friendships

chapparal

Controlling is the word spouses use when they are up to something. Having boundaries is not controlling. Keeping secrets is controlling. If a spouse over steps boundaries, which is their perogative, other spouse has right to reject that person actions. Of course it means you have to have the backbone to stand up for yourself.

__________________
o
http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Li...d+man+sex+life
http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Frien...+shirley+glass

Dadof3

Ooooo. Ouch.

Hopefully this isn't too late.

I personally think she's sending smoke signals to get your attention. Wouldn't be a bad idea to have that chat someone mentioned. Think about it. Have some secret coffee dates that you didn't find out about until after the botched happy hour.

I think it was a great way for her to open the conversation indirectly.

jnj express

He rawr---you have allowed your wife way too much latitude for a married woman

Yes married woman have male friends, but on a very low, platonic level, and they have maybe a few---THEY DO NOT RUN AROUND HAVING DATES WITH MALE FRIENDS----OR DID YOU BOTH FORGET---SHE IS MARRIED

If you do not treat this harshly, and you need to, whether you like it/want to or not---your mge., will become a statistic

You say your wife is out of town on business for a few days---how do you know for sure what she is doing while out of town----I PROMISE you those out of town business trips where one spouse only is away---are DEADLY to marriages.

You need to set down some some strict boundaries, YESTERDAY

Your wife already knows how to connive, plan, manipulate, coerce, decieve, and lie, by ommission---she ain't the innocent little goody 2shoes you think she is

I may sound jaded and harsh---but what I am telling you is the way it is, and everyone here KNOWS IT.

Arnold

Gabriel

I 100% agree with Locard. Opposite sex friends by yourself while married is a bad ending waiting to happen. Happened to me, even after 18 years of nothing going on. Eventually, given enough time, it will.