- Thanks for the advice. In the beginning I was trying to minimize hoping this would go away but you are right all this did was make W more upset. I wasnít getting it. With all these new posts Iíve been reading the only sensible thing to do is own it and do what I can to make things right.
- First of all I do have a Therapist, and second when you piece all of the passages together like that, it makes me want to throw up too. I am truly here trying to work on myself and the only way to really do that is to put it all out there, I could gloss over the really uncomfortable parts but then I wouldnít really be accomplishing anything. I really donít want to do this ever again!!!
- Youíre right my wife does have the right to leave but after 20 years of marriage I am thankful she is willing to work with me, just as we have done through all of our hardships- the kids illnesses, bankruptcy, foreclosure, and my stage 4 colon cancer. We have to at least give it a shot, we are worth that. I have never stopped loving my wife.
- I am sleeping on the couch in the living room, she reminds me everyday what I did, walking around in a funk, crying or red-faced and an unhappy look on her face. I created that, me alone, isnít that punishment that I canít do anything to change it. I say I am sorry over and over but it just seems to make her madder, I help more around the house and sheíll say why are you not trying to make things better.
- Thank you for your post - it seems as if youíre a bit angry and Iím not sure if you had a partner who did this same to you, but I believe every relationship is different and unique and cannot just be chalked up to one simple answer- divorce. If both partners in a marriage want to work to make things better, it is their right to do so, that is why Iím here I am hoping to become a better husband and man. I donít understand why you think I have a low sympathy for my wife. I can see she is truly hurt by what I did and Iím trying to make things right as best I can, with the help from all of you.
- I am truly sorry for what your going through, I have seen first hand the impact it has had on my W so again I say sorry. My question to you, is this the first and only time your WH did this to you? Is there even a shred of happiness youíve found in this marriage that might find you forgiving him? Hopefully you can, I am here working on my marriage because I do love my wife and I regret what I did. I am not interested in anybody else and I donít want to throw away 20 years of marriage. Why did you stay for 7 years, if your husband is truly looking for something or someone else, why wouldnít you just let him go, so you could move on and find happiness?
- I do alot within the house. W has her business in our house so we are here 24/7 we occasionally go on a date night or do errands outside the house but other than that we are home, my 3 boys go to school, I drive them back and forth daily, I take care of all meals or order in on occasion, I take care of the finances, I clean the house (well I try, not always the best job) but generally it functions. Now, I am doing the same, but just trying to step up my game and do more and better.
I believe I understand my wife fairly well after 20 years of marriage, we all say things we donít mean in a fit of rage, for which I donít blame her. This is my mess, I need to clean it up the best way I can, and be sure that my W is comfortable moving forward the best that she knows how. For now I am working on myself and giving her the space she needs to be able to get past this or not.
- I definitely find what I did as wrong, my W does not deserve to be treated this way and you can be sure I will never do this to her again. I keep trying to apologize but it just reminds her of what I did and she gets more upset. It sounds terrible when I see it written. Hard to believe thatís what I did.
- Thank You for the sane advice. I feel like you are giving me advice that I can take and use to let my wife know how much I appreciate and adore her. I understand my past actions do not convey this at all, in fact, I did everything I could to destroy what I have. If my wife does find it in her heart to forgive me, I will never ever again take it for granted. And yes, it does make sense!!!! Again thank you for the acknowledgment, but what I did is terrible and my thanks will be when I have my wife back and we are moving forward together towards a better life than the one we had before D-Day.
- Thatís a tough one, best not to go there!!!
- I am trying to be truthful and open, so as to never have the desire to do this again, there are many other coping skills I can use that donít involve cheating on my wife or destroying my marriage. Thanks again for seeing that I am trying not just for her but for myself as well.
- Coming forward with the whole truth means I have nothing else to hide. I would never want my wife to be blindsided by this ever again, Iíve done enough of that already.
- Trust me I was aware of everything right from D-Day to today I heard every word of what you had posted first hand several times and my W even asked me to read her thread the first time she sent it. Donít worry I get it, I have heard from many others on this site that what I did was cheating. Growing up I always thought cheating was the physical act of sex happening between a man and woman against the others spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend. I was questioning the fact that I never had sexual intercourse so how could it be cheating. Now I understand!!!!
- I really am trying to work thru this, I am not interested in doing this again. My wife really is an amazing woman if you were to meet her and she did not deserve any of my crap. Thanks for saying what I would have said about the Patriots. No need to be so bitter, again I not only read her first thread, I heard all of it on D-Day and a few days after that.
- Agreed, It is that bad!!!
- Yes she let me read her first thread and I saw first hand when she was crying and feeling broken-hearted
- What you described is what I want to do. Reconciling what I did, and paying back in spades to my wife before I go.
- W wanted me to tell my sister what I did, so I told her, I thought she would have been harder on me, but thatís why Iím here to hold nothing back, to lay all of it out on the table and to get the harshest feedback to learn and grow from.
- Iím jumpin in!