11-18-2011, 11:10 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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| Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 18
|  much needed advice
My fiance & I of 8 yrs. Had separated 6 months ago after our 2nd Dday & during that time did counseling both couples & individual with no communication with me aside from that, so I gave him a deadline to make a decision to stay or leave the relationship & he still said " I don't know what I want" so I had him move out completely 3 months ago until HW would commit to me 100% with honesty & counseling. So I continued doing the 180 as of 2 months ago. He told me he notices I'm changing & it freaks him out that I don't even need him financially & that he feels like i don't need him. He told me & our kids, (not biologically his) if we or they need anything to call him. So 2 weeks later our daughter calls him to get her after school since I work late& he does he then tells her he is going to go see a counselor to fix what is wrong with him so he can work on coming home. So she thinks he is coming home soon & tells me she hopes it is soon. So I decided to contact him for the first time in months about this bc I felt it is only confusing her. So he actually picked up unlike before when he would not communicate @ all & I told him we need to meet to discuss this so we r on the same page & cut the confusion & he said ok ill txt u bc my brother is in from out of town but I will txt u so we can meet tomorrow. I said ok thanx. I don't know if he will, but for once it was a friendly discussion. He just told me he wants to fox things with himself.vi just said ok. But for the last 2 weeks whenever the kids call him he will pick them up & get them dinner & drop them off bc I'm working late. He does it on his own to tell them to call if they need him. He tells me the same thing but I don't bc I want to stick to the 180 & keep the contact solely about the kids. But in order for me to find an answer of where exactly things are we need to discuss the relationship to be on the same page for our daughter & son. We separated after his ambivalence on whether he wanted to be in the relationship or not. He is still undecided. He says he no longer has contact with the AP as she chose her H & family. I think it may be underground if not he is still emotionally attached to her. If we do meet I will need to ask him about the relationship & where he is so I get an honest answer & we can tell our kids the truth with no false hope. I told him I don't want him lying to her so if he has no real intentions of wanting to really work on things it is best to say now so we tell them its over & he won't be coming home & we will remain friends. He still doesn't reach our to me at all first I had to bc of this recent situation with my daughter. Any advice?
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