I think its over. I just dont want to do it before thanksgiving. We have a lot of relatives in town, and I am going to wait until Sunday.
I dont want to wait for her to show up to meet him. I dont think it is necessary at this point. I have seen enough in her actions, to see her intentions.
I dont want to give up, but I think she needs a wakeup call. I plan on asking for a divorce.
Never ever tell anyone that you were the OM. If you do she will tell you and everyone else that she knew this and was playing a game herself. She will make you look like the fool or the bad guy.
Never ever tell anyone that you were the OM. If you do she will tell you and everyone else that she knew this and was playing a game herself. She will make you look like the fool or the bad guy.
I couldnt wait.
I told her last night that I knew everything and I wanted a divorce.
She immediately accused me of spying "again" and then claiming she never intended on meeting up with a complete stranger.
I deflected the spying accusations, and told her that her intentions were clear in her texts. I told her I thought she would meet him for drinks, and eventually sex. (no different than meeting someone at a nightclub for a one night stand)
She was angry, insisting she didnt actually do anything.
I explained to her that her actions showed complete disrespect for me and our marriage and I did not think I could trust her.
I calmly explained that I was willing to stay at home until she completed training for her new job, but only if she were willing to make some concessions. Otherwise I would move out this weekend after Thanksgiving. I tried not to show any emotion.
I told her that I did all my weeping for her four months ago and I had resolve in my decision.
She asked if there was anything she could do, and I said there was not.
We talked for another hour or two, but I did not budge. She went downstairs saying she was remorseful but really not seeming to be.
I fell asleep.
Two hours later she woke me up sobbing and crying uncontrollably. Begging and pleading to give her another chance. She confessed to everything with the OM, all of which I knew already. In addition, she mentioned another man that she was flirting with and that she had thoughts about.
Despite this additional item (i can hear the shouts of "serial cheater!" in the background) I agreed to consider it, only if she was willing to set up some concrete boundries with consequences. I told her I was too tired to discuss it, but in all honesty, I wanted to get some feedback here first.
Im pretty tired, it was a long night. She said it was the worst night of her life.
1) No contact- she is to write a letter to these OM's (your alias included, sheesh) stating that her marriage is her top priority now and that she will no longer want any contact at all with them and they are never to contact her again. If the OM contacts her then she is to ignore it and tell you of it right away (she should shut down her accounts or block them depending on the venue of communication)
2) Complete transparency- she is to give up all passwords to every email or account, allow you access to her phone when you want and tell you of her actions and where she is going. She cannot complain if you are snooping and allow to do what you need to verify her actions. IOW her privacy is now null and void. You should also without telling her install spy tech to verify this.
3) She has to demonstrate true remorse by not only words by her actions- she has to do the heavy lifting as we say. She must answer everything truthfully and tell you everything right away. If you require her to do IC or MC then she must comply. She has to bear the brunt of your pain.
4) start spending more time together one on one, start finding things to do together and strengthen your bond. Start openly talk about problems and being honest about your needs and wants.
5) You should also look to expose that OM to his wife if he has one. (as far as your alias I have no idea on how to handle that) Do not tell her that you are exposing.
Putting and end to the affair(s) is one thing, but what's being done to the root problem. As in, figuring out WHY she's cheating and fixing that. Otherwise you'll be back here in 6 months, assuming you're willing to attempt reconciling.
1) No contact- she is to write a letter to these OM's (your alias included, sheesh) stating that her marriage is her top priority now and that she will no longer want any contact at all with them and they are never to contact her again. If the OM contacts her then she is to ignore it and tell you of it right away (she should shut down her accounts or block them depending on the venue of communication)
2) Complete transparency- she is to give up all passwords to every email or account, allow you access to her phone when you want and tell you of her actions and where she is going. She cannot complain if you are snooping and allow to do what you need to verify her actions. IOW her privacy is now null and void. You should also without telling her install spy tech to verify this.
3) She has to demonstrate true remorse by not only words by her actions- she has to do the heavy lifting as we say. She must answer everything truthfully and tell you everything right away. If you require her to do IC or MC then she must comply. She has to bear the brunt of your pain.
4) start spending more time together one on one, start finding things to do together and strengthen your bond. Start openly talk about problems and being honest about your needs and wants.
5) You should also look to expose that OM to his wife if he has one. (as far as your alias I have no idea on how to handle that) Do not tell her that you are exposing.
He can still use his alias to fish and see if she is living up to his conditions. Assuming she can work around his monitoring.
Chap, the OM told her to use Christmas shopping as an excuse.... "No real man is going to want to shop with his wife for five or six hours."
She couldve used it 2-3 times in the ten day period the OM was in town.
My wife is allowed on GNO only on rare occasions and never when she is ovulating (courtesy of MMSLP).
2nd --she gives up all use of the computer for NOW---until you can trust her----There is no give in this---the computer is what is allowing her these contacts---she stays AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER----she goes to living life as people did---PRE--COMPUTER, and believe me they all managed very nicely.
3rd---her cellphone is avaiable to you 24/7
4th--if she goes out anywhere on errands, the kids go with her if possible
5th--she NOW does ALL the heavy lifting, that a normal, proper married wife/mother would do
6th --she has no contact with men whatsoever---unless they are part of a married couple, that is absolute friends of your mge.
She must be remorseful, contrite, SELFLESS, and she has to know---if she violates anyone of those boundaries even once----the consequences, are not more talk, they are immediate filing of D.
It is obvious she is scared shi*less of being on her own----so w/out being abusive, and controlling make her tow the line
How much you check on her is up to you----I know you don't wanna play parole officer---but you do need to check on her----Who knows when trust will really come back
She got nailed at her little attempt to stray---and for now make sure she does not forget it.
Means she needs to demonstrate her remorse through all the things possible she can do for you and the marriage. she will tolerate your lack of trust, not get angry / withdraw when you are having a bad day, or a flashback from what you know about her. She will be patient, loving. Emotional, physical withdrawals are unacceptable and grounds for divorce.
She needs to play open, honest, and pretty much comply with all you ask and require where it isn't abusive, controlling, or manipulative.
Re: Twisted Cyber Affair 
o
