I have been married for ten years in my mid 30's and of late (few years back) my wife lost interested in sex and I did ask her if everything was ok(especially with sex) and she said it was fine.
Recently when i asked while we were having a chat on our relationship and how it was etc, she said that she is not attracted to me sexually and the sex was bad etc and suggested that maybe we need to sleep with others to find the magic which she says we have lost. I was hurt and also guilty for not making her happy and told her may be then she should do it.
Thereafter a few days later I asked her if there was anyone in mind though she initially refused to say later said that a few years back that she had a dream of having sex with this guy that is a family friend who we meet once in two months max in an official capacity(and I have not met him recently). And since then she wanted to have sex with him. Being low on confidence I agree that she could if she wanted to hoping that she will realize that it is wrong and bail out. I wanted her to tell me everything though and todate except for a few details she has kept her word. But thing have escalated now and I realize from her actions and considering our relationship that she is sought of having an emotional affair and that she cannot stop thinking about him.
They had met once(she had initiated the meeting) and he had made a move and since then she just cannot stop thinking about him though he does not make the first move now she calls him and meets him they had kissed and done stuff etc not sex(once)... In the beginning she wanted us to work at our relationship but this has taken a back seat she went for counseling and was advised to concentrate on the marriage but looking at her actions it seems to me that she would rather be with him she says she does not want to leave me(and I feel that she wants to forget him) but she also wants him. I feel used and manipulated but I have two kids 6 and 4 and do not want them to have a broken family but how long can I tolerate this?
I love her and don't hate her feel that I am also responsible for her to feel this way but I am in pain...the only thing that is stopping her from having sex with him is that he is not contacting her and waits for her to contact him to which she wants to but some how is not progressing as she would like. what should I do, I want to save the marriage if I can but then I will have to be ok with her affair .. or leave her making my kids miserable, it seems it is a no win situation.
I have been married for ten years in my mid 30's and of late (few years back) my wife lost interested in sex and I did ask her if everything was ok(especially with sex) and she said it was fine.
Recently when i asked while we were having a chat on our relationship and how it was etc, she said that she is not attracted to me sexually and the sex was bad etc and suggested that maybe we need to sleep with others to find the magic which she says we have lost. I was hurt and also guilty for not making her happy and told her may be then she should do it.
Thereafter a few days later I asked her if there was anyone in mind though she initially refused to say later said that a few years back that she had a dream of having sex with this guy that is a family friend who we meet once in two months max in an official capacity(and I have not met him recently). And since then she wanted to have sex with him. Being low on confidence I agree that she could if she wanted to hoping that she will realize that it is wrong and bail out. I wanted her to tell me everything though and todate except for a few details she has kept her word. But thing have escalated now and I realize from her actions and considering our relationship that she is sought of having an emotional affair and that she cannot stop thinking about him.
They had met once(she had initiated the meeting) and he had made a move and since then she just cannot stop thinking about him though he does not make the first move now she calls him and meets him they had kissed and done stuff etc not sex(once)... In the beginning she wanted us to work at our relationship but this has taken a back seat she went for counseling and was advised to concentrate on the marriage but looking at her actions it seems to me that she would rather be with him she says she does not want to leave me(and I feel that she wants to forget him) but she also wants him. I feel used and manipulated but I have two kids 6 and 4 and do not want them to have a broken family but how long can I tolerate this?
I love her and don't hate her feel that I am also responsible for her to feel this way but I am in pain...the only thing that is stopping her from having sex with him is that he is not contacting her and waits for her to contact him to which she wants to but some how is not progressing as she would like. what should I do, I want to save the marriage if I can but then I will have to be ok with her affair .. or leave her making my kids miserable, it seems it is a no win situation.
Pardon me, is this for real? You gave your wife permission to have sex with another man?
She told you things were stale in the bedroom and SHE suggests sleeping with other people to fix it?
Then you agreed and you're wondering how to fix it?
I'm sorry you're in this mess but it seems like if you had told her to kick rocks when she suggested cheating on you, she never would have fallen for this guy.
The other guys will give you better advice than me no doubt, but I would tell her to leave and go find that guy, while I try to find a kind a faithfull wife.
Pardon me, is this for real? You gave your wife permission to have sex with another man?
unfortunately it a real life situation ...I know it is like the movies and I am in a real life horror movie...
If I did so I did it not with approval. rather feeling bad that she said that she is not happy with me and it was killing our relationship and in order make things right in our marriage I know it sounds stupid now but It took me a while to realize that maybe I was not to blame(at least for all) for the problems if any that was there in our relationship. At that I time when she told me that she was not happy I thought damn what did I do wrong etc and put the blame on me..
I have been married for ten years in my mid 30's and of late (few years back) my wife lost interested in sex and I did ask her if everything was ok(especially with sex) and she said it was fine.
Recently when i asked while we were having a chat on our relationship and how it was etc, she said that she is not attracted to me sexually and the sex was bad etc and suggested that maybe we need to sleep with others to find the magic which she says we have lost. I was hurt and also guilty for not making her happy and told her may be then she should do it.
Thereafter a few days later I asked her if there was anyone in mind though she initially refused to say later said that a few years back that she had a dream of having sex with this guy that is a family friend who we meet once in two months max in an official capacity(and I have not met him recently). And since then she wanted to have sex with him. Being low on confidence I agree that she could if she wanted to hoping that she will realize that it is wrong and bail out. I wanted her to tell me everything though and todate except for a few details she has kept her word. But thing have escalated now and I realize from her actions and considering our relationship that she is sought of having an emotional affair and that she cannot stop thinking about him.
I agree with aug. She bullied you into allowing her to have sex with other men and you're hoping she'll see that it's wrong?
And you're wondering why you're in pain? The crazy things some husbands will agree to to save their children. Your children will not be saved by allowing her to have sex with other men.
Man the hell up now. Demand that she stop this crap or GTFO the house.
You let your wife break down your boundary and made you think this was going to fix your marriage? You just gave your wife the green light to have an affair, and she's deep into it now.
I too would have told her to hit the curb if that's the route she wanted to take.
Well, there's only three options now.
1. You have an open marriage.
2. You tell your wife that your still not keen on the idea, but since she is pursuing her dream of an affair, then you get to also. Then leave the house several times a week, indicating you have a date. Chances are, what she really meant was that she wanted to have an affair, but not you. Once she realizes you mean business, she may have a change of heart because the reality of the situation will smack her upside the head like a brick. I've seen this scenario play out several times on this forum.
3. Probably the best route...tell her you reconsidered, and you have no desire to live in an open marriage. Tell her it's time to divorce. One of two things will happen. You get divorced. Or two, the reality brick will smack her in the head again. Both are really win win situations. Better than being a cuckold.
Next time, get your wife off the pedestal you built for her. She's just a person, like any other person. Stop thinking that you need to agree with everything she says, because your a Nice Guy, and by being nice she will just have to realize how special you are. This never works. I've been there.
Be a man. A man with boundaries and a man that isn't afraid to reinforce them. A man that isn't afraid of his woman. And doesn't fear losing her if she has no respect for your boundaries, as long as you respect hers.
Go over to the Men's clubhouse here. Lots of advice on boundaries there. Posted via Mobile Device
You let your wife break down your boundary and made you think this was going to fix your marriage? You just gave your wife the green light to have an affair, and she's deep into it now.
I too would have told her to hit the curb if that's the route she wanted to take.
Well, there's only three options now.
1. You have an open marriage.
2. You tell your wife that your still not keen on the idea, but since she is pursuing her dream of an affair, then you get to also. Then leave the house several times a week, indicating you have a date. Chances are, what she really meant was that she wanted to have an affair, but not you. Once she realizes you mean business, she may have a change of heart because the reality of the situation will smack her upside the head like a brick. I've seen this scenario play out several times on this forum.
3. Probably the best route...tell her you reconsidered, and you have no desire to live in an open marriage. Tell her it's time to divorce. One of two things will happen. You get divorced. Or two, the reality brick will smack her in the head again. Both are really win win situations. Better than being a cuckold.
Next time, get your wife off the pedestal you built for her. She's just a person, like any other person. Stop thinking that you need to agree with everything she says, because your a Nice Guy, and by being nice she will just have to realize how special you are. This never works. I've been there.
Be a man. A man with boundaries and a man that isn't afraid to reinforce them. A man that isn't afraid of his woman. And doesn't fear losing her if she has no respect for your boundaries, as long as you respect hers.
Go over to the Men's clubhouse here. Lots of advice on boundaries there. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks there is some great advice from all...
I think I missed that part she did say that I could see anyone I like to make it even to which I am not interested as I am committed to this....yes I get your point but don't think she will mind that.
Well, of course she will mind. They mostly always do.
You realize that she came up with this crazy idea because she wants to have sex with her friend. And with your green light, it's guilt free. However, she most certainly didn't think this through, at all. She is caught up in what we call the Fog. People in the fog get so caught up with the high of the affair, that they don't think straight. That affair high is caused by PEA chemicals in the brain, and they are highly addictive. And they make you think like a junkie. So...what she most likely wanted was to find a way to have sex with her friend, and came up with this crazy idea to suit HER needs. And her needs only. She probably hasn't even considered the situation from your perspective. The perspective in the pain she is causing you, or the reality of the situation of what she would feel like if YOU followed through with an open marriage. Why? Because its all about HER right now, and her judgement is severely diminished because of being in the fog. You would nt believe what comes out of a spouses mouth when they are in the fog. If it wasn't so painful, it would be hysterical.
So...I bet dollars for donuts she WILL mind. She just hasn't considered the impact to her beyond getting what she wants out of the deal. Posted via Mobile Device
Another reason I was considerate in the beginning was that I wanted to see what her relationship was with this guy whether it was already physical etc and I was also worried that by forcing her to ditch him she will cheat on me and that I will not know about it(this is still a worry for me) but from conversations with her it occurred to me that nothing has happened yet till she told me except for flirting etc.
Hey edge---ALL mge's, have problems, 7 to 10 yrs in, the starry eyed lovers are gone, the same old, same old---boring has kicked in
Your sex life was good enuff for her in the beginning, why not now---CUZ SHE IS BORED AND WANTS A CHANGE, and see's this kind of crap everywhere, about "doing" others---to get that hot feeling back---its on TV, in the movies, in books, her friends probably talk about it---its all over the internet---BEING MARRIED IS NOT EASY-----but------
True partners---get thru it, w/out going outside the mge.
The question now is what do you want-----
Your wife sure as he*l does not wanna leave the mge., and will tell you anything/everything to keep you satisfied---YOU ARE HER BANK
She DOES NOT wanna face the big bad world as a single divorced mother of kids, with an adultery label---plus she would have a less than good financial situation---and most of the guys out there are NOT mge., material------so believe me she DOES NOT WANNA LEAVE THE MGE
You have the power use it---enuff of this crap------just tell her very quietly, icily, calmly---this crap with the other guy ends YESTERDAY---she goes NC, and she goes back to being a mother, and wife---that is if you still even want her
She does not get a choice, she does not get to discuss, argue or anything---SHE COMPLIES, or tell her to find an atty., to DEFEND your D. action.
No more mr nice--guy---no more lovey--dovey----she is either married to you, or she ain't
Tell her to decide---NOW------If she decides to stay, make her sign a POST--NUP, with a duress clause, and she begins right here and now---to do all the HEAVY LIFTING, to get back into the family.
Your wife doesn't wanna leave, and she probably doesn't even have that strong feelings about him---SHE IS OBSESSED WITH "f'ing" around, and wants sex with another man---just to pleasure herself
Put a stop to it now---You know what needs to be done, so do it.
ignore jnj express's good advice at your peril. Either follow it, or live in an open marriage as a cuckold sharing your wife with other men. The choice is yours. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
Thanks all, yesterday I got mad that she was pushing me to places that I was not comfortable with and I told her that I will leave her, that I have had enough of this crap and deserved better.....she had to go to work so she left and I had to go as well and when we came back in the evening after doing the kids home work etc I told her that I wanted to chat (in my mind I wanted to leave) but before I could say anything she said that she had got to think from a 3rd person point of view and realized that she had acted really strangely and feel bad the way she treated me and finally is able to see from out of the box.... and she promised not to go after HIM.. my concern was how to trust her she did tell me this once before but this time she was serious.. she told me that I can check everything phone records etc etc and that she will make it up to me for all the hurt caused.......
I did sought of said ok I will give it a try but if it does not work I will go... I also said that we should move to another place(house) as her father is next door and I do not like him interfering at times and I think that it affects us) she is not too keen on it but says that she will do it if really necessary may be telling her this at that point was a mistake but lets see how it goes.( I want to address any problems in our relationship that resulted in her doing what she did in order to make this work with us) figures crossed!!
She now seem like the same person I knew before the affair I hope that it is the case. However I do not feel too great inside guess that I am still doubtful whether she really wants this or just doing it for other reasons.
Welcome to the world of manning up. You just had your first taste.
Feel bad, but don't cave in. You need to reinforce your boundaries. The penalty being divorce.
Know why we all don't go out robbing stores for money? Because the penalty is there, it's real, and it will be reinforced if you get caught. Posted via Mobile Device
Welcome to the world of manning up. You just had your first taste.
Feel bad, but don't cave in. You need to reinforce your boundaries. The penalty being divorce.
Know why we all don't go out robbing stores for money? Because the penalty is there, it's real, and it will be reinforced if you get caught. Posted via Mobile Device
wife crazy about someomne else 
