let me start by saying I know I am wrong, but I have done what I have done and can't take it back at this point.
About 2 1/2 months ago I started to have an affair with my neighbor. We are both married; me 14yrs and her 12 yrs. We both have children who are friends and we have always spent a lot of time together. It all started off innocently enough and over the years we flirted and started to become emotionally attached. We are both in marriages that we ok on the surface but had underlying issues. my wife and I have twice thought about divorce and both times found ways to make it work. Again we were going through a bad phase and then this happened.
I don't want to continue in my current marriage and I am in love with my neighbor. I have know her for 9 years and the emotional part of our relashionship has been growing over that time. Now that we have the ability to express our feelings to each other our love has just blossomed so fast. I guess I just am not sure how to proceed with this. I don't want to hurt our kids but I don't want to remain married to someone I just don't love anymore. I know that infidelity is not the answer, but that ship has sailed and is not coming back. I want to try to get out of my marriage without her knowing what happened but fear that once I start a relashionship with this woman it will be known. I want to know if it is worth taking the chance so I don't completely destroy our families by having this come out.
I know I will get a lot of people telling me how horrible I am. Yes you are right, I am. Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.
Congratulations. You've pushed the meltdown button on your marriage, Your neighbour's marriage, and the lives and happiness of children. Your wife is going to look at you with a horror and despair that you will never understad, and she will never recover from. And it's your fault. Yours. I hope you are proud. your family friends are going to have to pick sides, and they won't pick yours. Your personal friends may stand by you but they will be talking about you behind your back and will think you are a ****. People are going to have to move house. People may fail at their jobs.
Your wife will be utterly, utterly devastated. Not a tad pissed off. Not a little bit missed. Not upset. Devastated. You will destroy her as a person. She will lose all self respect and self esteem. She will become a zombie, unable to dress herself or prevent herself from crying one moment and screaming the next. She will lose all confidence, all sexual desire. she will require constant reassurance, and constant love and attention. and the one person who is supposed to provide all of this is the one person who did it to her.
Just because you weren't man enough to step up and fix your marriage. You took the coward's way out. And you're still looking for the coward's way out.
From my perspective you do have a decision to make. But it's going to be tough. And I doubt you're man enough. The right thing to do is to put the kids with a sitter for evening, sit your wife down, explain everything, and beg, BEG for her to give you another chance. Tell her you will change as a person, tell her you will do anything and everything she asks. Tell her she will be the centre of your world, every moment of every day. Tell her you will spend your ENTIRE LIFE seeking her trust and forgiveness. She may not even give you the time of day, but at least you'll have been a man just once.
Because the meltdown is coming. forget about the man you were. That man is a pathetic excuse for a human being who betrayed the one person he SWORE not to betray. Your decision now is not how do you avoid a meltdown, but what kind of man do you want your wife to think you are in the future. A coward, and forever a coward, or someone that made a terrible, terrible mistake, but is decent enough to have stepped up and owned up to it without being caught, and courageous enough to commit to atoning for his selfish action.
So put on your man suit, and zip it the f*ck up.
EDIT: I have to admit there may be a teeny, weeny possibility that this post has somewhat triggered me...