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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-02-2012, 12:18 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Its been awhile since this posted. What was the outcome unhappy1973? Your situation sounds extremely similar. I hope you made the right decision on what to do. Some affairs do indeed work out in the long run and some do not. I would not tell your wife regardless if you choose to leave her or stay. The pain can be unbearable. If you truly believe that this women is for you, you both get a divorce and several months down the line start a relationship. Don't stay in a marriage if you do not love her and don't stay just for the children. You only have one life and you deserve happiness and the feeling of love and to be loved back. Keep the affair secret for life, its best. I'm speaking from experience. An affair can be a fantasy for some but not for all. It is real with real emotions. Follow your heart. You have been friends for many years, so you do know this women very well.
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Old 02-02-2012, 12:29 PM   #77 (permalink)
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let me start by saying I know I am wrong, but I have done what I have done and can't take it back at this point.
About 2 1/2 months ago I started to have an affair with my neighbor. We are both married; me 14yrs and her 12 yrs. We both have children who are friends and we have always spent a lot of time together. It all started off innocently enough and over the years we flirted and started to become emotionally attached. We are both in marriages that we ok on the surface but had underlying issues. my wife and I have twice thought about divorce and both times found ways to make it work. Again we were going through a bad phase and then this happened.
I don't want to continue in my current marriage and I am in love with my neighbor. I have know her for 9 years and the emotional part of our relashionship has been growing over that time. Now that we have the ability to express our feelings to each other our love has just blossomed so fast. I guess I just am not sure how to proceed with this. I don't want to hurt our kids but I don't want to remain married to someone I just don't love anymore. I know that infidelity is not the answer, but that ship has sailed and is not coming back. I want to try to get out of my marriage without her knowing what happened but fear that once I start a relashionship with this woman it will be known. I want to know if it is worth taking the chance so I don't completely destroy our families by having this come out.

I know I will get a lot of people telling me how horrible I am. Yes you are right, I am. Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.
Is your new main squeeze still married to your neighbor? Is he aware that you've been plowing his field?
If this is still going on, your marriage to the woman you don't feel is entitled to your "love" may be the least of your problems.
In my opinion, you are chancing a well earned beat down from him.If you feel confident enough in your self defense capabilities that you "know" this won't happen, are you ready for him to stick a knife into you and walk around you?
If you are intent of continuing with this, then get a divorce and insist that you sister cheater get one, too.
Then you can hook up and spend the rest of your lives trying to determine each is cheating on the other.
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Old 02-02-2012, 12:40 PM   #78 (permalink)
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Unhappy the OP hasn't posted in almost 3 months.

ZOMBIE THREAD
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Old 02-02-2012, 03:50 PM   #79 (permalink)
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I want to try to get out of my marriage without her knowing what happened but fear that once I start a relashionship with this woman it will be known.
Oh geez, grow a pair. You had the cahones to cheat on your wife with your neighor, have them to own up and face the music.

If you want to try to get out of your marriage without owning up to what you are, fine. But don't sit around for years trying to figure out a way to save face while wasting more of your wife's precious time left on this planet.


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I want to know if it is worth taking the chance so I don't completely destroy our families by having this come out.
What makes you think divorcing for any other reason than you F'd around will make things any better?

If you don't love your wife, quit wasting her time. Tell her you don't love her anymore. Problem is, that isn't going to be good enough and if she is smart, she'll smell a rat.

So get on with divorcing your wife, setting her free from you, so she can move on with her life and hopefully find someone that cares for her. Your need to save face shouldn't be her problem.


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I know I will get a lot of people telling me how horrible I am. Yes you are right, I am. Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.
This isn't about sparing them, its about you trying to save yourself from the shame of what you did. Face your consequences and set your wife free.
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Old 02-02-2012, 03:52 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Unhappy the OP hasn't posted in almost 3 months.

ZOMBIE THREAD
Just saw that. Still if he ever lurks, or anyone in his situation, my comments stand.
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Old 02-02-2012, 04:35 PM   #81 (permalink)
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I should bump old threads to get Dex to reply
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Old 02-02-2012, 04:42 PM   #82 (permalink)
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I should bump old threads to get Dex to reply
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I wasn't the only one that replied to a resurrected thread.
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Old 04-17-2013, 05:23 PM   #83 (permalink)
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OP You are going to loose everything Your Kids will hate you for years maybe forever your parents will be angry and disapointed in you. Your brothers and sisters will also

So you tell us , will that piece of strange be worth that? It will rot your new relationship from within. Because she will get the same from her family
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Old 04-17-2013, 05:25 PM   #84 (permalink)
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Old 04-18-2013, 05:19 AM   #85 (permalink)
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fun stat for you


3% of affair relationships last long term

so you are throwing everything away for a really small chance at happiness

the truth is that your "love" for your neighbor is all mostly based in fantasy, once those endorphins of having exciting secret sex and professions of love wear off in the light of exposure, you are left with the reality of a real relationship with the same sort of problems all couples have and then add in the fact that neither of you will ever trust each other since you are both cheaters.
...Or you do end up staying together, but at what cost? My sister is one of the 3% that did stay (20+ years now). HOWEVER, the karma bus has driven over her big time !

The now husband is an over whelming nut job control freak who has ruled and controlled her EVERY move since day one (like AR points out, cheaters don't trust). The one child they have together is a 20 year old train wreck (yes, hard to admit that about a niece, but its true).

Also, he had 3 young kids at the time (my sister had none) and they all basically ignore him now as adults. Be careful what you THINK you wish for !
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Old 05-21-2013, 10:27 AM   #86 (permalink)
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Well I guess I got here too late. Firstly feel bad, but not too bad your a man and we have evolved to ****, that's it, spread our seed as it where. I know ladies..... its a drag but that's evolution for you! You girls are designed to

"find man, settle with man, have child"

The need women have for children is mother nature at work. Just as nature has designed men to **** as much as possible. You've got a problem , probably long resolved . However i wouldnt take the advice of these fat,ugly bitter moo's.

Dont confess thats the worst thing you could do! Why not just stick your face in a blender ? Tell your neighbour that you both have to stop, she'll understand I imagine your both sick with worry. Now move house . Dont **** where you eat.
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Old 05-21-2013, 10:54 AM   #87 (permalink)
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This guy is long gone.

I'm guessing that he halfheartedly confessed to his wife - Knowing full well that she could divorce him.

They divorced. His OW divorced. They then tried and then failed at making an adulterous relationship into a normal relation ship and his dream came crashing down around him.

OR, his wife divorced him. The OW didn't get divorced and his dreams came crashing down around him.

OR, the OW husband found out. Exposed the affair to his wife. Then the karma bus nails him.

The fact that he never posted again is testament that nothing ended will for him. Though that thought is not that unpleasant to me, I can't help but feel sorry for his wife, the OWH and the kids.
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