Someone posted somewhere that only 3% of relationships that start with one or both partners cheating on their spouse end up working out. I am wondering what you all think of my brothers situation.
About 15 years ago he met a woman on line and cheated with her. She was single. He left his wife and baby son for her and moved thousands of miles away. They got married and have a daughter, about 8 yrs old.
Before he cheated, he was happy go lucky, enjoyed a few drinks and parties now and then, was relaxed and sociable, our family was very important to him. Not overly religious but not averse to it. Highly educated. Fun.
New wife was/is a member of a cultish religion - I don't know what it is. Before I deleted myself from facebook a few months ago, every update from my brother and new wife was either a gushy lovey dovey one about the other, or religion based. My brother never visits - her family is now his only family it seems. He does stay in contact with his son, but only his son and my parents a bit. He has tried telling us, his family, that we are not 'allowed' to remain friendly with his ex, the mother of our nephew/grandchild/cousin. He is vehemently anti-drinking and FREAKED once when I sent him a slightly off-color email joke - apparently anything remotely sexual is completely taboo now.
My parents go to visit them and say they seem totally committed to each other and their church, and their daughter, but that they seem kind of 'fake'. They're home schooling her - wife is a SAHM and my brother has a high powered job. I know absolutely nothing about them myself other than what I glean second hand, since I have no contact with him (his choice)
Do you think this is one of the 3%? Or do you think one day I will get my brother back? I think he's living a total lie, but I could be wrong.
Hard to say but I've seen people find religion and change their spots for a woman before. Without fail eventually that new found religion seems to fade and those spots go back to what they were before. I've never seen the changes made for someone else stick. Once the religion fades and the spots return to their old ways it seems that the man and woman lose what they had in common and the relationship is on borrowed time.
I can't say I've seen the above a lot of times but I've seen it more than once and it happened the same way.
It's always the ones with the biggest skeletons in their closets that have a come to Jesus moment and then stand in judgment of everybody else.
You may get your brother back but more than likely not. These types (born agains, Pentacostal, etc) let their pride get in the way. They also rarely are genuine.....they just point fingers at others who they deem are not.
Wow, bright eyes. I have never met anyone that can look into the soul of another. Especially people you have never met. Must be cool being omniscient (all knowing). I thought that was a pretty cool power. Hey you wouldn't happen to be omnipotent and omnipresent too. Everybody has a God. Man was made to worship. He will either worship God or he will worship something else. Could be money, or career, football, technology. But mostly its self. As soon as someone realizes they are a sinner and comes to God, and starts to learn about him, and talk about him and his son (the salvation of mankind), people put them in a box. They hear terms like "Born again" and the exclusivity of claims like "No man comes to the father but by me", and they automatically believe that its pride that motivates them. Or they're fakers.
But I can tell you this regarding the cults. Cults have strict control of the people in their grasp. For instance, with cults you find that they're churches are small Jehovah's witnesses "kingdom hall" will fit around 120 so. And the same with Mormons. Small churches, but many of them. You won't see these cults with mega churches, because they have to be small so that they can exert maximum control of the member. Also you will find that they operate differently in other countries. For instance, in the US JWs are a religion. But in Mexico they are a "social group", why? Because in Mexico you can't own property if you are a religion. So because of this, they are not a church there. Another cult is called "The city church" like the Boston church of Christ or Los Angeles church of Christ. They believe that there is only one real church per city. So everyone else is Apostate. You also have to be baptized by them. This cult works the college scene. They slowly bring you in. Eventually they get you to quit college (because education is frowned on by most cults, along with critical thinking) and they also get you to stop talking to family members, to isolate them.
My greatest argument against the cults boils down to this. Christ on the cross. When Jesus was suffering on the cross between two thieves, it was the perfect picture of the saved and unsaved. One thief (the damned) said "If you be the son of God, come down from the cross and save yourself" mockingly. The other thief (the saved) told him to shut up (loose paraphrase) and said "we are getting what we deserve, but he has done nothing to deserve this. Then he says to Jesus, "Remember me when you come into your kingdom" And Christ said "TODAY you will be with me in paradise". You see simple. Faith in Christ is salvation. No baptism (though it is an outward sign of inner regeneration), no bread and wine. No attendance taking, or 10% of your income. Works based cults like JWs and Mormons, believe that they work themselves to heaven. But in reality Christ did all the work on the cross. What good work did the thief have? Nothing only his faith. Well that's the difference.
It mostly comes down to the nature of God and who Christ is. JWs believe that Jesus was "A" god. Not "THE" God. They are centrally controlled by "The Watchtower and bible tract society". Adherents to the faith work at the watch tower in NY. They are paid little or nothing. The LDS church believes that Jesus and Satan are spirit brothers. Wrong, Christ is creator and Satan was a creation. How can creator be brothers with his creation. Not happening. But cults usually will try to make Christ less then he is. Also LDS Church believe that Adam is God. Or "As Adam once was we shall be as him". Hopefully this will help you understand the way cults operate.
I am not inventing any of this. If you want to research. There is an excellent book called "kingdom of the cults" by Walter Martin.
I think what bright eyes is saying is that people who do a 90 degrees on thier religion and swap it for another one with vigor like your brother did tend to go to extremes and tend to lose thier focus to their "new" religion. They take everything overboard in proving to themselves that thier religion is now the only one, and tend to look down on those that didn't have an epiphany like they did.
A close friend of ours did this. He went from party animal, getting into lots of fights...to meeting a right wing preacher daughter, finding god, and telling us we were all going to hell because we still partied in college on the weekends. Being our friend, we just told him to fk off and go preach his god somewhere else. Eventually he calmed down and wasn't so zealous against us. In this instance, he is a much better man for finding his place with god, but that first year was a challenge with his judgement against us.
As for your brother, maybe you still have to wait it out a bit, until he realizes that as part of his religion, comes acceptance for others and thier ideals.
Of course, not to make light of your situation, if that was my brother, I'd make sure I sent him dirty jokes once a day after his rant just to prove a point. Plus, I'm an a$$hole like that. Posted via Mobile Device
Sorry, I didn't mean to start a religious debate!! I was more wondering about the fact he's a cheater who is with the cheatee with respect to statistics on them staying together. I don't even know what church he belongs to, and I don't know if it's technically a cult or not. It just seems to our family to have cultish characteristics.
Oh, and his ex was my maid of honor when I got married to my hubby
Yes, they are a cult. Its one of the major ones. Started in 1830 by Joseph Smith. He translated the Golden tablets. No one ever saw them. And then they were taken back to heaven.
The Book of Mormon is a rip off of the king James bible. I'll give you another example. In the book of Mormon you will find the "Thees" and "thous" and many other "old English words". The problem is in 1830 they spoke like us. Not 15th century english. I guess the Angel Moroni (who came from the 4th century) obviously stopped off in 16th century england, and delivered them to Joseph Smith. Why use a dead language? Because it sounded more holy.
How about directly from the bible.
Mark Chapter 12: The Widow's Mite
The Widow's Mite
1 And he began to speak unto them by parables. A [certain] man planted a vineyard, and set an hedge about [it], and digged [a place for] the winefat, and built a tower, and let it out to husbandmen, and went into a far country.
2 And at the season he sent to the husbandmen a servant, that he might receive from the husbandmen of the fruit of the vineyard.
3 And they caught [him], and beat him, and sent [him] away empty.
4 And again he sent unto them another servant; and at him they cast stones, and wounded [him] in the head, and sent [him] away shamefully handled.
5 And again he sent another; and him they killed, and many others; beating some, and killing some.
6 Having yet therefore one son, his wellbeloved, he sent him also last unto them, saying, They will reverence my son.
7 But those husbandmen said among themselves, This is the heir; come, let us kill him, and the inheritance shall be ours.
8 And they took him, and killed [him], and cast [him] out of the vineyard.
Christ was giving the parable. He was obviously speaking of himself. In verse 6. It speaks about him being the LAST. Last means no one else is being sent. No Mohammed, Joseph Smith, Charles Russell Tays, or Judge Rutheford. Last means last and Jesus was the last. No future prophets.
When Christ was on the cross and he said "Ta talesti" "It is finished" What exactly did he mean? The work was complete.
So Christ said in Mark. No one else is being sent. So don't get on my case. I didn't say he was last. He did.
AO no I don't believe that Catholics are a cult. Though some do believe in things like the deification of Mary. And that the pope is the "only vicar of Christ on earth"
Back to the Book of Mormon for a moment. It says that there were great cities and coinage. Why has there never been so much as a cent or anything found that supports their claim? No unearthed city. Heck they actually believe that Quetzalcoatl (the snake God of mexico) is the indian representation of Christ? The blood oaths that are taken in the temple are no where in the bible.
I am not saying that Mormons are bad people. Just can't call them Christians. Oh and we have a presidential election coming out. Don't you think that people should understand what their "possible" future president believes.