Wife still keeping things from me - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 08:38 PM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

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She is willing to make a timeline and do a poly. We both feel like now is not the be the best time to reconcile though because new babies are hard on marriages and our marriage is already so screwed up. Kind of need optimal conditions to fix things. She says her end goal is reconciliation so once the baby is born and the dust settles we'll see. In the meantime I'm still going to focus on my life and meeting new people. Things have been really smooth between us so far so I'm hoping whatever the outcome we'll stay on good terms for the kids.
So, you are going to delay reconciliation while you wait to reconcile?



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post #47 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 08:44 PM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

I haven't read the entire thread so I don't know where you live now.

In some States it does not matter who the father is if you are married when the baby is born. It is assumed to be yours and you are on the hook financially even if a DNA test after the birth proves that you are not the father.

Don't know if that makes any difference to you or not.
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post #48 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 04:49 AM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

You should do the poly asap. If she has been telling the truth what you are doing is wrong unfair. If she is telling the truth you are not holding up the responsibilities of a father. You are keeping you both in limbo. Further, if you were concerned about her faithfulness you should not have gotten her pregnant. I think you have already taken your pound of flesh. I am not sure why she would still want you around.
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post #49 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 03:29 PM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

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You should do the poly asap. If she has been telling the truth what you are doing is wrong unfair. If she is telling the truth you are not holding up the responsibilities of a father. You are keeping you both in limbo. Further, if you were concerned about her faithfulness you should not have gotten her pregnant. I think you have already taken your pound of flesh. I am not sure why she would still want you around.
He is under no obligation to stay married to this women. The contract is broken no matter if she is pregnant or not. That has nothing to do with his responsibility of being a father. He has an absolutely right not to stay married to a cheater. Also if the kid is genetically his he has a right by law to be in it's life with or without the mother, so he will BE around. Your opinion about the pound of flesh has no bearing.

Also where do you get off getting on him and not her (the cheater) for getting pregnant while she was cheating on him and they were trying to recover. Plus what happened to her body her choice. Most married women I know want to be in charge of there own birth control. None of this is his fault, if she hadn't cheated they wouldn't be in this situation. Talk about blaming the victim.
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post #50 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 03:59 PM
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Has anyone contacted the OM and his W (if married) to inform him of his potential paternity?
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post #51 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

for the sake of pregnancy hope she is doing OK mentally
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post #52 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

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Has anyone contacted the OM and his W (if married) to inform him of his potential paternity?
My wife obviously claims she hadn't been with him for a long time (and if you've read my post claims they only kissed). Anyway assuming she's not telling the truth then I also assume she's contacted him. Though It's unlikely the baby is his because the OM lived out of state across the country and she came to him to have the affair summer of 2014 and 2015. The only way it could be his is if he flew out to were we lived without me knowing. Without going into detail that seems unlikely but I'm not ruling it out.
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post #53 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 06:27 AM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

Lots of cheaters agree to take polygraphs in the hope that the spouse will say "Well, gosh, if you are agreeing to take one that must surely mean you are telling the truth!" And then they never follow through.

I think she's a lying sack....


Call her bluff. Schedule a poly and ask her to go. See what she does.
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post #54 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 12:37 AM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

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Now fast forward some more and she’s telling me she’s been pregnant since November and just found out. Her IUD had been causing false periods which is why she didn’t know. We did have a lot of sex during that time so it’s probably mine but I told her I was going to do a paternity test when the baby is born and she was fine with it.
Is it possible she had the IUD removed in order to get pregnant as a last-ditch effort to keep you hooked?
In other words, is it just possible that the pregnancy was intentional?
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post #55 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 01:07 AM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

If you're waiting for the baby to be born, make sure your name does not end up on that birth certificate before you get your paternity results.

You should really go for that blood test that was recommended to you.


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post #56 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 04:35 AM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

If her boyfriend is married then you still need to let his wife know of the impending paternity test. She has as much right to know as you.

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post #57 of 57 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 01:40 AM
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Re: Wife still keeping things from me

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If her boyfriend is married then you still need to let his wife know of the impending paternity test. She has as much right to know as you.
I personally would want to contact OMW and OM to hear their reactions. If anything it will cause a huge fight between them and that is worth the call. And she can be an ally to keep him from contacting your W in the future.

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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