My wife is planning on leaving me, she doesn't know i know
I'm sitting in this hotel room, not sure what I'm going to do, feel like I'm going crazy. Extremely sad, even more angry....not even sure why I'm here on this forum. Maybe I just want some place to use as a sounding board, idk. Anyway, our details:
Me 40, W 39, married 18 years
3 daughters, 16, 14 & 2 (the 2 yr old was unplanned)
I just finished up a contracting job a week ago Sunday, 10/2 that was supposed to last about 2 1/2 months longer, but my team and I finished it in just under 10 months instead of the one year timeframe that it was supposed to take. The job was on the road, all across the country, 1 location at a time. During these 10 months I'd come home every other weekend for a 4 day weekend with the family. When the offer came thru for this job, my initial reaction was to say no. I didn't want to be away from the family that much. But my wife encouraged me to take it. She said the money would really put us in a great place, and it will....it has.
I flew home very early the morning of Mon 10/3, not telling my W about the job finishing early, as I wanted to surprise her. I go to her work....she's the dept head of the computer science program at a small college here locally. In addition, she teaches several classes in the same field at that college. So I go in to the bldg where she teaches and sit on a bench waiting for her class to let out. I can hear her talking, but I don't want her to see me bc I want to surprise her, so I stay out of sight. The class still has about 45 mins to go. A young lady comes and sits on the other end of the bench. She pulls out a book and starts reading. I recognize the book as one from one of the classes that my wife teaches. I ask the young lady if she's in my wife's class. She asks me who my wife is, so I tell her, and she gets this very uncomfortable look on her face. I ask her if she's ok....she just looks at me. After about a minute of awkward silence, she asks if I'm looking to get arrested. I asked her what she was talking about. She says that it's common knowledge that my W and I are divorcing bc I've been physically abusive to her, and that my W has a restraining order taken out on me. I'm dumbfounded by this. I told her I think she's confused. She says she isn't. I told her I was there to surprise my W bc I'm home 2 months early from a job. She stays quiet. She says she's going to go get security. I ask her to please don't cause a commotion, and I tell her to watch....I tell her I'm going to get out of sight and call my W, and she'll leave her classroom and answer, bc she always takes my calls. I told her that I would act like I was still out of state bc I still want to surprise her. She says she thinks I'm just trying to get away. As I'm walking away, I tell her to just watch. I go outside and call my W. She answers after several rings. She's happy to hear my voice. I tell her I just called bc I miss her voice, but I had to go back to work. We exchange "I love you"s and hang up. I head back in and the girl said she doesn't know what the F is going on. She tells me that she saw my W come out of the classroom and take the call. And yes, she seemed very happy talking to me. She then proceeds to tell me that my wife has a boyfriend that is a student there at the college, he was her student last semester, said they don't hide their relationship and it's been going on for a while. Also, the girl knows the guy pretty well....very small college, same field of study, they pretty much all know each other. She says he's in his second year there, but he's "old. like around 30". Jeez, she must think I'm ancient. She also tells me that my W tells everyone that she's divorcing me bc I'm crazy and physically abusive. I tell her that I don't believe her....I don't have a clue what's going on. I've never raised a hand to her. She says even the staff knows. I tell her I don't think this is funny. She tells me to hold on.....she then goes into a computer lab and comes back out with another female. She tells her who I am, and then I get the same reaction from this girl as I did the first one. She calms her friend down and explains the phone call she just witnessed. At this point, reality has started to hit me....I get kind of dizzy, nauseated, can't breathe. I can't believe it....my W is cheating on me and if what I'm hearing is true, it seems like she's planning on leaving me. For a ****ing student!!!!! I decide I'm getting out of there....I leave without saying anything and the girls come chasing out after me. The first one that I talked to gives me her phone number and says I can call her if I want. They both promise to keep my being here in town and at the college quiet. The first girl that I met is visibly angry at my W, as I hear her say, "This is the most ****ed up thing I think I have ever come across....what a *****". I drove aimlessly around town for a couple hours, then I decided to get a hotel. A hotel FAR AWAY. I don't want to be seen by anyone. And now I'm sitting here in this hotel for a week now, thinking, thinking, thinking. I don't understand anything that's going on, but by god I will get to the bottom of it. I'll take my time, figure things out....I mean, I have 2+ months to gather evidence without her knowing I'm here, if that's what I need to do.
I've already picked up some VARs and I will place them in the house while she's teaching on tomorrow, as well as put one in her car.
I'm hoping this will all be a misunderstanding.....but it won't be. I'm a realist. She's cheating. God dammit! Right in front of everyone's face. But they're all fooled. And they've all been made to believe I'm the bad guy. ****.
****. ****. ****.
Good God I am so ****ing ANGRY!!!!! I've been in this ****ty hotel for a freaking week! And several times a day I think my heart is going to pop out of my chest. I've done absolutely nothing here except get more and more pissed off. I thought we were solid. She was what kept me going on the road this past 9+ months. When did she stop loving me? And why? She knows I could never forgive this...we've discussed it. ****...
I don't understand her blatantly lying to ppl about me being abusive to her and that we're divorcing. I mean, I get that she plans on leaving me, but these ppl she's telling, she knows I can cross paths with them. Not that I ever do....we live in a HUGE city where it's easy to never see anyone you know unless you make the effort to do so. I guess she's counting on that. And there is no restraining order. I checked. Again, blatant lie about me for no other reason than to make me look like ****!
But she wasn't counting on me being home 2+ months early. And I am going to use that to my advantage.
I'm in a hotel that's more than 100 miles from home, again, bc I don't want anyone seeing me. Being invisible will be my advantage. And I may call that girl that tipped me off. I could use an ally.
Jesus....I'm so pissed. I don't want to R. Not. At. All. It won't happen.
I'm going to **** her world up.
I'll update again tomorrow, if anyone is interested.
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Posted via Mobile Device
Last edited by TimeIsOnMySide; 10-17-2016 at 05:37 PM.
Reason: I've lost track of time, been in the hotel for two weeks