Red flags in Marriage - time to end? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 12:09 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

The thing is if the you do not get to the truth of the matter it will eat away at you. Especially when she goes out of town.

If you have never mistrusted your wife then all of a sudden you gut is telling you something is wrong. Go with you gut feeling on this.
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post #32 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

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The thing is if the you do not get to the truth of the matter it will eat away at you. Especially when she goes out of town.

If you have never mistrusted your wife then all of a sudden you gut is telling you something is wrong. Go with you gut feeling on this.
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That's it. I asked her about it directly and she said she has never cheated on me. I mentioned some details that were brought up and she didn't deny going to the bar, but said it was once. Per/Text message conversation I knew it was twice but I didn't divulge that information at the time, and she had trouble looking me in the eye for about 3 minutes. I'm trying to get myself past it what I believe happened. Yesterday I heard on the recording as she was pulling out of her parking spot at work she nailed a curb with her front bumper. She cursed herself for it pretty good, and I brought it up this morning after seeing it as we were leaving (it's very noticeable damage) and she played it off like she didn't know what happened, she "must" have hit something. I decided not to give her a hard time about it. I just don't know where to be with this relationship anymore. After a lengthy conversation the other night I feel like we got to a better place, but caught her in another lie. I made it a point to give her a hard time about where she spent some money to get her to hopefully talk in her car and it worked. I cannot make out the conversation in full because of engine noise and the radio was on, but I got the gist of her complaining really hard about me giving her a hard time about it to someone. She told me that night that I'm the only person she has to talk to about these relationship problems. Another lie. I've never had a reason to not trust her until recently. I want to believe it's just coincidence. But.. she keeps lying. I'm going on a guys trip in 2 weeks out of town for 3 nights, she wont have the kids 2 of them. I decided to keep the real time GPS tracking on her car during that time to see what transpires and will go from there. It's making me sick to my stomach...
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post #33 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 01:37 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

The more one lies, the easier it gets... it is troubling and addictive behavior for sure.

I just recently read this article:

Forbes Welcome

It doesn't excuse it, but it does add an explanation for what decreases and thus triggers the desire to expand.
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post #34 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 04:39 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

Put a var in the bedroom.

Also if you can place a micro cam on the entrances of the home then you will see who comes in and out.

If you can get out of the guys weekend then watch and see what happens. Rent a car, use the gps on the car to see where she goes. Follow her and it doesn't matter if she gets away for a little.

Or

Hire a pi to follow her.
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post #35 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 05:02 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

If your state allows you to print out separation/divorce papers off the internet do this. Tell her you deserve the truth that you know she is talking to someone about this and something has happened. Besides the info you have tell her her body language has give her away as well (she is acting guilty). Do not let her break in, get out what you have to say and ask for a direct answer. If she still deny's then hand her the papers and ask her to move out of the bedroom or move your stuff out into a spare room.
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post #36 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 06:41 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

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Always make sure the woman you marry is dumber and less educated than you.


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post #37 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 06:49 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

Can you move the VAR in the car to a better location? Or you might get a wired mic for the VAR which you can run to a better location. I've read of people putting the VAR up under the dashboard where it is easy to remove but hard to see. Then run the plug-in mic to a gap like where the steering column goes into the dash. Use little zip ties or Velcro wraps to secure the mic and wire. Except for a trained mechanic nobody would know it wasn't supposed to be there.
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post #38 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 06:57 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
The more one lies, the easier it gets... it is troubling and addictive behavior for sure.

I just recently read this article:

Forbes Welcome

It doesn't excuse it, but it does add an explanation for what decreases and thus triggers the desire to expand.
Some people just lie when they don't need to. It's their nature and gets easier as time goes by. Hitting the curb, for example. She didn't need to lie, it was the path of least resistance.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #39 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 09:30 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

PM @weightlifter. He can do magic with rough VAR recordings.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #40 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 09:40 PM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

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Some people just lie when they don't need to. It's their nature and gets easier as time goes by. Hitting the curb, for example. She didn't need to lie, it was the path of least resistance.
Perhaps, but to self-condition oneself to lie about so many insignificant things prepares oneself to lie about the notable and important things, the least resistant easily becoming the least restrained and thus a companion to poor choices.

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post #41 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 12:04 AM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

Listen, man, you say you feel like an idiot monitoring her... I get that. But its already telling you things about her that are surprizing you. My WW didnt talk much in her car either. Because she did all her talking face to face or on hidden apps or texts.

My wife & I are both professionals. She is higher educated (two degrees vs. my one) She travels for work as well like your wife does. I caught her in a well-hidden affair with her boss. She gaslighted me and lied her ass off until it was undeniable.

See, here's the thing. You two have your life at home, and then you have another life at work. Listen to me very carefully. She likely spends MORE time with some of those coworkers than she does you. Think about it- sit down and do the math- counting sleep hours etc... Do you really think shes not going to befriend these people? Now, the other thing is this- out of those people, how many are men, and would like to get in her pants? My WW and OM hid it VERY well from everybody.

What kind of office is it? My workplace was almost all men- and we worked on highly technical stuff with hard deadlines (think engineering projects). My wife's office on the other hand is more people oriented stuff. They network. They go out to eat lunch every day. When traveling, a lot of it is just seminars and conferences. When traveling, the coworkers eat meals at nice restaurants and visit bars for drinks after supper. The conferences have 'socials', perks, and activities planned for attendees. Its a perfect storm for breeding affairs, and that crap ought not to be allowed. The temptation is there- and it is very strong. They get too accustomed to it, and next thing they are in trouble.

Her traveling for work is like an adult vacation with no kids in sight. ok? Now what bad could possibly happen when her boss decides he wants to get in her pants and starts 'working on her'? He's her boss- he makes the decisions. He makes a pile of money. He's the alpha rooster in the henhouse. What happens when he starts giving her the right kind of attention? You start looking like a chump to her- that's what happens. It happens so frequently that I believe its almost inevititable.

After I caught her, I bluffed a full confession out of her. My wifes affair started by her working too closely with this guy. Eating lunch with him every day, riding in cars with him, staying late to finish stuff up. He worked on her with game, persued her relentlessly. She confided marital issues with him about our relationship where he convinced her to see me in a negative light. That progressed to a kiss in the office afterhours. Next trip they took, the guy wined and dined her and invited himself to watch TV in her room- and my wife became an adulterer. They started by only getting together on those trips- then it progressed to vehicles and behind locked doors in the office several times a week.

I had no clue whatsoever until more than eight months later she became too complacent about texting with him and I began to get suspicious. She had been screwing him for that long, and acting at home like she always had. It was a masterful performance.

I'm just telling you to lay low until you know for sure WTF is going on. Don't confront. Dont act weird. Just fake it. Keep monitoring religiously. Dont get caught! If you can afford a PI, hire one. When you are on your trip- have multiple vars placed strategically. Keep it up until you catch her, or else you are SURE there's nothing going on.

Where you dont want to be is in limbo several years from now with a suspected cheater that has learned how to play the game and not get caught- which is where you will be if you dont catch her and have solid evidence. Evidence gives you leverage- divorce or reconcile- if you have evidence you can make informed decisions and she can't deny it, lie to family and friends, and rewrite history. Knowing what I know now, your wifes actions bear investigation. Chill out, lay low, catch her, get the evidence!
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post #42 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 12:41 AM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

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Listen, man, you say you feel like an idiot monitoring her... I get that. But its already telling you things about her that are surprizing you. My WW didnt talk much in her car either. Because she did all her talking face to face or on hidden apps or texts.

My wife & I are both professionals. She is higher educated (two degrees vs. my one) She travels for work as well like your wife does. I caught her in a well-hidden affair with her boss. She gaslighted me and lied her ass off until it was undeniable.

See, here's the thing. You two have your life at home, and then you have another life at work. Listen to me very carefully. She likely spends MORE time with some of those coworkers than she does you. Think about it- sit down and do the math- counting sleep hours etc... Do you really think shes not going to befriend these people? Now, the other thing is this- out of those people, how many are men, and would like to get in her pants? My WW and OM hid it VERY well from everybody.

What kind of office is it? My workplace was almost all men- and we worked on highly technical stuff with hard deadlines (think engineering projects). My wife's office on the other hand is more people oriented stuff. They network. They go out to eat lunch every day. When traveling, a lot of it is just seminars and conferences. When traveling, the coworkers eat meals at nice restaurants and visit bars for drinks after supper. The conferences have 'socials', perks, and activities planned for attendees. Its a perfect storm for breeding affairs, and that crap ought not to be allowed. The temptation is there- and it is very strong. They get too accustomed to it, and next thing they are in trouble.

Her traveling for work is like an adult vacation with no kids in sight. ok? Now what bad could possibly happen when her boss decides he wants to get in her pants and starts 'working on her'? He's her boss- he makes the decisions. He makes a pile of money. He's the alpha rooster in the henhouse. What happens when he starts giving her the right kind of attention? You start looking like a chump to her- that's what happens. It happens so frequently that I believe its almost inevititable.

After I caught her, I bluffed a full confession out of her. My wifes affair started by her working too closely with this guy. Eating lunch with him every day, riding in cars with him, staying late to finish stuff up. He worked on her with game, persued her relentlessly. She confided marital issues with him about our relationship where he convinced her to see me in a negative light. That progressed to a kiss in the office afterhours. Next trip they took, the guy wined and dined her and invited himself to watch TV in her room- and my wife became an adulterer. They started by only getting together on those trips- then it progressed to vehicles and behind locked doors in the office several times a week.

I had no clue whatsoever until more than eight months later she became too complacent about texting with him and I began to get suspicious. She had been screwing him for that long, and acting at home like she always had. It was a masterful performance.

I'm just telling you to lay low until you know for sure WTF is going on. Don't confront. Dont act weird. Just fake it. Keep monitoring religiously. Dont get caught! If you can afford a PI, hire one. When you are on your trip- have multiple vars placed strategically. Keep it up until you catch her, or else you are SURE there's nothing going on.

Where you dont want to be is in limbo several years from now with a suspected cheater that has learned how to play the game and not get caught- which is where you will be if you dont catch her and have solid evidence. Evidence gives you leverage- divorce or reconcile- if you have evidence you can make informed decisions and she can't deny it, lie to family and friends, and rewrite history. Knowing what I know now, your wifes actions bear investigation. Chill out, lay low, catch her, get the evidence!
Why is she still your wife?
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post #43 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 02:15 AM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

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That's it. I asked her about it directly and she said she has never cheated on me. I mentioned some details that were brought up and she didn't deny going to the bar, but said it was once. Per/Text message conversation I knew it was twice but I didn't divulge that information at the time, and she had trouble looking me in the eye for about 3 minutes. I'm trying to get myself past it what I believe happened. Yesterday I heard on the recording as she was pulling out of her parking spot at work she nailed a curb with her front bumper. She cursed herself for it pretty good, and I brought it up this morning after seeing it as we were leaving (it's very noticeable damage) and she played it off like she didn't know what happened, she "must" have hit something. I decided not to give her a hard time about it. I just don't know where to be with this relationship anymore. After a lengthy conversation the other night I feel like we got to a better place, but caught her in another lie. I made it a point to give her a hard time about where she spent some money to get her to hopefully talk in her car and it worked. I cannot make out the conversation in full because of engine noise and the radio was on, but I got the gist of her complaining really hard about me giving her a hard time about it to someone. She told me that night that I'm the only person she has to talk to about these relationship problems. Another lie. I've never had a reason to not trust her until recently. I want to believe it's just coincidence. But.. she keeps lying. I'm going on a guys trip in 2 weeks out of town for 3 nights, she wont have the kids 2 of them. I decided to keep the real time GPS tracking on her car during that time to see what transpires and will go from there. It's making me sick to my stomach...
I am sorry you followed the advise of a couple of unexperienced posters. This may harm you for years if you do not stop that.

If there is an affair going on you just sent it underground with the above. The lies indicate problems and red flags. Now stop giving her information, stop talking about it and start watching and looking into the matter. Many posters like you come back later and say 'I should have listened to you guys'.....

God Creates out of Nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but He does what is still more Wonderful: He makes Saints out of Sinners.

Soren Kierkegaard
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post #44 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 04:56 AM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

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Listen, man, you say you feel like an idiot monitoring her... I get that. But its already telling you things about her that are surprizing you. My WW didnt talk much in her car either. Because she did all her talking face to face or on hidden apps or texts.

My wife & I are both professionals. She is higher educated (two degrees vs. my one) She travels for work as well like your wife does. I caught her in a well-hidden affair with her boss. She gaslighted me and lied her ass off until it was undeniable.

See, here's the thing. You two have your life at home, and then you have another life at work. Listen to me very carefully. She likely spends MORE time with some of those coworkers than she does you. Think about it- sit down and do the math- counting sleep hours etc... Do you really think shes not going to befriend these people? Now, the other thing is this- out of those people, how many are men, and would like to get in her pants? My WW and OM hid it VERY well from everybody.

What kind of office is it? My workplace was almost all men- and we worked on highly technical stuff with hard deadlines (think engineering projects). My wife's office on the other hand is more people oriented stuff. They network. They go out to eat lunch every day. When traveling, a lot of it is just seminars and conferences. When traveling, the coworkers eat meals at nice restaurants and visit bars for drinks after supper. The conferences have 'socials', perks, and activities planned for attendees. Its a perfect storm for breeding affairs, and that crap ought not to be allowed. The temptation is there- and it is very strong. They get too accustomed to it, and next thing they are in trouble.

Her traveling for work is like an adult vacation with no kids in sight. ok? Now what bad could possibly happen when her [B]boss decides he wants to get in her pants and starts 'working on her'? He's her boss- he makes the decisions. He makes a pile of money. He's the alpha rooster in the henhouse. What happens when he starts giving her the right kind of attention? You start looking like a chump to her- that's what happens. It happens so frequently that I believe its almost inevititable.

After I caught her, I bluffed a full confession out of her. My wifes affair started by her working too closely with this guy. Eating lunch with him every day, riding in cars with him, staying late to finish stuff up. He worked on her with game, persued her relentlessly. She confided marital issues with him about our relationship where he convinced her to see me in a negative light. That progressed to a kiss in the office afterhours. Next trip they took, the guy wined and dined her and invited himself to watch TV in her room- and my wife became an adulterer. They started by only getting together on those trips- then it progressed to vehicles and behind locked doors in the office several times a week.

I had no clue whatsoever until more than eight months later she became too complacent about texting with him and I began to get suspicious. She had been screwing him for that long, and acting at home like she always had. It was a masterful performance.

I'm just telling you to lay low until you know for sure WTF is going on. Don't confront. Dont act weird. Just fake it. Keep monitoring religiously. Dont get caught! If you can afford a PI, hire one. When you are on your trip- have multiple vars placed strategically. Keep it up until you catch her, or else you are SURE there's nothing going on.

Where you dont want to be is in limbo several years from now with a suspected cheater that has learned how to play the game and not get caught- which is where you will be if you dont catch her and have solid evidence. Evidence gives you leverage- divorce or reconcile- if you have evidence you can make informed decisions and she can't deny it, lie to family and friends, and rewrite history. Knowing what I know now, your wifes actions bear investigation. Chill out, lay low, catch her, get the evidence!
OP,
Forgive my thread jack but if you, or anyone else for that matter, can read the bolded above and see intelligence then we have vastly differing definitions of what constitutes intelligence. What I see is immaturity, lack of self respect, one who is unsure of herself, her life, her feelings and pretty much everything she thinks she knows, one easily manipulated and sadly lacking in integrity, a person of poor moral character, in other words a young teenage girl. A girl who has not yet developed sufficient intellect to be able to see through her "boss" like a looking glass, understand her place as wife and mother, understand honor and integrity, truly know who she is and why and have a good moral compass.

If she were truly intelligent this would not be happening to you now. Intelligent people do things out of reason and logic and with rationale and if she were such, you could simply express your concerns, ask for her explanation and get a reasonable response. The fact that you cannot is very telling and forces you to sleuth around to find the truth.
You must remember the mentality you are dealing with and treat her accordingly.

Last edited by NoChoice; 10-30-2016 at 05:27 AM.
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post #45 of 85 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 07:05 AM
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Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

Intelligent doesn't mean smart. Many intelligent people are foolish. Many kids I went to school with seemed so unintelligent I wondered how they would keep from starving. Their successes have amazed me.

Go into detective mode. Keep quiet and act normal. It is your job as a father to protect your kids and family. If that takes snooping so be it. Use any tool you can find. No beta excuses, just do it.

Are you saying you had no idea how handy she can be with a small lie?

NEVER tell her how you know what you know. Never tell her all you know.
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