Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?
QUOTE=bandit.45;16795225]I agree with Thor that you need to back off for a while and stop talking about it with her. It is only going to make her more careful, which will in turn make it harder for you to catch her.
Be nice as pie to her. Don't mention your suspicions. It is way to early for a polygraph. A polygraph is for AFTER you catch them or after they confess, to ensure that they are giving you the whole story. Trying to get a polygraph now will just send her through the stratosphere. She will be daring you to divorce her.[/QUOTE]
Bandit has a good point here EXCEPT for the fact that you are so upset that you are having a hard time functioning so I am not sure if just sitting still for a few weeks or months wondering and gettin g yourself physically sick is going to be a smart move for you.
I agree you should stop talking to her about it. But your next step should be to ignore the advice about that you should not snoop. What are you supposed to do, sit there and wait for a brick to fall on your head and hope it does not.
If you cannot afford a PI, you quickest and most direct to find out both the truth and where her head is at is to tell her you need her to prove she is not cheating to you or you are divorcing her. She can do that with a polygraph test. If she has absolutely nothing to hide, she should be dragging your ass to the examiner. My wife was cheating and one of the main reasons after I got the whole story that she even got to be married any more is that she on her own found and set up a polygraph test place and anytime I got quiet or upset about anything she asked if it was time to do it. And as far as that now is not the time to do it, that is also a good point if someone told you it could only be done once. But if you find she HAS been cheating, then you just tell her she will be a frequent flyer at the examiner';s office if she wants to stay married to you.
You have to understand, even if you never get to a polygraph, the knowledge that it is hanging over her head will make it clear that while she may cheat or cheat again but she WILL get caught and rather quickly. She has to believe that and believe that the consequence of not telling the truth will end the marriage.
And if she absolutely refuses, guess what that tells you.
Now your health is of utmost importance here, and you will not remain mentally or physically healthy here if you do not get some answers, and not 6 months or a year from now. And snooping through VAR and other means is exhausting for more than a certain period. If you were calm about all of this, and some guys can remain calm, maybe your best course might be different.
But from what you have posted my advice to you is to go on the offensive, force her to show what she really feels and thinks, and get your answers to make a decision.
I know others will disagree. Just my $ .02