Thank you all, I am considering everything.
I do believe she wants to reconcile. And while I could see it down the road, I now realize I was probably going about it the wrong way though. Oddly, this evening in exposing to everyone (both her people and mine) I started to feel at peace. She is gone to me, and though I miss what I had, I've been through enough breakups to know that it's over.
I do believe that she's not slept with him in the past 72 hours (ha) but I think all this is spot on, it was only a matter of time before a relapse. I found it odd how quickly she was willing to cut it off, took it as a sign of her love for me. But if she built up to this for 18 months (at least) planned it for months, hid it for weeks ... it wasn't a mistake, was it? It wasn't getting drunk and making out -- not that that would have been okay.
Even if it was not malicious, she was powerless to stop herself, especially now she's hurting and if I'm not around. I know this sounds naive -- but there's not really a chance that she has like a brain tumor or a psychotic break, right? She's just so unlike the woman I married and have our first children with.
And so now, I have an appointment on Friday to start the filing. I hope we can be good to each other through the porcess. I have no proof other than her admission and she will now be ultra careful if she does carry on, hopefully that will not affect things.
So we'll see.
In the meantime... I don't know. Clean the house I guess? She's away on work -- no idea if the dip**** is with her. I'm starting to not care. She was pissed that I exposed to everyone. Hopefully that passes, I really hope she is not losing it to the point she might start to use the kids.
I told my friends. They're supportive, I don't know why I ever hesitated -- it's a good group of guys. I have people at least, I now realize.
You can bet your 401K that is she is still telling you that despite what has happened that she wants to call her OM, that this is NOT over. Do not believe a word she says to you, and do not let the fear of her not being amicable taint your actions. You be amicable as long as she takes what you decide and not one second longer. She is not the victim here my friend and you do not let her play it.
This OM has just had a ****fest anytome your wife could get free and he is not going to give that up as long as your wife is still willing to talk to him. And she is going to talk to him. Of course she may appear she wants to reconcile. With him living next door and you travelling she knows you cannot catch her again unless you get lucky.
My bet is the next move will be a burner phone.
Jay, she is sorry she was stupid enough to walk out of the house with you there and get caught. That is all she is sorry about other than it may be starting to hit her that you are not going to accept what she has done.
Like someone said, you have no real options here that are the basis for any reconciliation
(1) she is obviously still "pining" for him and is probably less than a three minute walk from his bed
(2) you have no way to track her with this proximity
(3) you cannot trust anything she says
Do not get bogged down in this "fog" bull ****. She is in no fog. She planned this all along, it went on for longer than you know, and she had absol;utterly no intention of stopping it. You will never have a moments peace with him next door. She should be crawling across the floor BEGGING you. Instead she is telling you she misses him.
You did the absolute correct thing exposing this and if you can you ought to expose it to his ex wife if you can find her so that she is not duped into getting back with him since he might try that because you blew up his daily blow job fun.
If your wife is calmly walking around going about her business and just telling you she is sorry you are making a big mistake if you even consider R right now.
Play a little game and if you even get into that conversation tell her she will take a polygraph every quarter for a year and just watch her reaction. Even if you have no intention of doing it she will resemble Casper The Ghost knowing there is absolutely no chance she will fool you again anytime in the foreseeable future.
Remember, you CAN stop a divorce any time you want to.