Re: Here goes nothing... (sorry, very long)
I also believe both BPD and CSA victims are prone to limerence in an attempt to escape themselves. Yes sometimes they are right, it is not you - it is them.
What Is Limerence?
We use the term limerence for this strong emotion. It was coined in 1979 by Dorothy Tennov. In her book Love and Limerence she listed a number of characteristics of limerence including:
• intrusive thinking about the person one is madly in love with (referred to as the Limerent Object or LO)
• strong, pervasive longing for the LO to reciprocate the emotion
• feelings of euphoria or ecstasy when any action by the LO is interpreted as demonstrating reciprocal emotions
• obsessive thinking about the LO to the point that many other things, even important things, are ignored or neglected
• a powerful perception that the LO is nearly flawless (good qualities are magnified; bad qualities strongly minimized)
• sexual desire for the LO
Neither a straying spouse nor a paramour in limerence sees the future as it likely will be. They exist in the throes of ecstasy that come with limerence, as well as the pits of fear when anything occurs that has any possibility of preventing them from being together. That fear leads each of them not only to experience exuberance when the LO demonstrates positive emotion, but also worry and despair if they interpret any word or action from the LO as negative. Those of us who have been through limerence testify that it is a strange, overwhelming sensation that vacillates wildly between love and fear, joy and misery. That’s why logic doesn’t work with people in limerence. It’s such a powerful emotion that it denies the logic that confronts it.
See any of this in your wife's relationship. See OM knows this and is loving the free ride. The question in this case is not how do you get your wife to stop, it is how to make him get out of your marriage. If you don't he will be in your divorce egging her on.
How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish