Really looking for positive comments and encouragement, I already have plenty of negativity.
Backround:
I am 44 my wife is 42, been married for 16 years and have 3 great kids, 17, 14, & 11. We both work full time and drive to work together everyday (my wife doesn't drive any more she developed some type of fear of driving about 5 years ago. This is what makes my situation a little different, I was driving her to have an affair....).
Situation: (apologize if I am all over the place)
About 5 months ago I caught my wife having an affair with someone her office does business with. Before catching her the affair went on for at least 6 months, although, I believe it was much longer than that. As a side note, this is not the first time my wife has cheated on me. She cheated with an exboyfriend very early in our marriage (I was able to dismiss this fairly easily as our marriage did not start off as a typical marriage, it was rough going in the beginning and neither of us I think were ready for it).
Back to the current situation.
I love my wife with everything I have and have absolutely no intentions of leaving her or my family, but, am struggling terribly. I want my marriage to survive and thrive in a positive and happy direction, but, my fears of this happening again, not being able to forget things I learned that happened in this affair (I am an IT specialist and when I found out about this I was able to find and read her messages and internet search history, bothers me she did things with another man that I wanted her to do with me. Also bothers me that she was in communication with him on days like Christmas (now I hate Christmas) and while I spent some time in the hospital, I was in the hospital and she was communicating with him!). I am also scared it is still going on at some level, she still works at the same job (very small office, 2 people) and claims she has had no contact with him, I am having a very hard time believing this as I know her office does business with this person. All this said I want to believe my wife and have our marriage get through this. Problem is my own mind and thoughts are preventing any type of progress.
I could type for days on more details, but, don't know what else is relevant. Please feel free to ask anything, I am a 100% open book, just looking for help and encouragement.
Backround:
I am 44 my wife is 42, been married for 16 years and have 3 great kids, 17, 14, & 11. We both work full time and drive to work together everyday (my wife doesn't drive any more she developed some type of fear of driving about 5 years ago. This is what makes my situation a little different, I was driving her to have an affair....).
Situation: (apologize if I am all over the place)
About 5 months ago I caught my wife having an affair with someone her office does business with. Before catching her the affair went on for at least 6 months, although, I believe it was much longer than that. As a side note, this is not the first time my wife has cheated on me. She cheated with an exboyfriend very early in our marriage (I was able to dismiss this fairly easily as our marriage did not start off as a typical marriage, it was rough going in the beginning and neither of us I think were ready for it).
Back to the current situation.
I love my wife with everything I have and have absolutely no intentions of leaving her or my family, but, am struggling terribly. I want my marriage to survive and thrive in a positive and happy direction, but, my fears of this happening again, not being able to forget things I learned that happened in this affair (I am an IT specialist and when I found out about this I was able to find and read her messages and internet search history, bothers me she did things with another man that I wanted her to do with me. Also bothers me that she was in communication with him on days like Christmas (now I hate Christmas) and while I spent some time in the hospital, I was in the hospital and she was communicating with him!). I am also scared it is still going on at some level, she still works at the same job (very small office, 2 people) and claims she has had no contact with him, I am having a very hard time believing this as I know her office does business with this person. All this said I want to believe my wife and have our marriage get through this. Problem is my own mind and thoughts are preventing any type of progress.
I could type for days on more details, but, don't know what else is relevant. Please feel free to ask anything, I am a 100% open book, just looking for help and encouragement.