See my earlier post for my story. My youngest son installed a cheap GPS unit on the car my wife drives. He was thinking she was having an affair as was I. I live in another city during the week and come home on weekends. My youngest son had to replace his radiator and came to our home on Tuesday (Nov. 29) to work on it. My wife left home around 4 P.M. and my son called me at work and told me that she was going shopping but it did not make sense. So we both watched her movements on our computers. She quickly was heading in a direction she never went before. In about 1/2 hour she was at the work site of the guy I suspected that she was cheating. Facebook tells you a lot about people. She was there about 1/2 hour and then drove off to a little Amish church in the country. I called her and told her about my day and she said that she was out. I said, Oh, you are out, where are you shopping? She told me that she was at Walmart which was about 30 miles from where her GPS had her located. I told her I love you and she said I love you and we hung up.
I was shaking. She lied (no surprise) but if she told me she was buying special dog food I would have believed her because I (not her) buy dog food at a Amish store in that area. I called my son. He said, Dad, we got her. I was going to let this go on till the weekend but I had enough evidence. I told my son I was going to call her.
I am three hours away. So I called her and confronted her. She went ballistic. Stating why am I accusing her of cheating when she is at Walmart. I told her where she was and who was in the car with her. She cursed me out and says she will not stand for this and is going to leave Walmart and go home. She hung up. I called her back and to my surprise her phone came right on and my wife and her boyfriend did not know it. I heard everything. My wife said, how does he know I am at your place, how does he know where I am and who I am with, etc. It was sweet.
I was on my way home and my wife did not know it. She called me several times and berated me for accusing her of cheating. After many hangups she finally admitted to have met with the guy.
I called several friends and her older brother on my way home and they talked me out of doing something I would regret or end up in jail for doing. Fortunately I had a three hour drive to sort things out.
When I arrived home my wife was shocked and I called my two boys to be with me (ages 27 and 25). I told them the whole story, my youngest son acted like he knew nothing. The three of us talked very firmly to my wife for about two hours. Yes they yelled at their mother.
Her initial reaction was that she did nothing. The boys were the best at knocking her defenses down and I confronted every lie. It was great teamwork without having practiced.
My boys yelled at their mother and asked her what did Dad do to deserve this? My wife said your dad did nothing, I am to blame.
I left and now am back in the City where I work and can't sleep. I told her I am filing for divorce and will sell the house. I contacted her boyfriend and his wife. I contacted some of my wife's family. I am going to let her entire family know. I will be contacting the boyfriend's pastor (as the boyfriend says he is a true follower of Jesus). I am ordained and served as a pastor and chaplain for many years. Clinically trained, etc. but this is not the time to stay professional.
Let the light shine on the stinking vampires and see them scurry.
Let me commend you on your swift action. Somehow your wife lost respect for you, and as a believer you have done exactly what you should have. She now respects you again. I don't know if you are planning on going through with the divorce, or if her cheating was an absolute deal breaker? Not knowing any of her other qualities or history, I couldn't make a judgement on that. I am sure others would like further details if you're comfortable. Stay strong
Sorry that you finally got positive proof and a little admission of guilt. Its not a surpise considering your last thread, with all the classic signs of cheating and her behaving exactly according to the WS script, right down to the fake indignation (just about all of them do that).
Its great that you have two adult sons who are very supportive of you and refuse to enable their mother's behavior. You're doing the right thing by exposing the affair to everyone and bringing their dirty little secret into the light of day. Do the 180, and take the time to decide whether you will want to D or not.
IF you decide to R, there is going to be some major changes and heavy lifting that she has to do. If you've been on here long enough and read enough stories, you will know that she has to do a lot to help repair this marriage.....if you go the R route.
IF you decide to D, then you know the deal being retired military. If she's been married to you for at least half of your military career, then she gets half of your retirement pay. Its a shame that the effort to get that changed died in congress. I know I would be in the same boat if I decide to divorce my own fWW. You still have to pay into that Survivor Benefit Plan even after divorce unless she remarries. But at least you can take her off your Tricare Prime (if you have that) coverage and any VGLI or other insurance that you have.
My wife was my soul mate and the joy of my life. Married 28 years. We have an antique business and I am a professional counselor and a part-time minister (mainly doing consulting work for churches).
She had an EA in April and May 2010 that was very sexual and she did a similar thing 12 years ago with three guys online.
She killed something inside me last year. I survived a combat tour in Iraq and even war was not as rough as what I went through last year. I forgave her but have not trusted her since (not an ounce of trust).
She can be very vivacious, charming and funny. She was a good mother to our boys. I know what folks will say here, but my boys adored their mother.
That is why I made sure the boys were with me last night when I came home.
I can almost see inside my wife's head and I knew when she was getting ready to cheat. She kept looking at this guy's page on facebook over and over again. Our agreement was to be transparent. If she felt tempted she agreed that she would say something to me. Share passwords, etc. Slowly over time she changed her passwords. She would tell me but she did not tell me what they were. I suppose if I asked she would have given them to me but the agreement was to share without asking.
I am in counseling for war trauma and my marriage issues. My one counselor is a great clinician and he predicted that my wife would do it again and he never met my wife. He told me, counselor, what is your wife doing to fix things? I said nothing. She does not go for counseling and she acts like everything is normal, even though my guts were ripped out of me and I am still hurting. He said my wife is needy and nothing I do can fill it. He says we all have unmet needs and we make choices on how to get those needs met or to live with unmet needs. He said no one can meet all the needs of their spouses. How we live with those unmet needs shows the character of a person.
. He says we all have unmet needs and we make choices on how to get those needs met or to live with unmet needs. He said no one can meet all the needs of their spouses. How we live with those unmet needs shows the character of a person.
Sounds like a very clever man. that makes an awful lot of sense.
A very wise counselor. There is one way to look at. And though it is painful God's going to use if for good in your life and I wager the life of others. Romans 8:28 right? With Europe and the middle east collapsing, it is an incredible time to be singled up for his call. You are a consultant for churches. Maybe Gods got something special for you to do.......alone.
I can almost see inside my wife's head and I knew when she was getting ready to cheat. She kept looking at this guy's page on facebook over and over again. Our agreement was to be transparent. If she felt tempted she agreed that she would say something to me. Share passwords, etc. Slowly over time she changed her passwords. She would tell me but she did not tell me what they were. I suppose if I asked she would have given them to me but the agreement was to share without asking.
I only found out after the fact when I was investigating, that my fWW was constantly looking at OMs page when I checked the browser history. She was checking his page constantly using her profile, and then I discovered another profile. I realized that other profile was the secret facebook account that she created, the secret facebook account that popped up when I entered her work email when trying to log in. They don't call facebook "Cheating made easy" for nothing. It's so simple to create a secret account because its so easy to create secret email accounts. Fortunately for me, she used her work email addy to create the secret facebook account. If she had used a secret email account for the secret facebook account, I probably wouldn't have found out until she had her bags packed.
That's why one needs computer monitoring software and cell phone monitoring software because of todays smart phones. You never know when you will discover a secret social networking account, email account, or secret dating profile. Its yet another tool that a BS needs.
If anyone needs any good recommendations for tracking devices, I used eblaster for his lap top and they also have a version for the smart phones. Gives you updates every few minutes of keystrokes logged and sites looked at. Also, the phone version gives you copies of all incoming and outgoing texts with a few minutes. It also has a GPS on it, but I prefer running Instamapper.com on the phone that gives you real time updates of their cell phone location every 5 seconds. I'm always looking for new technology, so if you can recommend something else to me, I would appreciate the help!
He says we all have unmet needs and we make choices on how to get those needs met or to live with unmet needs. He said no one can meet all the needs of their spouses. How we live with those unmet needs shows the character of a person.
Thanks for sharing, that unmet need thing was awsome, it really summed it up for me and my view on infidelity.
The waywards chacter needs to be fixed/worked on, for healthier behaviors. The bad marriage is completely different, but its just so damb easy for waywards to use as an excuse, instead of admitting to there selves that they are messed up.
I want to tell you how sorry I am for what has happened to you. It's truly something only a fellow survivor can understand. The pain of infidelity has been immeasurable for me. I actually caught my husband last week having an affair with a coworker. Devastated doesn't even begin to describe it. May I ask for a link to the actual GPS you used? Lots of (((Hugs))) to you! April
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I haven't really thought about the future that much, but when I die I think I'll go back to doing whatever I was doing for the fifteen billion years before I was born.
I would recommend the unit as it did the job for me. But it is a cheaper unit and has some shortcomings, but the reports are very accurate. My son and I were unsure of this company because we could find very little on it. My son called them and felt more confident about the company. I believe they take old cell phones and use them so I would imagine each unit is different depending on the phone they are using. There are a couple of gliches with the device I have (e.g. my wife's car can look like it is not exactly where it is when you are looking at it on the computer, car is parked at home but on the computer it shows it is 6 blocks away), But the information on the reports are dead on accurate and the unit does show the exact address that the car is at even thought the computer image shows a not always real time accurate pictue.
My two sons want me to work this out. They are both in their late twenties and have been a great support. So I came home on Thursday and am trying to work things out. Apparently the day I confronted her (last Tuesday) was when she thought it would be the time they were going to have sex and I stopped it by calling her. Strange but I believe her. ironically I was going to wait to the weekend to confront her (it would have given her all the time she needed that night plus more days to meet with the guy), and I believe that my phone call stopped her plans for that evening.
I have an attorney who i am paying and I have great support from friends. They all have been here or have worked professionally in these issues. My attorney and others know my wife. They would all also like to see us work things out though they support any decision I make.
Cheap GPS worked - caught wife cheating 
