11-30-2011, 04:27 AM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: South of England
| | Is this progress?
My apologies for posting here on a daily basis, but I do find it cathartic, and am grateful for the honest replies.
So we're now 1 month on from D-day, and 2 weeks on from the 2nd D-day where I believe I found out the truth behind my wife's EA/PA. It was a month long event. I'm not convinced it was physical, and have heard her crying to her friends on her phone through the VAR that she knows I will never believe her about it even though it's the truth. I am also very sure that Nc has actually been established.
So, where are we.
Well, she's admitted that she is in love with the OM. She wants her marriage to work, and is desperately trying to let go, but finding it very difficult as she misses him. She is battered by constant people having a pop at her as the affair was exposed in a small, tight knit sporting community we are both members of. Everyone knows about it, but that was her fault for walking arm in arm with another man....She feels incredibly alone and lonely, because everyone sides with me. She is incredibly embarassed and ashamed. She is trying to do more to show remorse, and now texts and calls me fairly constantly throughout the day to reassure me, and to tell me that she loves me and is sorry. She is also coming to marriage counselling with me, and seems to be pretty open and honest with it. She is contributing to the homework that they give us. There's still no massive "im taking charge of our marriage" signs, but she knows she should be doing them and just feels stuck.
I'm actually....doing ok. I'm sleeping better at night. I've lost 21lbs, and am running 5k most days. I still get paranoid but it's easing off. I'm not being as angry with her, which obviously lets her start to get a little closer to me. I'm starting to see a future, both with her and without her. I'd love my marriage to work, but I'm now open to the idea that it might not, although I know I would be devastated. I'm happy to hang in there for a bit and see if the fog lifts, especially with counselling happening. I'm able to function a bit more at work and I'm not obsessing "quite" sop much, which is an amazing relief. I am starting to make some plans with friends that do not involve her, and she has very much noticed this.
We went away for a long weekend this weekend, and we started to get closer. There was less fighting, less tears (from me). More tears (from her). She even initiated a little intimacy. Not full intercourse, but enough to leave me smiling for the morning. When I break down and get angry, she backs away a bit, but as I calm down we seem to be slowly moving together. We both want the marriage to work. I have made it very clear that without a lifting of the fog and a start to heavy lifting then I will heal myself and leave, but am happy to hang in there through the christmas period and counselling.
S. I guess we'll see. My wife loves another man. I'm waiting for her to come to her senses, but sorting myself out in the meantime. It's not a hard 180, just a realisation that I cannot be a puppy through this process. I hope with all my heart that my marriage survives. But I can't continue to fight for both of us, so am hanging in there to see that my wife does.