If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal.. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 05:25 PM Thread Starter
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If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

So there is a wonderful post on SI/Wayward from a person 5 years out. She basically says her life is great, really not even a word about the pain she caused her husband. The affairs happened and they suck. Not much more, basically I was really a crazy person when I did all this.

I have been reading a lot of these blogs for a while now, not sure why. I think because for me as a person who hates injustice the injustice of it all really is an eye opener. It's kind of like a car crash type of thing. I have come to the conclusion the when you really look at it people who have affairs almost always get the best deal out of it. I mean REALLY get the best deal. This being said only if the couple stays together, but maybe even if the leave. I think most are not even capable of even understanding the hurt they have caused. It's sad but it is really true, if you don't have much of a conscience why not have an affair. Even society doesn't frown on you now a days. Your spouse will be upset but hell they will get over it, at least enough to stop hassling you about it. Really it is only painful for a while and only a long term personal problem if you have some shame, which if you are going to do this you really don't have much to begin with.

I guess I always knew this, I mean cheaters very often win in sports. But man is it evident. It's just so much worse when you use other peoples emotion to get your victories. One of the reasons I believe in God is because I think I would truly go insane if I had to live in a world and think it was without justice. My sister told me once that she believes Hell is having to relive the pain you caused others from there point of view. I hope she is right.

Anyway go read the post, especially if you are thinking of R, it gives you a good perspective of the kind of people who do this. I am sure in her mind this is a lovely post, there is obviously no shame (at least from mine). I wonder what her husband thinks of it. From her perspective it was the catalyst that lead to her happiness. All on his emotional back. There really are Vampires in this world, and too many of them.

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post #2 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 05:52 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I have been reading a lot of these blogs for a while now, not sure why. I think because for me as a person who hates injustice the injustice of it all really is an eye opener. It's kind of like a car crash type of thing. I have come to the conclusion the when you really look at it people who have affairs almost always get the best deal out of it.

My sister told me once that she believes Hell is having to relive the pain you caused others from there point of view. I hope she is right.

All on his emotional back. There really are Vampires in this world, and too many of them.
@sokillme I will not kill you. You are flame to injustice.

Those that swim the depths see the dark hues, the carnage at the surface.

Those that swim at the surface care not about the depth. They swim, eyes "left-right", back over their shoulder. Never up, the Sun blinds them. All their friends and finny school mates course with them. They fear the sharks, and wish they were that ilk.

Religion give its adherents hope. And hope gets you out of bed.

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post #3 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 05:59 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

As you say, not clear how well the husband is doing , other than "everything's great now". The way I feel now I think the scars will stay for life, so she is maybe a tad blasť and if he blogged it would be a different story.
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post #4 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 06:08 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

This is one reason why I am not generally pro-reconciliation.

The forgiven WS gets to have awesome, titillating dangerous sex with their AP. They get to live this second secret life of excitement, fun and romance unencumbered by marriage, kids and mortgages. And...even when they are caught, more often than not all they suffer is a period of embarrassment and shame followed by a couple of years of spats and arguments; but they come out four or five years later relatively unscathed.

The BS on the other hand gets the all the gifts that keep on giving: humiliation... degradation...STDs...mind movies...anguish...depression...anxiety...fear...s leeplessness...self-loathing...shame...paranoia...anger...rage...confu sion...insecurity...disillusionment............FOR YEARS AND YEARS....

Yeah. How equitable.
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post #5 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

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This is one reason why I am not generally pro-reconciliation.

The forgiven WS gets to have awesome, titillating dangerous sex with their AP. They get to live this second secret life of excitement, fun and romance unencumbered by marriage, kids and mortgages. And...even when they are caught, more often than not all they suffer is a period of embarrassment and shame followed by a couple of years of spats and arguments; but they come out four or five years later relatively unscathed.

The BS on the other hand gets the all the gifts that keep on giving: humiliation... degradation...STDs...mind movies...anguish...depression...anxiety...fear...s leeplessness...self-loathing...shame...paranoia...anger...rage...confu sion...insecurity...disillusionment............FOR YEARS AND YEARS....

Yeah. How equitable.
This is why I never have a big problem with the other spouse going out and having a revenge affair, at least in some way they are even.
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post #6 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 06:17 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

I am harder on waywards than most.

That said, all of them cannot be categorized the same. Some spend a lifetime trying to make it up to their BS's, several of whom have been or are still on this site. Many more are just simply lost. A few are plain evil.

Nobody wins in infidelity, least of all the cheater.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #7 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 06:19 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

@sokillme, I have noticed nearly all of the threads you have started have a similar feel. It has the appearance of pain shopping. Look it up. I hope you find healing, brother.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #8 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 06:24 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
This is one reason why I am not generally pro-reconciliation.

The forgiven WS gets to have awesome, titillating dangerous sex with their AP. They get to live this second secret life of excitement, fun and romance unencumbered by marriage, kids and mortgages. And...even when they are caught, more often than not all they suffer is a period of embarrassment and shame followed by a couple of years of spats and arguments; but they come out four or five years later relatively unscathed.

The BS on the other hand gets the all the gifts that keep on giving: humiliation... degradation...STDs...mind movies...anguish...depression...anxiety...fear...s leeplessness...self-loathing...shame...paranoia...anger...rage...confu sion...insecurity...disillusionment............FOR YEARS AND YEARS....

Yeah. How equitable.
Wish I could like this a 1000 times. If one has never been betrayed, count your blessings. What bandit mentioned above is so very accurate.
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post #9 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 06:39 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
This is one reason why I am not generally pro-reconciliation.

The forgiven WS gets to have awesome, titillating dangerous sex with their AP. They get to live this second secret life of excitement, fun and romance unencumbered by marriage, kids and mortgages. And...even when they are caught, more often than not all they suffer is a period of embarrassment and shame followed by a couple of years of spats and arguments; but they come out four or five years later relatively unscathed.

The BS on the other hand gets the all the gifts that keep on giving: humiliation... degradation...STDs...mind movies...anguish...depression...anxiety...fear...s leeplessness...self-loathing...shame...paranoia...anger...rage...confu sion...insecurity...disillusionment............FOR YEARS AND YEARS....

Yeah. How equitable.
The BS, if they hold it together, comes out with the knowledge they did the right thing. You also learn a lot about the nature of relationships.

The WS, if they have a conscience, lose part of themselves. They did what they did and they can never change it. They became, for a time, something they hate. For some WS, that doesn't matter a whole lot, but for others it does.

I don't think it's necessarily as one sided as you think it is.
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post #10 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 06:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
@sokillme, I have noticed nearly all of the threads you have started have a similar feel. It has the appearance of pain shopping. Look it up. I hope you find healing, brother.
I don't know if it is pain shopping or more indignancy, I am not in pain. Though I have been affected by cheating those pains are long gone so I am not healing.

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post #11 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 06:50 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

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Originally Posted by Florida_rosbif View Post
As you say, not clear how well the husband is doing , other than "everything's great now". The way I feel now I think the scars will stay for life, so she is maybe a tad blasť and if he blogged it would be a different story.
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post #12 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 07:45 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

Your right sokillme. My take away is a little different though. I don't view reconciliation as a gift per say to the WS. I look at it as simple gritting your teeth and saying if these conditions are meant and only if they are meant it is worth it. In short what could have been pure good has been diluted and mixed with toxic impurities but never the less some gold is there.

I believe the first thing a BS should do is see a lawyer, protect their finances, establish custody guidelines for themselves with no regard to the WS. Then confront and let the BS ask for, and prove the marriage still has worth. In short divorcing is the first choice. Anything else is asking to live in limbo.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #13 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 07:46 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

PS any chance of shooting me a PM with a link? I am banned, why I am not quite sure.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #14 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 07:48 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
This is why I never have a big problem with the other spouse going out and having a revenge affair, at least in some way they are even.

Quoted for truth!


"If more people were judgmental, then maybe there would be less infidelity"
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post #15 of 117 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 07:49 PM
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Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..

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PS any chance of shooting me a PM with a link? I am banned, why I am not quite sure.
Probably because you spoke the truth


"If more people were judgmental, then maybe there would be less infidelity"
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