Blindasabat

Hi I'm new. no disrespect for the Dead but Thanks A Lot Steve!!! for creating that stupid Iphone!!! I found out a few weeks back my wife of ten years cheated on me. I first discovered by cracking her FB account and was floored to find an EA/PA from last year to april this year. That day I decided to do nothing because we have a five year old daughter. The next day I dug some more and found another dude!!! also some flirtingpossible EA with a cousin that she visited in South America this year! I had seen a text from him that said I love you so much I questioned her at the time but she blew it off. so I have a lot of evidence of infidelity. I am going through so many emotions now I don't know what to do. Unfortunatly the marriage has been difficult she is from South America She went through a lot of culture shock here. I have tried to love her help her in everything I have fought for the marriage the last three years she has really changed made new friends started going out a lot and got an iphone around then and starting texting all the time we went from 200 texts a month plan to unlimited quickly and she blocks the phone never lets me see gets annoyed if I bug her about it. There were a lot of signs a lot of things I guess I didn't want to believe. So I was blind as a bat. We would argue she was spending too much time with the friends and staying over at slumber parties because she didn't get to do it as a kid and they were going to drink so not to drink and drive. I told her it was wrong for a wife to stay out all night blah blah. I though about getting gps tracking for her car. I was more and more suspicous. to much texting and going out but the clincher she started to say "I'm just going out with "amigas" I'm not doing anything wrong" --uh huh! I started looking up cheating habits and that is a classic line! I didn't think she was capable of cheating I helped get a visa for her Dad who lives with us now and helps with out daughter.
Everything I suspected and argued about I was right that phone
was the end of us she became more and more private and had a world in the phone and left me out. It's like she unofficially left the marriage in 2008 without telling me. Now ironically we are both going through the motions only she doesn't know I know.
I'm thorough the looking glass trying to act like everything is the same when my mind is exploding. I thought of six senarios
1) thought of three bad ideas (edited)
these are the three non starters and never really were in consideration the ones I'm left are
1) Divorce-- I've been down that road before this is my 2nd marriage I don't want a judge telling me I can only see my child half the time and have to support a Lying cheating B.... W....
2) Do nothing remain in limbo wait to figure it out somemore
3) Confront her and work out arrangement

So far I'm stuck in 2 which is hell but for my daughter. if not for her I'd divorce in a heartbeat. I did meet an attorney and he said file and do emergency restraining and kick her and her dad out which would be somewhat satisfying but we are struggling as it is I am about to start a 2nd job and I don't have any family here (texas) to help babysit
I'm worried she is a possible flight risk to south america but my daughter doesn't have a current passport and I put her on the alert program if a passport is filed.

I know she doesn't love me I've read it in enough fb messages between the OMen! arggh! and female friends that she would leave if the opportunity was there and how she wants nothing to do with me so I don't want to save the marriage I just want the best for my daughter the attorney said be the father of the year and I am trying to do that. Its hard but I'm trying to not think of other women or starting my own FB I'm being carefull to delete histories of my online doings. But I'm really jacked up
want to kick the OMen's butts and throw things around but I'm playing it cool for now.... thanks for reading any advice comments are welcome.

Jellybeans

Sorry to hear this happened to you.

The iPhone and FB didn't destroy your marriage -- your wife did.

Option 2 is bad. Do nothing = nothing changes. Shooting hre and the OM? I hope you're joking and will assume you are.
Divorce? If you want to...but first I'd confront her with what you know and go from there.

let her know you won't live in an open marriage.

Decide what you want first and go from there.

Blindasabat

No no wouldn't couldn't ever shoot anyone just a thought like a quick movie scene that you quickly cross off as a non starter. Just a mental release. but not a real possibility Ironically I don't hate her I should but I don't wish her pysical harm but I wouldn't mind kicking some butt on the guys not exactly Christian but we don't have to br doormats. but I don't want to make a mistake if I do divorce first and go for custody. Number 2 sucks but all three suck so I'm reading up trying to come up with the best thing. If I confront her I lose the possible advantage I have now.

Shaggy

The problem isn't the phone, the problem is your wife is a serial cheater. Take away the phone and she would still be cheating.

Does she work? If not then cut off the money.stop paying forthe phone and for her dates.

But the bottom line is you have married a sersl cheater, and it s doubtful she is going to stop. She has zero motivation to stop.

I think you need to get a lawyer and mske your wife's life very difficult. Only them might you get her attention, but it doesn't sound like it will work inher case. She hasn't guilt or respect for you or the marriage.
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Shaggy

One very good thing you can do, is find the other men's wives and girlfriends and expose their cheating. It will make your wife very unpopular with them.
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Blindasabat

Both of these EA/PA ended with her being heartbroken -more irony but yes serial cheater the only good quality she has is being a good mother to our daughter she does love her but is setting a lousy example for her.
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Shaggy

Why do so many people claim cheatng moms are still good mothers? A good mother would be protecting her kids family.mthey would be choosing to do what it took to see their home happy and safe. Instead they are choosing to go out and get their jollies with other men. It's selfish,it sets the example for how the kids shoud treat their relationships.

So, no, she isn't a good mom.
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Shooboomafoo

I currently pay my exwife child support so that I can see my kid more than "every other weekend and once during the week" that all dads get whether minister or convict.
So yeah, a cheating wife/mom has instant pull in a court here in TX, because evidently, cheating is not a sign of parenting skill.

So I had to take what I knew would influence my ex the most, and use that to barter more time with my child.

Its great to be a part time dad.

I spend my evenings sitting in an empty house now, after ten years of a house full of family.
When my daughter is with me, Im too broke to do anything really fun with her.

tonite I have to go see the witch just to see my kid in a school play. I'd rather never see the ex again, if you know what i mean..

BTW, yep, that fking Iphone was glued to her face nonstop, still is, and her life consists of work, and coming home sitting on the couch and texting away..

Currently watching her throw herself at guy #2 since our divorce...
pretty sad really.

__________________
His delay, is not a denial.

sadcalifornian

I know you care about your daughter, but if the marriage is in a bad shape, it will eventually affect your child down the line. You must find a way to fix the situation by seeking either R or D. If you want R, you must confront her and demand she own up to her doings. If she refuses, then you have to file for D, by which you are actually helping your daughter in the long run.

Cultural difference is huge. Also, your W just learning the new lifestyle here in the states leads her to act the way she is. We see this all the time. It's as though she is trying to compensate for what she never experienced growing up in her home town. No matter what niceties you provide for her, she will not recognize it as something to appreciate, and instead she will take it as something she is entitled to. My XWW was kinda like this. She grew up with a lot of resentment for not having things in early days, and once she has those after marrying me, she became this huge taker trying to compensate for all her past hurt and resentment at my expense.

Maybe in your situation, there is not much you can do to change that. She will have to learn and mature thru living the hard life after divorcing you, which is also what my XWW did. Now, she is in her 2nd M, acting more like a normal wife. Life isn't fair, I guess.

Blindasabat

Thanks shooboomafoo I went through that in my 1st divorce being too broke to do anything with the kids after giving money to the ex thats what I'm afraid of adding insult to injury in court. There isn't any sites that show how many times dad's come out ahead in texas or who is the best dad's attorney. i say she is a good mom only becuase she loves my daughter and my daughter ofcourse loves her but otherwise you are right she isn't a good mom at all. But the upside is while she is often out I get time more with my daughter. So for now I'm in emotional hell but I'm full time Dad. But I marvel how she can cheat and not be full of guilt. I never cheated on anyone in my life don't understand it. She should have ended the marriage officially instead of this. I cringe now at times she acts nice and I think why have you done this evil thing to us? To our daughter?
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Lovebug501

Blind:

There's no stats on how often dads come out "ahead" and who the best dad lawyer is because it all depends on the Judge.

Don't hide the kid from her... that would be very bad. But don't get a second job to continue to bankroll her and her dad.

Find a lawyer... I'm in Texas and work for a law firm - so if you want to PM me what county you are in, I might be able to help with a referral to a good family law lawyer.

I can tell you that, generally, Judges in Texas don't give a rat's *** that she has sex with someone else, unless she did it in the presence of the child (but you can request that she not have persons of the opposite sex in her residence while the child is present).

They, however, do not look kindly upon people wanting to abscond with the children to another country... so that could be something in your favor... if you can get a geographical restriction to your county on the child's residence (which is pretty standard), she may just give the daughter to you and pack up and move back to S. Amer. I see it happen all the time.

bryanp

Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD? You both need to be tested. She is playing you for a total fool. If the roles were reversed would she be sitting around afraid to say anything? She clearly has no respect for whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

Blindasabat

which totally sucks! cheating should be illegal with automatic fines and jail time. I wish it did count
I wish but highly doubt it.

Blindasabat

No I won't as far as sex it had been so infrequent the last few years she hasn't noticed. I thought she had lost her interest in it
because I allways had to initiate it WRONG! I accused her on not knowing the difference between making love and sex WRONG again. She wrote some guy how she longed to make love while with me it was just sex. I did fall one time since discovery I know I know what was he thinking!! I was very vunerable and slipped but that will be it I'm done I'm going to get checked out.

warlock07

Are the affairs still on?