I am now four years out from D-Day of my husband's EA. According to him it was just an EA, and that's all I have evidence of, but who knows. We "reconciled" -- or he rugswept and I didn't push it. We have a young son, which is the primary reason I didn't want to divorce.
I have mentioned this in some of my past posts -- my husband has a history of being verbally abusive toward me. It happens when he gets angry about something, not like every day put downs or anything, but when it does occur he can be downright vicious. His episodes occurred much more frequently when our son was a baby and a toddler. He often perceived that I was not vigilant enough or not caring for the child correctly, which set him off. Now that our son is a bit older, it happens less. But it still does occur, for example if we travel or go on a vacation he's in prime mode to attack me verbally over anything.
I think during those difficult years with his more frequent outbursts, I started to emotionally detach from him. This may have led to his EA.
Even though I have been resentful over the rugsweeping of the EA, part of me has felt that it's still worth it to stay in the marriage because of my son, who knows nothing about that infidelity. When it comes to the verbal abuse, however, my son is aware because he sees it. My son would still be devastated if I broke up the family over this, but perhaps more understanding in the long run. I don't want to bring up the infidelity to him.
I guess I am posting to see if others out there have experience with this link between infidelity and abusive personalities. Infidelity is certainly a form of abuse itself. Do others have experience with the WS also being abusive in other ways?
Thank you for reading.
I have mentioned this in some of my past posts -- my husband has a history of being verbally abusive toward me. It happens when he gets angry about something, not like every day put downs or anything, but when it does occur he can be downright vicious. His episodes occurred much more frequently when our son was a baby and a toddler. He often perceived that I was not vigilant enough or not caring for the child correctly, which set him off. Now that our son is a bit older, it happens less. But it still does occur, for example if we travel or go on a vacation he's in prime mode to attack me verbally over anything.
I think during those difficult years with his more frequent outbursts, I started to emotionally detach from him. This may have led to his EA.
Even though I have been resentful over the rugsweeping of the EA, part of me has felt that it's still worth it to stay in the marriage because of my son, who knows nothing about that infidelity. When it comes to the verbal abuse, however, my son is aware because he sees it. My son would still be devastated if I broke up the family over this, but perhaps more understanding in the long run. I don't want to bring up the infidelity to him.
I guess I am posting to see if others out there have experience with this link between infidelity and abusive personalities. Infidelity is certainly a form of abuse itself. Do others have experience with the WS also being abusive in other ways?
Thank you for reading.