Having serious problems coping......please help.

sunshine93 · 12-03-2011, 08:35 PM

I posted my original story back in Sept. It's interesting how I questioned my intuition. I really did have everything spot on. I remember reading a statement on here back in Sept. It was something to the effect of "if you think something is going on it probably is". Well, that was very true. I really had zero evidence, I only felt lonely, like his heart wasn't with me. It's crazy how something so simple was so telling. Going through something like this has taught me never to question my intuition.
Against my better judgment we are trying to work through it. I really do not think I will ever trust him again but I'm willing to try. His Job requires him to travel a lot which in turn would require me to trust him. We're both going to marriage counseling and individual counseling as well. I need help right now overcoming the enormous amount of lies that he told and how he could look at our 6yr old son and lie to him saying "daddy has to go to work on a Sat?" when he actually was going to see her. How could a father do this? This type of thing went on for 3 months! Thanks for reading this. Any advice would be appreciated. Here's my story, I updated it at the bottom of the OT. Thanks! April

one Hi, I'm new here; looking for somewho understands spymember

Pit-of-my-stomach · 12-03-2011, 08:49 PM

What are you looking for advice with specifically
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chapparal · 12-03-2011, 09:15 PM

So you are trying to verify if he is still lying to you?

sunshine93 · 12-03-2011, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach

What are you looking for advice with specifically
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Hi, thanks for your response, I'm wondering how one gets past the horrible lies and moves past it in order the make your marriage work. Honestly, as of right now ( 12 days post D-day) the mind movies are still playing 24-7 and I can't seem to quit thinking about how calculated and juvenile the schemes were just to get to see her. It reminds me of when I was 16 and lying to my mom! I mean, my God, this man is almost 40 yrs old! I just can't get past it! He's been busting his ass to make things right since D-day but that means nothing to me considering this damn affair went on for 3 months! Uggghhhhhhhh! How confusing! Thanks for your help and time. April

chapparal · 12-03-2011, 09:27 PM

The best advice I've seen on here isto go to an MD and get some Meds. Also individual counseling.

What is your husband doing to help you through this? Do you think he has just taken the affair further underground?

sunshine93 · 12-03-2011, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

So you are trying to verify if he is still lying to you?

Actually I plan on putting the voice recorder back in his car this week. He claims he ended it; no contact at all but I mean, really.....I'm I going to believe that this early?

I told him as one of the stipulations for him to get to stay is that they cannot work together anymore! He said " well that could take a while, I would have to put in for a transfer to the pentagon and that will take some time." So let me get this straight.......I'm suppose to sit around all day while you go work with this tramp!" I could actually turn his ass and her's into their commander! How's that for speeding things along! Mr. Major screwing around with an enlisted! I actually called the chaplain today to ask for advice. I want them to get in trouble but I don't want my husband to lose his job; we have a 6yr old together. I'm calling Jag on Monday to ask what could happen to them both. One great thing I have on my side.....their commander is a newlywed female! Thanks for your help! April

Pit-of-my-stomach · 12-03-2011, 09:33 PM

I'm afraid here is no shortcut. It's a process, a very long process.

I recall reading your thread I was going to tell you that your marriage was on DEFCON1.

It sounds like you elected to let him off the hook and didn't expose ?
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sunshine93 · 12-03-2011, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

The best advice I've seen on here isto go to an MD and get some Meds. Also individual counseling.

What is your husband doing to help you through this? Do you think he has just taken the affair further underground?

Thank you, I actually called my Dr on day 10 post D-day and told him I had lost nearly 15 lbs and could not quit crying. I have a 6yr old that depends on me so I have to get it together. He called me in some xanax . I've never taken meds before so this is very strange for me.

I feel like this thing has defeated me.

I'm not sure if he has taken it underground or not. Nothing would surprise me at this point though! I'll find out; believe me. Thanks again for your help. What a great place to not feel alone.

April

sunshine93 · 12-03-2011, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach

I'm afraid here is no shortcut. It's a process, a very long process.

I recall reading your thread I was going to tell you that your marriage was on DEFCON1.

It sounds like you elected to let him off the hook and didn't expose ?
Posted via Mobile Device

What do you mean? April

Pit-of-my-stomach · 12-03-2011, 09:50 PM

You were military if I recall? I guessed youd know what I meant by defcon1... Or where u asking what I meant by exposure?
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sunshine93 · 12-03-2011, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach

You were military if I recall? I guessed youd know what I meant by defcon1... Or where u asking what I meant by exposure?
Posted via Mobile Device

Yes, I'm asking what both mean. Thanks. April

Pit-of-my-stomach · 12-03-2011, 10:01 PM

Google the defcon thing... It's short for defense condition... It's the war status alert.. What state of alert for the military. defCon1 has never happened... It's essentially "nuclear war imminent"

Exposure... you don't know what that is? How much/many thread have you read with other people's stories?

I can tell you what it is, why you do it, etc... But I will need to switch to my PC I can't type fast enough on this thing.

Maybe it's written out in someone else's thread.. Maybe the welcome noobie thread that almost recovered wrote...

does anyone know where there is a simple primer about exposure in another thread so she can familiarize herself with it?

That would help tremendously, then I can tell you more and talk through some of this with you if our interested
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sunshine93 · 12-03-2011, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach

Google the defcon thing... It's short for defense condition... It's the war status alert.. What state of alert for the military. defCon1 has never happened... It's essentially "nuclear war imminent"

Exposure... you don't know what that is? How much/many thread have you read with other people's stories?

I can tell you what it is, why you do it, etc... But I will need to switch to my PC I can't type fast enough on this thing.

Maybe it's written out in someone else's thread.. Maybe the welcome noobie thread that almost recovered wrote...

does anyone know where there is a simple primer about exposure in another thread so she can familiarize herself with it?

That would help tremendously, then I can tell you more and talk through some of this with you if our interested
Posted via Mobile Device

Thanks, i'll look all of that up. As far as exposure, I did expose him. I confronted him with the evidence I had ( I didn't tell him how) and he confessed to it. Thanks, April

Pit-of-my-stomach · 12-03-2011, 10:21 PM

No, that's not exposure. Check ur PMs
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MrK · 12-03-2011, 10:49 PM

The xanax will help but it's not a miracle drug. Short term you will notice it takes the edge off so it's good. But the cause is so bad that it starts to take over again. They may want to up your dosage because of that. Problem is, the side effects are worse with higher dosages. You may just want to keep them light, just to keep the edge off.

Good luck.