Hello,
I am brand new to this forum. While I am familiar with forums in general (I admin one), I am very apprehensive about discussing my wife's infidelity issues in public. I don't want to come off as an idiot, and I really feel like one now after discovering what she did.
Anyway, here goes, I'm going to give it a shot as I really need some advice right now. I apologize in advance for rambling and for the length of this post. I'm just not thinking too clearly right now
I feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean grasping for rocks. I have a severe back condition which keeps me in constant pain. However, that pain is Nothing compared to what I'm feeling now due to her cheating and continued lying. I have NEVER felt pain like this before.
So, here's the full story. I am 58 & my wife is 57. We have been married (happily, or so I thought) for 37 years. I must be honest and tell you that due to her going through menopause, and my back condition, we've not been intimate (except for 2 times) in the last 12 years. Previous to that, we were...how do I put this...pretty wild in our sex life.
In the early mourning of November 18th I was updating my wife's laptop with some security stuff while she was sleeping. She usually has her email account closed down when she goes to bed but for some reason, this time she had her Hotmail open. I just glanced for a moment at her inbox and was shocked at some of the subject headings I saw. I then began to open some of the emails & it was like an atom bomb went off in my head & chest. I immediately began to get a severe panic attack as I read the extremely graphic verbal give & take of the messages. In addition there were also very graphic photos and some videos. I guess I was gasping and probably crying so loud my wife woke up. She saw the look on my face and asked what was the matter. Like an idiot, I returned the laptop to her and went upstairs to try and compose myself. Again, I was suffering from a major panic attack which I thought might have been a heart attack at the time. After about 15 mins., I went back downstairs to confront her about what I had found. I saw the look on her face and immediately knew that she knew she had been exposed. I can't remember the whole conversation, but I guess I asked the usual questions, like "are you in love with him", "how long has it been going on", "Are You planning on leaving me for him" etc..etc.. The answers back as I remember were "No I don't love him", "Not that long", "no she wasn't planning on leaving" etc.. At that point the pain from the panic attack became so severe, I told her I couldn't handle it and that I had to get out to collect my thoughts.
I drove around for about an hour, getting more mad, hurt & upset as I went. I really can't even begin to explain the gamete of emotions going through me. After an hour of driving, I decided to go back home and pack a bag to leave. I just couldn't be in that house right then as even though I'm not a violent man, I didn't really know what I was capable of doing. Long story short, I drove about 100 miles out of town to a motel. Oh, yeah, I forgot, we were doing some texting via phone during my drive. I was telling her I couldn't be there right then and I didn't know how long I'd be gone. She was telling me how sorry she was and how she wished that it had never happened etc.. etc..
I stayed in the hotel for three days. It was the most miserable three days of my life. We were still texting and also doing some PM's on our forum site. On November 21st, I decided I was going to move to another location. She had text me in the mourning asking how I was. The conversation seemed to be a lot calmer & I thought to myself that maybe I could go home for a little while and we could talk things over. Again, long story short, I went home & we came to a somewhat understanding that we still loved each other and maybe we could work it out.
This is getting way too long so I'm going try to cut to the chase.
While I was still very hurt, we did come to an understanding and were actually talking things out. A BIG part of the understanding was that the affair was completely over. Also, that it was mostly cyber sex and they had only met one time. Again to try and shorten things up, I have since discovered via tracking software I placed on her computer that she has lied to me all through this supposed reconciliation. I now know that the affair lasted for almost three years, their were numerous meetings and that she was still contacting him. It has just been a series of lies and deception on a daily basis. Every time I think I finally know the whole story, something else comes up. She says it's an obsession and she can't control it. Also that she still loves me and does not want to end our marriage. I'm so confused, I just don't know where to turn, or what to do or say anymore.
Here's the real crux of the situation. While there is much more deceit and lying to this story, I still REALLY REALLY love my wife!!! I know that may sound weird at this point but it's the truth and I can't seem to let go. I would like to find a way to fight for her and resolve things. She has agreed to counseling but I have absolutely no faith and/or trust in what she says anymore.
Please, please could someone with experience in this weigh in and offer some advice as to what I should do!? Should I just give up and leave her. Should I stay and fight for her. Should I just ask for a temporary separation? I just don't know. All I do know is that I still love her & I'm not sure I could survive without her. I do believe her relationship with this guy is sexual only. She has a term for it that I can't put here but it goes "bad word_Buddies!???? I really need help. Any comments and/or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
John
I am brand new to this forum. While I am familiar with forums in general (I admin one), I am very apprehensive about discussing my wife's infidelity issues in public. I don't want to come off as an idiot, and I really feel like one now after discovering what she did.
Anyway, here goes, I'm going to give it a shot as I really need some advice right now. I apologize in advance for rambling and for the length of this post. I'm just not thinking too clearly right now
I feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean grasping for rocks. I have a severe back condition which keeps me in constant pain. However, that pain is Nothing compared to what I'm feeling now due to her cheating and continued lying. I have NEVER felt pain like this before.
So, here's the full story. I am 58 & my wife is 57. We have been married (happily, or so I thought) for 37 years. I must be honest and tell you that due to her going through menopause, and my back condition, we've not been intimate (except for 2 times) in the last 12 years. Previous to that, we were...how do I put this...pretty wild in our sex life.
In the early mourning of November 18th I was updating my wife's laptop with some security stuff while she was sleeping. She usually has her email account closed down when she goes to bed but for some reason, this time she had her Hotmail open. I just glanced for a moment at her inbox and was shocked at some of the subject headings I saw. I then began to open some of the emails & it was like an atom bomb went off in my head & chest. I immediately began to get a severe panic attack as I read the extremely graphic verbal give & take of the messages. In addition there were also very graphic photos and some videos. I guess I was gasping and probably crying so loud my wife woke up. She saw the look on my face and asked what was the matter. Like an idiot, I returned the laptop to her and went upstairs to try and compose myself. Again, I was suffering from a major panic attack which I thought might have been a heart attack at the time. After about 15 mins., I went back downstairs to confront her about what I had found. I saw the look on her face and immediately knew that she knew she had been exposed. I can't remember the whole conversation, but I guess I asked the usual questions, like "are you in love with him", "how long has it been going on", "Are You planning on leaving me for him" etc..etc.. The answers back as I remember were "No I don't love him", "Not that long", "no she wasn't planning on leaving" etc.. At that point the pain from the panic attack became so severe, I told her I couldn't handle it and that I had to get out to collect my thoughts.
I drove around for about an hour, getting more mad, hurt & upset as I went. I really can't even begin to explain the gamete of emotions going through me. After an hour of driving, I decided to go back home and pack a bag to leave. I just couldn't be in that house right then as even though I'm not a violent man, I didn't really know what I was capable of doing. Long story short, I drove about 100 miles out of town to a motel. Oh, yeah, I forgot, we were doing some texting via phone during my drive. I was telling her I couldn't be there right then and I didn't know how long I'd be gone. She was telling me how sorry she was and how she wished that it had never happened etc.. etc..
I stayed in the hotel for three days. It was the most miserable three days of my life. We were still texting and also doing some PM's on our forum site. On November 21st, I decided I was going to move to another location. She had text me in the mourning asking how I was. The conversation seemed to be a lot calmer & I thought to myself that maybe I could go home for a little while and we could talk things over. Again, long story short, I went home & we came to a somewhat understanding that we still loved each other and maybe we could work it out.
This is getting way too long so I'm going try to cut to the chase.
While I was still very hurt, we did come to an understanding and were actually talking things out. A BIG part of the understanding was that the affair was completely over. Also, that it was mostly cyber sex and they had only met one time. Again to try and shorten things up, I have since discovered via tracking software I placed on her computer that she has lied to me all through this supposed reconciliation. I now know that the affair lasted for almost three years, their were numerous meetings and that she was still contacting him. It has just been a series of lies and deception on a daily basis. Every time I think I finally know the whole story, something else comes up. She says it's an obsession and she can't control it. Also that she still loves me and does not want to end our marriage. I'm so confused, I just don't know where to turn, or what to do or say anymore.
Here's the real crux of the situation. While there is much more deceit and lying to this story, I still REALLY REALLY love my wife!!! I know that may sound weird at this point but it's the truth and I can't seem to let go. I would like to find a way to fight for her and resolve things. She has agreed to counseling but I have absolutely no faith and/or trust in what she says anymore.
Please, please could someone with experience in this weigh in and offer some advice as to what I should do!? Should I just give up and leave her. Should I stay and fight for her. Should I just ask for a temporary separation? I just don't know. All I do know is that I still love her & I'm not sure I could survive without her. I do believe her relationship with this guy is sexual only. She has a term for it that I can't put here but it goes "bad word_Buddies!???? I really need help. Any comments and/or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
John