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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-22-2011, 11:19 AM   #166 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

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I agree that she should be home if only (for the time being) so I can monitor her more closely. Also, so I can break the influence her friend has on her. This btw, will be just one condition of her coming back home. NC with her friend if she's serious about any chance of R.

2. All of the poly sites I visited state evidence that a poly is almost impossible to beat. They say they are 95% accurate. Of course if this was my line of business, I would say whatever to protect it's integrity too. However, my cop friend swears he has never seen anyone beat a poly whether it be with drugs or whatever. WW is a professional liar, but even I don't think she's good enough to do this. I also think that if they could be beat that easily using some scheme on the Internet, drugs or whatever, there would be a lot more stuff out there about it in the traditional media and online. I just don't see any evidence of that being the case.
well duh, of course a place that wants to sell polygraph testing will have their own stats

the failure rate is closer to 15%

The Straight Dope: How accurate are lie-detector tests?


also, some people if they train themselves properly and practice can pass a lie detector, it's all about the control questions
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:24 AM   #167 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

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Why is it taking so long to bring her home? Get her bak home tomorrow night.

Remember to drop vars in rooms around the house to pick up calls she makes during the day.

Oh, if she says she has plans or ommitments and has to be places, call her on it.either she really is fully making you her priority or she isn't and you can move on,
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You're right! I've got my conditions completed and contacted her by phone. She should be back home tonight. I have vars in the family room where she talks on her phone and uses her computer. Also in the kitchen and "Her" dressing room.

Let's see how she reacts now. I will not ask for and act like I need and/or want anything, e.g., will not make any first moves.

I have to honest guys, I'm sh!tting my pants a little here in anticipation. However, I now I can be strong and handle it.

Additional updates to come soon.
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:27 AM   #168 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

good to hear you dont have herpes
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Old 12-22-2011, 09:29 PM   #169 (permalink)
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good to hear you dont have herpes
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Old 12-22-2011, 10:20 PM   #170 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

John,

Don't play games. None at all. Tell her what you want need and expect. Wen she doesn't deliver tell her she isn't delivering.

Honestly she keeps surprising me with how much she is finally doing right here, BUT the next step is to see if her words match her actions.

Make sure you leave the house to give her time to talk on the phone etc.
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Old 12-23-2011, 01:51 PM   #171 (permalink)
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John,

Don't play games. None at all. Tell her what you want need and expect. Wen she doesn't deliver tell her she isn't delivering.

Honestly she keeps surprising me with how much she is finally doing right here, BUT the next step is to see if her words match her actions.

Make sure you leave the house to give her time to talk on the phone etc.
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Shag, believe me I'm not playing games. I've been totally straight forward with her and not holding back. I've also been leaving the house to do Xmas shopping, so I'll be checking the vars and keeping track of her phone and computer. I realize that She's the one who'll have to make the moves to convince me, AND TRUST ME, it's gonna take a hell of a lot of doing on her part. NO MORE BULLSH!T! I'm not going to be nasty, but I'm also not going to just believe her sh!t anymore either. I've told her this in no uncertain terms.

BTW, we have an MC session set up for 1/6. I am still seeing my IC every other day.

Sorry for the delay in posting. I haven't done anything for Xmas and I'm trying to do it all now. Not sure when I'll be back but I'll try and keep you all updated on any new stuff.

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!!!!
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Old 12-23-2011, 04:27 PM   #172 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

Buy her that extra wild lingere you've always wanted her to wear She will need new stuff after throwing out her current stuff and you might as well start off the new marriage sex the way you want it to be.
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:09 PM   #173 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

Any updates?
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Old 12-28-2011, 01:42 AM   #174 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

Hey Guys!

Hope you all had a great Christmas.

Sorry for not updating in awhile, it's been a wild few days to say the least. WW and I have been doing the horizontal mambo every day, sometimes 3 or 4 times. I realize that it's HB but it sure has been fun! Don't want this to turn into tmi, but I've been rolling out some new stuff every other time we do it. My back and hip have been fine and WW has been totally receptive to all of it and I know she's enjoying it due to all the BIG O's she's having.

BTW, there's been no talk of "we're OK now", "we're now in R", "no I love you's" (from me anyway), or any other I'm caving crap from me, i.e., I'm keeping a level head. One of the coolest parts of all this is that we've been talking for hours after, and the talks have really been interesting and enlightening. I'm finding out stuff about WW that I never knew before, I mean all the way back to her childhood. I think it'll be of great use in IC and MC. WW also always ends our sessions with an "I'm sorry for what I did and I'm so grateful for the chance to prove to you that I want only you". She's also been remorseful as hell during our talks. I realize that this HB will probably not last, but right now I don't care. I'm just enjoying the ride (pardon the bad pun), especially because of the 10 year drought.

I still don't know how this is going to end up but my stress level is WAY down with all the sex, AND the fact that I really feel in control now. I'm still being vigilant in monitoring WW's computer and phone and there's been nothing to report there or from the 3 vars I have set up. I had a thought that the OM might try and do some fishing during Christmas but it didn't happen. Also, WW has agreed that her girlfriend was a negative factor and agreed to sever the relationship. Her GF was kind of pissed because she did offer WW a safe haven when she left. Oh well, too bad, that's GF's problem not mine.

Well that's it for now. Gonna go get some sleep, which BTW has been another extra bonus to all this.
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Old 12-28-2011, 01:45 AM   #175 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

Oops, one more thing. I was thinking of asking a mod to move this thread back to it's original location. There's no need to keep it private anymore as everything is out in the open.

Do you think they might do it, or would I come off as a "pita" to them if I ask?
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:42 PM   #176 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

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Sorry for not updating in awhile, it's been a wild few days to say the least. WW and I have been doing the horizontal mambo every day, sometimes 3 or 4 times. I realize that it's HB but it sure has been fun! Don't want this to turn into tmi, but I've been rolling out some new stuff every other time we do it. My back and hip have been fine and WW has been totally receptive to all of it and I know she's enjoying it due to all the BIG O's she's having.

Well, at least you know you and her are functional...
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Old 12-29-2011, 10:37 AM   #177 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

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Oops, one more thing. I was thinking of asking a mod to move this thread back to it's original location. There's no need to keep it private anymore as everything is out in the open.

Do you think they might do it, or would I come off as a "pita" to them if I ask?
You should get a lot more looks in CWI.
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Old 12-29-2011, 10:53 AM   #178 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

Its pleasing to read some good news. take each days as it comes, you will have good days, then some ups and downs. With time your marriage should improve if both of you work on it.


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Also, WW has agreed that her girlfriend was a negative factor and agreed to sever the relationship. Her GF was kind of pissed because she did offer WW a safe haven when she left. Oh well, too bad, that's GF's problem not mine.
Tough
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Old 12-29-2011, 12:49 PM   #179 (permalink)
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Well, at least you know you and her are functional...
Thanks aug. Yeah it's nice to know that the old flag pole still works
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Old 12-29-2011, 01:01 PM   #180 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help

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Its pleasing to read some good news. take each days as it comes, you will have good days, then some ups and downs. With time your marriage should improve if both of you work on it.
Thanks Eli, The sex is great don't get me wrong, but what's really amazing is that after we do it, we talk for hours and she opens up completely. She's never really gone this deep inside herself before. I mean I'm finding out sh!t that goes way back to her childhood that is really blowing my mind. Some of it's good and some really bad, but all that we can really use in IC & MC.

BTW, is this normal. I mean does a WW usually open up this much this early. I'm thinking it has something to do with the intimacy she's feeling during and after sex. Could this be it?
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