Re: I Really Want To Save My Marriage, Can't Seem to Get Past Her Lying - Please Help
Back from Therapist Session.....
Had another great session with my T. This guy is amazing. And yeah Shag, I know I'm vulnerable right now and I may be transferring a little because he's a shoulder to lean on, but I just can't help it. The guy resonates with me and what he says comes off to me as intelligent, straight forward and truthful.
Anyway, we did some CB stuff for half the session and then I brought up again what's been happening with WW yesterday & today. I told him that I was thinking of making her sweat a little and oh boy, his eyes rolled up. He asked why I thought that was such a good idea. I told him because it would make me look less desperate, her want it even more, and that she also deserved it....More rolling eyes, and he says, are we school boys now? If you want to just punish her, than file for D now. But if you really want to gauge her reactions to what she's telling you, why give her more time to rehearse what she's going say? Make her do it now, or as soon as you can, so it's as spontaneous and unrehearsed as possible. Isn't THAT our goal here? I see no value at all in making her wait, in fact, I think it will devalue your objective.
I thought for awhile, and then told him that it was hard to come up with a good argument for what he had said but I was still worried that I may look desperate if I set the meet up too soon. He replied back that you ARE desperate, but not for the meeting. Your desperate to find out the truth about whether or not she's on the level. So again, why wait, lets do it as soon as we can.
He then asked me what I thought the earliest day was I could set the meeting up for. I told him probably as soon as tomorrow night. He asked how I would contact her and I said most likely by email. Then he looks at me and says, so... why don't you email her and try to set it up for tomorrow? I said what now? He said yes. You've got your smart phone, or you can use my laptop. I hesitated and he said look, we've agreed that there's no value in waiting right? I said yeah... and pulled out my phone.
Bottom line is that I emailed WW and told her that I wanted to meet tomorrow at 6pm. It took her all of 2 minutes to reply back & accept. So I'm sorry guys but that's the plan of action. I have to be honest and tell you that the argument my T made was a sound one to me. Why play games at this point when all I want to do is look her in the eyes while she talks, and gauge her reactions. I don't have to commit to anything tomorrow and I won't! What I will have is a better idea of whether she's bullsh!tting me again, or really trying to do the right thing.
Anyway, it's game on now. I'm in the process of finishing up my list of questions & conditions. I'm positive I'll be ready for tomorrow. I'm gonna hop off now cause I have a feeling I'm going to get blasted from some of you for this. Go ahead and let me have it. Just know that in my mind, I'm positive I did the correct thing.