JustWaiting

My wife has several long term close friends. Two years post D-Day, my wife has fessed up to something I always knew which is that one of those friends has never been supportive of our marriage. She also informed me of something I never knew, which is that the toxic single friend had been carrying on an affair with a married man for 25 years and just broke it off. I'm sure my wife was supportive of her friend for all those years. This is not just a man or woman question. A man may be enabling his buddy to cheat, etc. I believe that if you open the door to evil it will come in.

So, I'm curious........how have you dealt with toxic friends (who may even be related)?
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JustWaiting

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the guy

What I have learned about my W past toxic friends, is there is not a damn thing you can do about who your W chooses for friends.

The compition is to tough so it all boils down to what your W wants. The marriage or the friendship. See you can't control your W but you can control how you want a marriage.

To avaoid being labeled controling I gave my WW the choice to stay married to me or be with her so called friends. The thing is she wanted both, and I don't. I wanted to be her first choice as a friend, her best friend and not just her lover and provider. Hell I can always find a women that *wants* to meet my needs.

Again she can do what she wants but I will be with a women that wants to be with me 1st. Why wait around in a marriage? Waiting for it to deteriorate while a TF drains the healthy dynamics of a relationship between you and your spouse.

I would rather cut my loses sooner then later. Letting my wife go to live an unhealthy life style that would for sure make her self destruct would be tough but sticking around and witnessing this self distruction would be worse only to let her go later then sooner.

Bottom line, its her choice, just like its your choice to stick around and tolorate it, or find someone that will bring out the best in you.

HerToo

I agree that it's her choice to tolerate it or not.

It's not your problem to fix.

Pit-of-my-stomach

stress does funny things to you. i think ive lost my mind. I coulda sworn I had responded to this post, several times. lol.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

We got rid of ours. They understand why.
Friends of ours together or individually who do not support our marriage do not support us as individuals either. They have no place in our lives. So, my H has cut off contact with people who were toxic to our marriage. I dumped someone because she was toxic to her own! She did not cheat but she pushed the limits. What she did to her husband she should have known better under the circumstances. I told her so and told her why I was dumping her. She'd also stood me up a couple times with excuses about her own fragility or whatever. I didn't think she really believed that about herself, but saw no point in reinforcing it. Haven't heard from her since! Haven't missed her either. My H says he does not miss his 'friends' either. He has other friends who spend time having fun who are married or not but don't spend their time picking apart someone else's marriage just for sport or control issues or envy or whatever.

Darkhorse

I simply stop talking to them. They know they are turds. Sometimes, if they persist and ask why I'm not returning phone calls, I'll tell them I don't agree with how they live so I want no part of it.

Birds of a feather and all that...