Now you are in a state of mind that occurs when a couple is actually in reconcilation, no spouse is in N/C and some progess is being made when the BS wakes up and realizes I can have a life without her, I can have a life with my children when I divorce so what the **** am I doing here. It is refered to as the lethal plain of something.
Again has you wife even begun to realize the issue on the front burnner is her adultery? Again do not allow Plan A and Plan B to entire your life. It does have one element that is true - expouse even to children as young as age four. Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon - Marriage Builders® Forums
I think you see the wisdom of what this poster wrote:
For an affair to survive, it needs to have a marriage and it needs to have a supportive BS. *95% of affairs are based on the thrill and fun of exciting forbidden sex while their other needs and creature comforts are being provided by the marriage and by the BS.
Think of it like a flea on a dog. if the dog dies, the flea dies. The flea needs the dog to survive.
An affair is a parasite that saps the life blood of the marriage, but it needs the marriage to survive and it especially needs the BS to continue to provide the stable lifestyle, home, financial resources, payments of bills etc etc.
If the BS bolts and the marriage dissolves and the stability and support and lifestyle that the marriage provides is gone, Then the WS and the AP are stuck with each other.
The catch here is that 95% of the time, the BS and the AP are only in it for the kibbles and for the fun and excitement. They don't actually want to be together fulltime and it is very very rare that the other person is even the type of person that they want to date or marry or be with.
When the BS and the marriage goes, then nothing is fun and exciting anymore, life becomes work. The sex loses it's luster and the kibbles are gone.
In a few very very rare instances, the WS and the AP actually do fall in love, are compatible and do want to be together. In those rare instances, the marriage is toast and the WS is going to leave anyway so the BS might as well get an early running start on the rest of their life and start moving forward without the WS anyway.
The part that you aren't getting is you are actually supporting and nourishing this affair. You are providing her her safety net and lifestyle and her stability and security. Without it, she can't have fun and enjoy her motel romps with her OM.
And you are actually the OM's best friend and wingman here because without you, he would have to wine and dine her and suck up to her friends and family and help her take care of her house and help pay her bills, change the oil in her car and rub her feet. But as it stands right now, he has you to take care of all of that stuff and all he has to provide her is fun and orgasms. He has it made and he is doing it on your dime.
There is a 95% chance that if you toss her out and cut off all support and communication with her (other than legal stuff through your attorneys) he will go radio silent on her in a matter of days or weeks.
And also while she is out hiring lawyers and packing her stuff and looking for apartments and dealing with all the legal stuff, the last thing she is going to care about is meeting him at the park to give him a hummer.
Stop supporting her and stop trying to reconcile with her. Toss her out and let her fend for herself for awhile and the A will quickly die.
Once the $h!^ hits the fan with the A and the A ends in a painful death and she is alone again and finally grasping the damage that she has caused, then you can reassess and decide if you want to try to build your relationship with her from scratch again.
Either way, the relationship and marriage you had with her is forever gone and will never be the same. There is a slim chance you may be able to build a new relationship if you so choose, the innocence and purity of your prior R is forever gone.
To kill the parasite, you have to get rid of the host and that host is you supporting your wife and providing her a comfortable lifestyle to the point where she is able to grab stolen moments of fun and excitement with the OM.