Wife still cheating. I just filed for D - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 1394Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #136 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 04:08 PM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,429
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by moth-into-flame View Post
And he has Chlamydia.
Chlamydia! Your dad's here to pick you up!

bandit.45 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #137 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 04:13 PM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,429
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
Thanks everyone for the advice. I love reading these comments.

I came up with another theory on why it's called cheating too. The AP is cheating because they don't have to take care of the wayward or spend money or babysit or any of the boring stuff, since the wayward has a spouse for that. So they are cheating by getting the affection without the work.

I had to go pay the lawyer some more money today and sign some stuff. WW still doesn't have a lawyer and doesn't seem to be able to afford one. I've already spent $2300 on a lawyer.

Since I blocked her on my phone she hasn't bothered me much today. I heard talking to the kids and she seemed to be happy and in a good mood. But nothing has really started with the divorce yet, except me leaving and splitting time with the kids and not being there to do my service as a maid and cook. She hasn't been affected financially yet. That's coming soon though.

She should be happy this week though since I have the kids. She hates taking care of the kids and cleaning up after them and other motherly tasks...except the fun parts.
Cheaters live in a dreamworld, where golden unicorns fart rainbows and there are no mortgages and sick kids and stinky husbands and bills and broken sink drains and all the problems that go along with marriage and a home. The affair partner represents freedom and lack of responsibility.

Sometimes OP, people cheat because they just get bored. Some people, like your wife, are always looking for ways to escape. They could have the best marriage and greatest home-life in the world, but if they take it for granted, then they start to drift. I think that is what happened to your wife.

One day she is going to wake up from the fantasy and realize she messed up and gave up a good man for a few cheap orgasms. Of course, her pride will never let her admit it to you, but she will.
bandit.45 is offline  
post #138 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 10:09 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 180
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Chlamydia! Your dad's here to pick you up!
Lol! Chlamydia Jackson.
moth-into-flame is offline  
 
post #139 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 10:12 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 180
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Cheaters live in a dreamworld, where golden unicorns fart rainbows and there are no mortgages and sick kids and stinky husbands and bills and broken sink drains and all the problems that go along with marriage and a home. The affair partner represents freedom and lack of responsibility.

Sometimes OP, people cheat because they just get bored. Some people, like your wife, are always looking for ways to escape. They could have the best marriage and greatest home-life in the world, but if they take it for granted, then they start to drift. I think that is what happened to your wife.

One day she is going to wake up from the fantasy and realize she messed up and gave up a good man for a few cheap orgasms. Of course, her pride will never let her admit it to you, but she will.
Truth - the boredom thing. That kind of ties in with the "I deserve to be happy" entitlement. A cheater's mentality is "I deserve to be happy, at all costs - to anyone, including my family". Of course that "happiness" is a mirage. But they will destroy everything in their path to reach that mirage and drink from its skanky waters.
moth-into-flame is offline  
post #140 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 10:48 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,304
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by moth-into-flame View Post
Truth - the boredom thing. That kind of ties in with the "I deserve to be happy" entitlement. A cheater's mentality is "I deserve to be happy, at all costs - to anyone, including my family". Of course that "happiness" is a mirage. But they will destroy everything in their path to reach that mirage and drink from its skanky waters.


More like drunk driving. You know what you are doing is wrong. You just don't care. You don't think anyone will get hurt. Until you crash into another car with your spouse and kids it in.

Then you either continue in your car if it still runs, or go into the other car and say the damage is not that bad.
225985 is offline  
post #141 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 12:14 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 180
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by 225985 View Post
More like drunk driving. You know what you are doing is wrong. You just don't care. You don't think anyone will get hurt. Until you crash into another car with your spouse and kids it in.

Then you either continue in your car if it still runs, or go into the other car and say the damage is not that bad.
Mostly agree - except I'd change it to "you just don't care if anyone gets hurt". I'd say unless you're mentally challenged, you know that the potential to cause others severe pain is extremely high when you engage in infidelity. But you "deserve to be happy", so, tough luck.
moth-into-flame is offline  
post #142 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 10:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 80
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

I've been no contact with WW and using Skype to talk to kids during her week. She grabbed the iPad from the kids and started fussing and crying about I need to unblock her on my phone so she can get in touch with me about the kids. I told her to put the kids back on and she wouldn't, so I said goodbye. She started texting a bunch of stuff on Skype so I had to delete it.

Today she called and was fussing with my mom telling her I am hurting the kids by not talking to them during her week and if I don't unblock her she is going to fight for full custody.

I don't understand why she wants to talk to me so bad. I'm sure the kids do miss me during their week at her house, but I can't Skype them because WW ruins that. And when I did Skype them they were busy playing and didn't want to talk. I'm sure to them Skype is no substitute for physical contact.
collin8550 is offline  
post #143 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 10:57 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 368
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

You need to talk to your attorney and explain that 1) she's interrupting your chats with the kids, 2) she's blocking your access to the kids, 3) she's harassing and threatening you via chat and phone, 4) she's harassing your mother. He can write a letter explaining that all four activities need to stop. Whatever she needs to inform you about with respect to the kids can be handled via email. Only emergencies should be handled by phone. He can explain that once she agrees to these conditions, you will unblock her so that she can contact you in the event of an emergency.

Make sure that you are spending an adequate amount of time with your kids in person, so that she cannot claim you've abandoned or neglected them. You don't want to give her any credibility in a custody battle.
Tatsuhiko is offline  
post #144 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 10:57 PM
Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 3,269
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

She needs the validation that she still matters to you. Poor muffin!!!! Shes having ego kibble withdrawal.
Marc878 is offline  
post #145 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 08:06 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,171
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
I've been no contact with WW and using Skype to talk to kids during her week. She grabbed the iPad from the kids and started fussing and crying about I need to unblock her on my phone so she can get in touch with me about the kids. I told her to put the kids back on and she wouldn't, so I said goodbye. She started texting a bunch of stuff on Skype so I had to delete it.

Today she called and was fussing with my mom telling her I am hurting the kids by not talking to them during her week and if I don't unblock her she is going to fight for full custody.

I don't understand why she wants to talk to me so bad. I'm sure the kids do miss me during their week at her house, but I can't Skype them because WW ruins that. And when I did Skype them they were busy playing and didn't want to talk. I'm sure to them Skype is no substitute for physical contact.
Unblock the phone. If she calls with anything that doesn't pertain to the kids simply put the phone down.

If it's not the phone then it will be something else. Remove all excuses and reasons to gripe.

Also if you can video tape those skype calls, record her interrupting your calls. Each time you make a phone call and she refuses log that down too.
Document everything and play nice.

Playing nice doesn't mean putting up with her sh*t but you can shut down the game playing on the stupid weak stuff.

BobSimmons is offline  
post #146 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 08:33 AM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,429
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Tell her that you will take texts but not phone calls.
bandit.45 is offline  
post #147 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 10:09 AM
RWB
Member
 
RWB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,036
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
Today she called and was fussing with my mom telling her I am hurting the kids by not talking to them during her week and if I don't unblock her she is going to fight for full custody.

I don't understand why she wants to talk to me so bad.
C,

Fantasy Island ---------> Train Wreck <--------- Real World

As crazy as it seems, I really don't think cheaters can think through the consequence of infidelity. It not they don't have the capacity to. They just can't let "life" interact with fantasy... sours the milk if you will.

she is going to fight for full custody.

Both her worlds are crumbling at break neck speed. You really haven't seen the Fangs yet. Get ready. The children are her real only leverage at this point. She knows now that your desire for her, physical, emotional, whatever is gone. The only Ace she holds... the children.

Lawyer Up.

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying... Andy, Shawshank Redemption.
RWB is offline  
post #148 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 10:42 AM
Member
 
lucy999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Brownbackistan
Posts: 1,925
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Keep a record of every time she interrupts your Skype or phone calls with your kids during her week. I worked on a case recently ( I'm not a lawyer) where mom did this and the court laid the hammer down on that nonsense. The key is to keep detailed notes. Courts like it when you're organized.
lucy999 is offline  
post #149 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 10:45 AM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,713
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

RWB is 110% correct. Remember... when she brings her claws out, "stand still." Observe at 50,000 ft.... with no emotion.

This D is now a business deal, she is your adversary... treat her as such.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is offline  
post #150 of 508 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 12:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 80
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

I want to have zero contact though so she can't sneak in a little remark to hurt me. Like I am causing the kids pain by having her blocked so it's harder for them to talk to me. Even though I know it's her affair that's the reason for everyone's pain.

If I unblock her, after a week or two she will start sneaking in little comments that have nothing to do with the kids and try to bait me into an argument.

The other day she called my mom to say she made a dentist appt for the kids. Then she used some unknown number to text me and tell me she talked to my mom and scheduled a dentist appt. So there was no need for her to tell me that if she already went thru my mom to set it up.

And if I do Skype the kids, she will probably be in the background talking to OM or something to make sure I can hear.
collin8550 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
you did it for other men, but not me? nogutsnoglory Sex in Marriage 2775 03-15-2017 01:35 PM
Do you think my wife is cheating? Fishermanbear1984 Coping with Infidelity 204 11-23-2016 08:49 PM
Married, both polyamorous, but I still love my ex girlfriend SketchScratcher Considering Divorce or Separation 7 09-04-2016 02:35 PM
Cheating wife left for the OM GYRE Coping with Infidelity 88 08-16-2016 02:11 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome