I think about R less and less and want it less and less. I really want it just for the kids, but she would have to make a complete transformation and she is too dumb and selfish for that.
Lethal mistake - attempting to force R for the kids' sake. Listen - your wayward wife doesn't even really want to save this sham of a marriage. She's exactly
like my exww was at the beginning. Still in the "fog" and completely and utterly still into the other man and not thinking rationally - it's still 100% about her, her needs, her wants, her whims, her desires. I witnessed first hand what a beast of a person someone in an affair turns into (as have most of the people here). I get it - it's incredibly confounding and bewildering to watch this person you thought you knew and loved become a completely different, horrible person. It's a gigantic mind f*ck.
She doesn't want a true, solid, loving, faithful marriage - but she also doesn't want you to move on and she does NOT want to know that you are capable of moving on and being happy without her. That drives cheating women batsh*t insane
. Seriously. "I don't want you, I want someone or something else, but nobody else can have you either". She's a classic narcissist. People like this are like spoiled children. They are playing with their beloved toy - they get bored of it and throw it away and pick up another toy - which is now the greatest toy in the world
. It's their "soul toy". However, as soon as one of the other toddlers picks up the old toy she threw away - she throws a tantrum and wants that toy back. Until she gets bored of it again - once she has it back. This is not some far fetched analogy - this is reality.
The more you detach, the more you stop giving her info on what you're doing with your life, the less interest you show in her - the more she will manipulate you to try and kybosh that. You will probably see this as her somehow turning a corner and coming back to reality - coming back to you
. But it's false. It's not genuine. And if you take her back (if she even gets to the point of wanting to be taken back), mark my words my friend - you will suffer. She will do it again. You will be right back here.
Kids do NOT do well in a house with a fake marriage. My kids of course had a hard time (we all did), but they are MUCH happier now and we are MUCH closer than when I was with my exww. The bond that my kids and I developed post split has grown into something amazing. We are a team - a real trio. An unbreakable bond. This can be an opportunity for you to free yourself from a toxic woman and forge an amazing bond (beyond what you have now) with your kids.
My exww flipped when she found out I had moved on. "I just can't believe how fast you got over me and moved on". Yeah, that's ****ing right. Because she proved she wasn't worthy of me. Once she realized that, she desperately wanted me back. I gave R a chance for a few weeks, then realized no way. I cannot and will not devote my life to someone who gave her body and soul to some pos while we were still married and thrusted a butcher knife into my back, then twisted it slowly. Do not ever do that to yourself.
Another thing - there's anger coming. Anger like you've never experienced before - especially if you get back with her. It's not nearly as bad if you are done and start D. It'll still come, but if you get back together with her, you will begin to seethe - poison will start coursing through your veins and your contempt and resentment towards this woman will cause you to say horrible things. And justly so.
I was warned of this and shrugged it off. Boy were they right. Don't fall prey brother. Respect yourself and your children.