Wife still cheating. I just filed for D - Page 11 - Talk About Marriage
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post #151 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 12:52 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

It sounds like she's in a panic. She seems to think that her doormat husband was simply supposed to give her whatever she wanted or needed pretty much all the time. Her not ending the A is apparently on you, too.

She sounds like a prize of a mother. She can't handle even a day with her own children.

Keep liberating yourself from this abuse. Talk to your attorney about her behavior and document the instances. Settle on a communication route that will block her attempts to reel you back in. You could set up an intermediary or find another means to just get necessary divorce/kid info.

She's very entitled and your doing everything has allowed this feeling in her to grow, in my opinion. It's very hard when the princess is stripped of her tiara and ballgown. You're seeing that now. For her, it's not because she loves you and wants you. It's because 'IT'S NOT FAIR'! She's a mess because her entitled world is imploding.

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post #152 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 03:02 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
I want to have zero contact though so she can't sneak in a little remark to hurt me. Like I am causing the kids pain by having her blocked so it's harder for them to talk to me. Even though I know it's her affair that's the reason for everyone's pain.

If I unblock her, after a week or two she will start sneaking in little comments that have nothing to do with the kids and try to bait me into an argument.

The other day she called my mom to say she made a dentist appt for the kids. Then she used some unknown number to text me and tell me she talked to my mom and scheduled a dentist appt. So there was no need for her to tell me that if she already went thru my mom to set it up.

And if I do Skype the kids, she will probably be in the background talking to OM or something to make sure I can hear.
You are an adult. Exercise will power not to answer when she texts you stupid ****. Exercise self control. One of you has to.
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post #153 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 06:29 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

I hate to tell you this but all her ranting and ravings aren’t to get you back, it is for control. She wants to eat her cake and have it too. This affair has little to do with you or even the other man, it is about her and getting her way, much like a spoiled child. I wish I had a plan to help you make her see the error of her ways, but that is not likely to happen. This is a conclusion she has to come to on her own. The only thing that you can control is you and to be honest you have actually been doing well, though it may not seem like it at times.

You know that she wants to bait you into arguments, this is to get attention from you, since you are no longer pining after her. While she will try your patients you still need to treat her with a certain amount of respect for your children’s sake, not hers. Do not long for her demise or revenge, instead hope for her to get a grip on life, again this is for your children’s sake. They benefit from her being a well-adjusted parent to them. Hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas.
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post #154 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 08:00 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

All she wants is an anger dump depository. You are her 1st choice. Refusal. Can't anger dump what she wants on the kids so....

next up is...... POSOM. He won't stick around long, he just wanted gift wrapped sex. Then... her focus will return to you, "wif dem

powty lips n batty I's" just be prepared. Line up your ducks...... if you spurn her future advances, it WILL get very nasty.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #155 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 08:21 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

You are handling this unfortunate situation in an awesome manner.

The realisation has set in to your wife that her meal ticket, and baby sitter has been stamped void. Hence why her desperate need to get you back.

Stay Strong. You are on the right path.
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post #156 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 08:56 PM
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Poor muffin she doesn't understand where the old you went!!!!

Oh the pain of it all!!!!

Nice job!!! Now stay on course
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post #157 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 09:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

From what she says when she ambushes me and from the conversations she had with my mom, she claims to be OK with getting divorced. She claims she just wants her number unblocked so she can communicate with me about the kids.

She calls my mom one day asking if I'm missing the kids very much or acting sad. Then the next day or two she is fighting with my mom saying I need to unblock her. Then a day or two later she is calm and nice again.

She had her mom call me one morning but I didn't answer, because her mom actually enabled her and helped hide the affair from me a couple times. So I would rather not hear anything she has to say.

But I don't see what her problem with communicating the kids' business through my mom is. I stay at my mom's when it's my week to keep the kids. So she can tell me everything I need to know. My mom may occasionally be busy and not answer, but that's no different than me being busy and unable to answer. Besides, I have plenty of family members and friends that she can call and have them text me a message in an emergency.
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post #158 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 09:55 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

It's because she lost control and is in the dark.
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post #159 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 10:40 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by VFW View Post
I hate to tell you this but all her ranting and ravings aren’t to get you back, it is for control. She wants to eat her cake and have it too. This affair has little to do with you or even the other man, it is about her and getting her way, much like a spoiled child.
Spot on. Control... the Power in the relationship.

C,

Her manipulation of you started long ago.

When she was secretly cheating on you she had all the control in her mind. She could play nice when and where she wanted... and dole out the scraps to leave you guessing the rest of the time.

Mr. Fantastic was always there for her regardless. Truth be told she liked the control she had over you... as addicting as the affair itself.

Just another sick-o aspect of affairs. I still remember the years I was in the dark as to my WW affairs. I was chasing my tail to make her happy... hoop jumping from one issue in our marriage to another. It was never about me... all her.

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying... Andy, Shawshank Redemption.

Last edited by RWB; 12-18-2016 at 11:05 PM.
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post #160 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 10:57 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

How much effort are you putting into understanding how your children are coping, what their needs are, what values you want them to have ?


How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #161 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 08:20 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Good point. If she's this pushy to you, she may be unloading it all on the kids, too.
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post #162 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 08:41 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Turnera,
This type of childish crap plays out badly in family court.

You know better.



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I can't help it. I would respond one more time. "Really? You f*ck over your friends? I'd hate to see how poorly you treat your enemies."
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post #163 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 08:48 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Collin,
Your phone/phone company may have a feature that lets you block her calls, but not texts.

---------
The reason that is useful is simple. You send her a text that says: You can text me but not call me. If however you continue to say hurtful things I will insist all communication go through my mom.

And I will eventually point out in family court that you are causing intentional distress to the father of your children.




Quote:
Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
I want to have zero contact though so she can't sneak in a little remark to hurt me. Like I am causing the kids pain by having her blocked so it's harder for them to talk to me. Even though I know it's her affair that's the reason for everyone's pain.

If I unblock her, after a week or two she will start sneaking in little comments that have nothing to do with the kids and try to bait me into an argument.

The other day she called my mom to say she made a dentist appt for the kids. Then she used some unknown number to text me and tell me she talked to my mom and scheduled a dentist appt. So there was no need for her to tell me that if she already went thru my mom to set it up.

And if I do Skype the kids, she will probably be in the background talking to OM or something to make sure I can hear.
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post #164 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 08:56 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Quote:
Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
I want to have zero contact though so she can't sneak in a little remark to hurt me. Like I am causing the kids pain by having her blocked so it's harder for them to talk to me. Even though I know it's her affair that's the reason for everyone's pain.

If I unblock her, after a week or two she will start sneaking in little comments that have nothing to do with the kids and try to bait me into an argument.

The other day she called my mom to say she made a dentist appt for the kids. Then she used some unknown number to text me and tell me she talked to my mom and scheduled a dentist appt. So there was no need for her to tell me that if she already went thru my mom to set it up.

And if I do Skype the kids, she will probably be in the background talking to OM or something to make sure I can hear.
Your W is losing control over the entire situation. She appears very controlling and with this loss of controlling you emotionally, etc. her last weapon in the arsenal is the kids. Your W is struggling with her new reality....self imposed.

Don't take the bait or react if and when your W attempts to get you upset. Eventually your W will see the tactic no longer affects you and she will stop.

Provide a response via text only if it pertains to the kids. Anything else just delete.

Oh, the texting of your mother by your stbx is an attempt to appear to be the mother of the year and pit your mother against you as being uncooperative. I assume your mom has an idea why the divorce proceedings are in motion?

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

Last edited by Yeswecan; 12-19-2016 at 09:07 AM.
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post #165 of 383 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 09:51 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Your wife, besides being a deceitful, lying cheater, is also a bat**** crazy control freak. I know the type, all too well.

PURE POISON.
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