Wife still cheating. I just filed for D - Page 17 - Talk About Marriage
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post #241 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:40 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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I don't remember what I was going to post the last time, but it was something about how WW had been silent for a couple weeks. She had been texting my mom a little here and there, but she seemed to be doing fine and not at all worried about me or going thru the trouble to try to manipulate me. I also noticed her car at OM's house (he lives with his mother) a week ago as I passed by. She had been embarrassed to go over there ever since I exposed the affair.



Yesterday was the day my lawyer finally finished the divorce papers after being delayed by the courts during the holidays. I texted WW to tell her she could go pick the papers up instead of serving her. She said ok, asked a couple questions about how to get there, but seemed not at all bothered or sad.



1 hour later she texted and asked if I was happy and if I was better off without her. I ignored her for away while and then she messaged that she wasn't happier and she wasn't better off. I continued to ignore her but I felt sorry for her, even though I shouldn't.



Also, this nice looking girl on Facebook added and messaged me. It turns out she was dating OM for a while after his divorce, until she dumped him because of his affair with my WW. We have been talking a lot and she keeps inviting me to go eat or meet up and talk. I kept coming up with excuses, but still we text nearly all day for the past week. I am supposed to take my kids and meet her and her kids at her church tomorrow. Only problem is I found out that she is 5 years older than me last night. So I don't know if that will work for either of us or if she is still interested. But OM is 3 years younger than her, so maybe.



Anyway though, talking to her has made me feel a lot better. I've also been talking to girls on dating sites and they all say I am very handsome. So that has improved my confidence a lot.



But I'm thinking that after I meet this girl tomorrow, I may tell her I can't talk anymore. Before either of us develops strong feelings and gets hurt. But I am also scared she will stop first, because of our age difference. And I want to end it before she does, or at least find out if she wants to keep going. I don't know what to do really.


It's just a date, not a wedding. Go have fun for an evening.

Btw, the connection to her is weird. Did you know her before or does she seek out the husbands of the women that OM has affairs with?


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post #242 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 07:28 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

She was one of the people I exposed to from OM's contacts a while back. At that time we talked a lot. Then when I recently changed my Facebook status to "seperated", she messaged me a few days later.
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post #243 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 07:42 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Waaaaay too early to be introducing your kids to someone that you're dating / might wind up dating, IMO.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #244 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 08:07 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Agree.

Think about it. Church and brunch just the two of you is a good start. Add in both your children and it is a disaster.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #245 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 08:10 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Bye the way it is ok to say here: happy not at this time. Better off ? Perhaps more honest to say I accept necessity.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #246 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 11:19 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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She was one of the people I exposed to from OM's contacts a while back. At that time we talked a lot. Then when I recently changed my Facebook status to "seperated", she messaged me a few days later.


Understandable. She was getting involved with a serial cheater. She didn't know it. You are the white knight that saved her. Plus a great family guy whose wife fell for the cheating OM. And a strong guy that won't put up with cheating. Also shows you have good character. She bonded on that.

Or you are hot and she just wants to fvck.


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post #247 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 09:38 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Blue in Br, I think that is exactly what happened. But I'm going to go with your second explanation anyway.
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post #248 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 07:59 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Not a damn thing wrong with dating older women.... I used to date them 10-15 years older than me.

Granted, I was in my 20s.... Unless you want more kids..... throw age out the window.

Nothing wrong with dating....just don't get serious. Some people can't help but get serious,

after sex begins. Be careful.... for yourself... and others. I'm dating again.... here's a tidbit...

single females 35 and up will "hand it to you".... be sure you can handle the aftermath.

Keep your kids away from new females..... they haven't adjusted to their new normal yet.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #249 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 01:32 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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. here's a tidbit...

single females 35 and up will "hand it to you".... be sure you can handle the aftermath.


Well that's one perspective. Another us that they will "take it from you" and are just DTF the same as you are. Women aren't the gatekeepers of sex they once were in society.


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post #250 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:27 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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Well that's one perspective. Another us that they will "take it from you" and are just DTF the same as you are. Women aren't the gatekeepers of sex they once were in society.


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One can not take, what is not offered.....


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #251 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 10:01 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

I've been talking to a few girls. Nothing serious. But I can tell the affair messed me up. If a girl seems interested and excited, and then doesn't text for a while, I start getting worried and assume she doesn't like me. I easy never like that before.

Guess I'm still just nervous.
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post #252 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 12:55 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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I've been talking to a few girls. Nothing serious. But I can tell the affair messed me up. If a girl seems interested and excited, and then doesn't text for a while, I start getting worried and assume she doesn't like me. I easy never like that before.

Guess I'm still just nervous.
I politely disagree Collin, you're not yet healed enough to put your fears aside. None of us ever lose that fear really, we just learn to live with it, accept it as part of us, and decide that the risk of being hurt again is so much less of a defeat than allowing opportunity to pass us by, unseized.

You learn to be a person of opportunity, not of fear.

You are not there, yet. It takes time, introspection, and repeatedly stepping out on that skinny branch and experiencing failure until it really sinks in, that's assuming your mind is fully clear of your ex to begin with.

Some men (and women) believe that their key to healing is finding another to make them feel whole and validated, maybe even healed. I fundamentally disagree with this, for either sex. Reason being is that if you come together because you're hurt, over time, the thing that brings you together heals with time, and you become less needy. There comes a day when you realize this, and some one ends up being hurt, left hurt, and so the cycle continues in another.

It behooves you to work on yourself, by yourself, for a time, so you are a more complete person before you look too favorably at dating. If your intentions are for some "fun" dating and are made crystal clear, that's good, but understand that many women who are mature (the type you'll seriously need) simply cannot endure long term in such a relationship, no matter what they say. Without healing, you run a good chance of either finding a woman not really right for you (more like your ex), or too right for you... Meaning she'll be ahead in her own healing process and at a completely different life stage than you.

Take what I write with a grain of salt, but it has been my truth and experience. All the best.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #253 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 02:26 AM
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You shouldn't have your kids meet her or her kids. It's confusing to them and can cause problems for you. Don't do it.

Keep to extremely light dating or NSA sex only. It'll take years to recover.

The age isn't that different and you have no business looking for a marriage. She should know better too. My wife is about 15 years younger than me. (Her AP was 9 years younger). I know of a female friend of mine in her 50s dated a guy in his 30s.

How about this married couple: he's 37 and she is 49.
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post #254 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 07:45 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

You have no business dating so soon. Sure, go to a bar and pick up a ONS if you have to. But no women you're looking to date. They say stay single for a month for every year you were together, before you're ready to date.
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post #255 of 458 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:15 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Yes, you can date in the modern use of the term. You know like "Yes, I've been out on a few dates." Go have fun, but be completely honest with the women. You are recently separated, you aren't divorced and you want nothing serious at this time. You are currently DATING and having fun. You aren't ready for anything serious now or for quite a while.
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