Doing pretty good Collins. We've all been there. I'll try to make my 2 cents short.
1. This nightmare is at an early stage. It's not possible to R between your D day and now. I've gone thru 2 false Rs because both of us were not ready. Also toxic "friends" filling her head with lies about me.
Are you seeing a counselor? If not, get one ASAP...! Go to gym, do 180.
2. You MUST be willing to walk away from your marriage to have a chance to save it. Your heart is breaking, there will be bad days where your head wants to explode. Stay away from alcohol. I did it 2 weeks after I threw her out. Just once was enough. Okay, I did it another time after D day but before first False R. I was out of it. Luckily I was with a Friend who helped me vent. (We planned on sex that night. But she quickly knew I was in a bad place and gave me support that was need) Read on self help and healing, etc. Never forget your kids come first.
3. I did start dating quickly, but I noted on my online profile I was recently divorced and single. So I only wanted NSA sex... Worked out fine. I was thinking of revenge sex with the POSOMs mother... As we talked, etc. She was helpful to me in various ways. Overall, she and her son has/had drug issues. Getting drunk and coke together so I wanted distance.
4. NO more pick me. She has to come to you. It took over a month after I kicked her out before her fog started lifting. Yeah, I exposed her big time too. She also affaired down a bit, even thou he was half my age. He was a whiny guy, whose "sensitivity" and "poor me" got to my WW. But from my angle at the text I saw, he played her as well.
5. Female cheaters are less likely to repair the marriage. Pride and shame works against them that way. Cheating cause the cheaters brain to do strange things. Hence, always carry a VAR on you. Buy one today.
They have to justify thier actions to the BS... Sometimes they go crazy and have killed thier own kids.
6. Over time, my love for my WW was dying. It's depressing... But meeting new women and sex is fun and exciting. My WW called me out of the blue... To try again. She's been to every marriage counseling session with gusto. Never a complaint. She still went with my demands... And without a lawyer, signed our toddler to me. IE: I have as much full rights as legally allowed by the state... She has nothing.
We are better now than before the affair. I've improved myself and she isn't a drunk anymore (knock on wood). I've been taking her to AA meetings, etc.
But there will always be a scar on my heart from ripping it out of my chest.
You cannot win her back at this time. She needs to figure it out... And if you are with someone else by then... Too bad for her. Do NOT wait for her head to clear. It may take months or years,if ever.
PS: waywards seem to turn ugly... Yep. The day I threw her out... She looked her best, with make up and clothes to meet the OM. I told her she was ugly... Because she was.
Hey uglyness on the inside came out.