Wife still cheating. I just filed for D - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-27-2016, 08:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Thanks. She just called my mom's house because she kept calling my phone but I haven't been paying attention to it. She was flipping out and crying because the kids were being bad all day. Her first full day with them home alone since they were born. I guess she never noticed how much I did while she was enjoying her peaceful evenings watching TV and playing on Facebook while I distracted the kids.

But, I know her and the reason the kids were bad today is my fault somehow.

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post #77 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-27-2016, 08:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Thanks for all the responses by the way. They help a lot.
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post #78 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-27-2016, 09:10 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
Thanks. She just called my mom's house because she kept calling my phone but I haven't been paying attention to it. She was flipping out and crying because the kids were being bad all day. Her first full day with them home alone since they were born. I guess she never noticed how much I did while she was enjoying her peaceful evenings watching TV and playing on Facebook while I distracted the kids.

But, I know her and the reason the kids were bad today is my fault somehow.
"Welcome to single parenthood. Too bad you couldn't remain faithful."

<Hang up phone>

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #79 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-27-2016, 09:32 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

The reason to be cautious begining to date is the "why". Is it to prove something to yourself, to her, to just for a moment in time fill a void?
Which is why I suggested socializing at first, that's all. You have filed and are living separately so I would not consider dateing cheating. Just keep a strong balance in your life towards your children and rebuilding a indepentant life for yourself.

Be well

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #80 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-27-2016, 09:53 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Collin, I haven't had a chance to read all the replies yet but I wanted to say a couple of things.
You are light years ahead of many who come on here, and you are doing a wonderful job at being so level headed.

I would probably stop throwing out there the option of working things out if she ever wants to stop the affair...IF she ever actually does, and at that time you want to give her that courtesy, then do it, but at this point she doesn't deserve it at the back of her mind to fall back on.

Of course you feel sad at the thought of losing half the time with your kids. It's a terrible thing that the betrayed spouse gets stuck with, not to mention the kids suffering. The whole thing is messed up...

You have a good head on your shoulders, and I hope that whatever transpires down the line will be for the most benefit of you and those sweet babies of yours. Sending you cyber hugs 🤗 and my best wishes for peace for you and your family.

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #81 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-27-2016, 10:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Thanks Spicy and everyone else. I guess I want to date just to get some attention and get back my manhood. But I would be forcing myself, because I really don't feel like it. But I think I would feel like less of a loser.

Whenever WW let the kids FaceTime me earlier, she snuck in a couple times but I answered only yes and no to a couple child based questions. And man did she look unattractive. And she was literally holding back tears while saying the kids were so bad all day. I just looked at her face and remembered all the times of her yelling and angry.

Right after D-day when I saw her I thought she looked better than ever. Tonight it was like "why the hell did I ever desire her?"
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post #82 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-27-2016, 10:40 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

You never lost your manhood. You're more of a man than the dirtbag your wife is with--the one who's cheating on his own wife. Let's be honest; just the other day she offered to sleep with you, so is he really all that? There's no reason for you to start dating now, if it's only to prove something to yourself.

You should continue to be businesslike. She is getting a lesson in adulthood really fast. She had no idea how dependent she was on you. Not sure why you'd want her back at this point, but if you do, you need to continue to cut her loose. She should fully understand that you're moving on without her and that this might involve you seeing other women--this seems to be a sore spot for her. You might allude to vague "plans" you have on certain nights when you expect her to take the kids.

Tell her not to interrupt your Facetime sessions with the kids unless there's an emergency. On the days you have the kids, you will contact her only in an emergency, you will not interrupt her Facetime sessions, and you expect the same from her. For that matter, all kid-related communication can be email-based. That way, everyone has a record of what was agreed to.
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post #83 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-27-2016, 11:59 PM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Continue to ignore her protests about the kids. When they're with them, unless it's an emergency, they're her problem. That will give her an idea of what it's like to be around them all day for several days a week. If you can, maybe use that to convince her to give you more custody with the kids.
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post #84 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 02:52 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
Thanks Spicy and everyone else. I guess I want to date just to get some attention and get back my manhood. But I would be forcing myself, because I really don't feel like it. But I think I would feel like less of a loser.

Whenever WW let the kids FaceTime me earlier, she snuck in a couple times but I answered only yes and no to a couple child based questions. And man did she look unattractive. And she was literally holding back tears while saying the kids were so bad all day. I just looked at her face and remembered all the times of her yelling and angry.

Right after D-day when I saw her I thought she looked better than ever. Tonight it was like "why the hell did I ever desire her?"
The start of the reclamation of your manhood starts at home with yourself. No point in dating another woman when you're still sorting out the mess you're currently in.

Show your wife you have the "nuts" not to take her BS, not to run to the phone whenever she calls, not to pick up because the kids were bad, that is not an emergency, that is called reality of the consequences of choosing to bang someone other than your husband.

A loser wouldn't file for divorce. Take yourself out that negative frame and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
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post #85 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 03:04 AM
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Collins, every time I hear a BH say how much more attractive the OBS is than their WW and the OM is a troll I read this thread to make me karma happy.
I recommend reading the follow up threads he posts pretty much a BH happy ending. Do it! Do it!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...fair-mp-spouse

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post #86 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 04:51 AM
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Doing pretty good Collins. We've all been there. I'll try to make my 2 cents short.

1. This nightmare is at an early stage. It's not possible to R between your D day and now. I've gone thru 2 false Rs because both of us were not ready. Also toxic "friends" filling her head with lies about me.
Are you seeing a counselor? If not, get one ASAP...! Go to gym, do 180.

2. You MUST be willing to walk away from your marriage to have a chance to save it. Your heart is breaking, there will be bad days where your head wants to explode. Stay away from alcohol. I did it 2 weeks after I threw her out. Just once was enough. Okay, I did it another time after D day but before first False R. I was out of it. Luckily I was with a Friend who helped me vent. (We planned on sex that night. But she quickly knew I was in a bad place and gave me support that was need) Read on self help and healing, etc. Never forget your kids come first.

3. I did start dating quickly, but I noted on my online profile I was recently divorced and single. So I only wanted NSA sex... Worked out fine. I was thinking of revenge sex with the POSOMs mother... As we talked, etc. She was helpful to me in various ways. Overall, she and her son has/had drug issues. Getting drunk and coke together so I wanted distance.

4. NO more pick me. She has to come to you. It took over a month after I kicked her out before her fog started lifting. Yeah, I exposed her big time too. She also affaired down a bit, even thou he was half my age. He was a whiny guy, whose "sensitivity" and "poor me" got to my WW. But from my angle at the text I saw, he played her as well.

5. Female cheaters are less likely to repair the marriage. Pride and shame works against them that way. Cheating cause the cheaters brain to do strange things. Hence, always carry a VAR on you. Buy one today.
They have to justify thier actions to the BS... Sometimes they go crazy and have killed thier own kids.

6. Over time, my love for my WW was dying. It's depressing... But meeting new women and sex is fun and exciting. My WW called me out of the blue... To try again. She's been to every marriage counseling session with gusto. Never a complaint. She still went with my demands... And without a lawyer, signed our toddler to me. IE: I have as much full rights as legally allowed by the state... She has nothing.

We are better now than before the affair. I've improved myself and she isn't a drunk anymore (knock on wood). I've been taking her to AA meetings, etc.

But there will always be a scar on my heart from ripping it out of my chest.

You cannot win her back at this time. She needs to figure it out... And if you are with someone else by then... Too bad for her. Do NOT wait for her head to clear. It may take months or years,if ever.

PS: waywards seem to turn ugly... Yep. The day I threw her out... She looked her best, with make up and clothes to meet the OM. I told her she was ugly... Because she was.

Hey uglyness on the inside came out.
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post #87 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 06:31 AM
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Doing pretty good Collins. We've all been there. I'll try to make my 2 cents short.
I was thinking of revenge sex with the POSOMs mother... A
Hahaha holy ****...a good way to get shot. Just wow...was the POSOM younger or were you willing to sleep with a much older woman as a **** you, to him?
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post #88 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 07:33 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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Thanks. She just called my mom's house because she kept calling my phone but I haven't been paying attention to it. She was flipping out and crying because the kids were being bad all day. Her first full day with them home alone since they were born. I guess she never noticed how much I did while she was enjoying her peaceful evenings watching TV and playing on Facebook while I distracted the kids.

But, I know her and the reason the kids were bad today is my fault somehow.
Consequences suck.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #89 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 07:46 AM
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For your future relationships you can do too much in a marriage. It should be balanced @ 50/50. If you are pulling too much you can get taken advantage of and lose respect.

Expect her to want you to come back as plan B. She's missing her babysitter and probably your checkbook.

Poor muffin, welcome to reality!!!
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post #90 of 582 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 07:49 AM
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Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

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OP,
As you move forward in this nightmare you must come the absolute realization that your WW is not thinking clearly, if at all. Some have said that the OM fills a need in her. Let us ponder that. The need to lie, the need to deceive, the need to act immorally, the need to defile her character, the need to place her "trust" in a man that is actively betraying the last woman he vowed to love forever, the need to exemplify dishonor to her children, the need to destroy her family, the need to risk STDs and the list could go on. It is evident that the OM does fill many of your W's needs. However there is one real need that he could only fill if he were Dr. Frankenstein and that is her need for a brain.

You cannot read the above paragraph and honestly believe that your WW is a rational, reasonable individual. Therefore it is simply unrealistic to expect any form of rational, reasonable behavior from her. R is something that requires far and away more intellect than your WW has. This is regrettable but absolutely true. To expect more from her is to invite disappointment. Stay your course. There are women out there that do not have the needs listed in the first paragraph and therefore no need for an OM to fill them. When you find such a woman you will then have a foundation on which to build your family. I wish you good fortune
Wow!

According to the above, the WW is insane and has @NoChoice but to "Fly headlong into the Flame".

I would say this is nonsense....the deed says otherwise.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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