Hubby is on his way to OM's house as I write this.
I can't breathe.
TRUST your husband, Working. He is doing this to repair your marriage and speaks volumes about his feelings for you. I know you are nervous, but this is his way of taking back his manhood. Like I said, treat him like a hero, when he gets home.
Just heard from my husband. I'm really proud of how he handled this.
OM was not home, I was afraid of this.
Hubby said he went up to the door, asked if she was so and so, after she said yes, she then responded "this doesn't look good". He asked her to step outside as he had some information that she needed to hear about her husband. Hubby said he was calm but shaking inside. He handed her the letter, and told her that her husband had an affair with his wife. She responded very calmly, but had tears in her eyes. She thanked him, and asked if she could call him. He then told her he saved some of the emails I had sent OM, and if she wanted them she could have copies. He also told her the legal issue of the unfinished work in the basement was at the end of the letter. She was speechless.
He then left the home. She called him back 5 min. later and said she wanted the emails.
Just heard from my husband. I'm really proud of how he handled this.
OM was not home, I was afraid of this.
Hubby said he went up to the door, asked if she was so and so, after she said yes, she then responded "this doesn't look good". He asked her to step outside as he had some information that she needed to hear about her husband. Hubby said he was calm but shaking inside. He handed her the letter, and told her that her husband had an affair with his wife. She responded very calmly, but had tears in her eyes. She thanked him, and asked if she could call him. He then told her he saved some of the emails I had sent OM, and if she wanted them she could have copies. He also told her the legal issue of the unfinished work in the basement was at the end of the letter. She was speechless.
He then left the home. She called him back 5 min. later and said she wanted the emails.
So it's done.
I want to thank everyone for making me see how imp. this was to my marriage.
OP, I'm apologize if this question was asked previously. But you said you had lot of triggers when writing the letter. What was your intention when you asked your husband to move out. Separate from husband? Marry the OM when he divorces the wife? Remain single and keep seeing the OM?
I have to commend you for the work you've put in toward reconciling your marriage. Not only did you come out the other side of this with a bright future ahead, but you really showed a lot of people here that there are WS's who are truly remorseful and want to redeem themselves by starting anew with their spouse. Congratulations and good luck because as you said- "Now the REAL work begins."
OP, I'm apologize if this question was asked previously. But you said you had lot of triggers when writing the letter. What was your intention when you asked your husband to move out. Separate from husband? Marry the OM when he divorces the wife? Remain single and keep seeing the OM?
I don't know what I was thinking when I asked my husband t0 leave, as stupid a's this may sound, I felt guilty for cheating on him while we were still together and felt like if he left I could further justify my acts. I could no longer look at him while engaging in the affair. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that was where my thinking was at the time.
Do know as hard it this was, that the OMW has been done a huge service. She has been operating in a marriage without all of the information required to make proper decisions.
I don't know what I was thinking when I asked my husband t0 leave, as stupid a's this may sound, I felt guilty for cheating on him while we were still together and felt like if he left I could further justify my acts. I could no longer look at him while engaging in the affair. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that was where my thinking was at the time.
IOW you didn't want the reminder of your sins near you
Working, I want to tell you that I think you, at last, are coming out of the fog, and really showing true remorse. Yes, the real work begins, but you have come a long way towards proving your level of commitment. Your support for your husband during this crisis will go a long way to helping him regain his self-respect and trust in you. I wish you the best of luck with your NEW, HONEST, MARRIAGE!!!
His wife never had any evidence, so she never came forth with the information to my husband. I'm not sure it's to compare notes, but rather for her to know that she was right with her suspicions, and in fact not crazy at all. It's also to reclaim his manhood and feel that he does have some control of the situation. He also wants to show the OM that he has to suffer the consequences of his affair, as his has not thus far.
I'm confused why telling anyone is a benefit. Maybe I'm a private person and I want to work thru things on my own, but telling another spouse and their family seems horribly selfish to me. My business is my spouse and if I wish to stay with a cheater. But to ruin another family for the purpose of mines's screwed and yours should be, just seems petty and vindictive.
Re: Exposing to O/m's wife after all these months 
