mrwawa

all,

I have a probably stupid question, but it has come up in my mind and I can't let it go.

My wife and I have been married over ten years. We have a great relationship (i.e. read there are always things to work on), and I have no reason to suspect that she is having or has had an affair. But her sexual history always comes back to my mind.

Basically, before we got married she had a lot of casual sex with a number of different partners. I have never been this type of person, though I have had casual sex, it didn't do much for me. She also had some long-term (1-2 year) boyfriends, but obviously those ended and we got married. But it always bothered me that she kissed someone (while in Europe, so maybe she gets a pass!) while with her ex and, when we were getting together she also did the same while we were in NYC (I was with some friends). Both times it involved a male at a bar, and while when it happened to me we weren't "officially" together, it bothered me nonetheless.

I always thought that I felt intimidated by her sexual history, but lately I realize that it's more that I feel that I can't trust her, that she is drawn to that lifestyle and sometime, maybe sooner maybe later, she will stray and I will be forced to leave her.

EA sufferers, call me a fool, tell me to confront her, whatever. Just wondering what people see as a correlation between casual sex and cheating.

Jellybeans

The thing is, you married her with this knowledge.

Just cause someone has casual sex doesn't mean they'll cheat. Lots of people who never have had casual sex and only LTR relationships cheat. It doesn't make her any more or less susceptible to cheating, IMO.

It's bothering you so I would talk to her about it. But try not to crucify her for things you knew about very well before you married her.

The past is the past.

Jellybeans

Also, I'm not sure how this is relevant to "EA sufferers?"

mrwawa

Thanks for the advice. I knew that if I put it down on paper it would look more silly than it does floating around in my head. It seems trivial now, compared to what everyone else is going through on this website.

Jellybeans

Yeah there are a lot of broken hearts/people here.

HerToo

I think some members think that EA means "Extramarital Affair" rather than "Emotional Affair".

sadcalifornian

It is a well known statistical fact that people with promiscuous history pre-M are likely to cheat after M. Your concern is well justified. However, without a solid evidence of any wrongdoing at this point, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. You just have to stay vigilant throughout your M. I know this sucks.