Have you posted here working? You posted this in Decimated's thread
Yeah, I wasn't really comfortable posting about this particular thing, I didn't want to piss people off or seem as though I was talking about sex, in a sense glorifying it.
fine...here it goes.
My sex life with my husband was always pretty healthy ie frequencey, positions, etc. except for several months prior to meeting OM. We were having a lot of marital problems, and had pretty much given up on everything. I would "service" him every now and then, but I just couldn't get into it,I had a lot of resentment towards him at the time. I was never able to have an orgasm from sex alone, always through oral only, we'd use toys etc. Anyway, during one of my meet ups with OM, during sex, I had orgasmed twice, I couldn't understand how that happened. It only happened that one time, and with hubby it has never happened. Hubby was really upset about this, but not mad at me really, just upset that he could not do this for me, he felt like less than a man in some respects.
Hope this doesn't offend anyone, it's a bit graphic for this side of the forum.
I divorced my XW four years ago. She had a PA with her supervisor from about Jan '06 to Sept '06. I caught her in bed with him at a motel (pretended to be housekeeping, ha ha! ). She came home next day to find her clothes in garbage bags on the front porch and the locks changed. We had a no-fault divorce completed by Jan 07. During our short separation she told me that she had not done anything with him that she had not done with me.
But around June '07, after the D, I met up with a mutual friend of hours (well, my friend more than hers) and over beers he told me that he had heard the OM had bragged that he and my wife and a second man had engaged in a threesome at an out-of-town company conference sometime around July '06. I remembered that conference: I was at home taking care of the kids, while the OM and his buddy were DP'ing her, oral, anal, bondage, etc., and did it with her over a course of two successive nights. She never broke a sweat or batted an eyelash when she got home. I remembered we had gotten in a big fight because she would not have sex with me. She claimed she was too tired. Yeah... she was tired alright.
Sometime after I talked to my friend about this I confronted my EW during our transfer of the kiddies (out of earshot of course) and asked her if it was true. Her jaw dropped and she got that "deer in the headlights" look, and just spun around and walked away without answering me.
Bimbo. Glad I ditched her. Man that still hurts when I think about it.
I guess for me it wasn't so much what she did different with him,but what she did the same that really hurt me the most.Being close in each others arms after sex and feeling peace and contentment both physically and emotionally was always the time of most intimate connection for me.Those were the visions I couldn't get out of my head.Really loved her and I think at one time she really loved me.Just a sad reflection for me now.
Like I always said, sex was no different from my husband. I guess it was emotional.
Was it before or after you were discovered? It need not be emotional but definitely psychological(due to the guilt nature). Haven't you heard rape cases where the women feels incrediby guilty because she orgasmed during the rape though she was not enjoying it.
When my wife admitted to one of her affairs I asked if she did things with her lover that she would not do with me she replied "you can tell your husband no, but you can't tell your lover no."....You must live with your spouse, live up to your expectations and those of society, appear to be "normal." With your lover you can let go, enjoy sex for pleasures sake. Your lover won't judge you, they are doing the same thing.
A lover can easily up and leave, a spouse usually can't do it as easily - unless of course you are the legendary lascarx . The faithful spouse stops being a challenge, sexually, to the cheating spouse.
Is it any wonder how many cheating spouses panic when their faithful spouses serves them with divorce papers - something many weren't counting on - and state that they now want to do all those sexual acts that they steadfastly refused in the past with their spouse? Sadly their offer is very unappealing considering that it was born out of fear and not of true desire.