How many of you my fellow betrayed felt the extra sting of knowing that your spouse did things with the OM/OW that she/he refused to do with you and still doesn't want to do with you. It doesn't necessarily have to do with sex btw.
Yes, this is a big hurt for me. She would be just sooooooo tired and have to go right to bed early every night, but would make time to "go to the grocery store" on the nights she would meet with the OM.
Also the fact that she was "instantly attracted to him" and every time she saw him she "just had to have him" while at the same time she is telling me that she doesn't find me sexually attractive. That hurts bad.
I don't know the specifics of their affair when in the affair stage, but now that the two of them live together and it's a relationship, there are things that bother me. Like, I was always telling how we needed to spend time together and he worked too much. He seems to not be working as much and he goes and does quality time type things with her and her kid and when he has or kids. I guess this could just be him trying to learn from his past mistakes or something, who knows. But I always wanted to go to a hockey game, and he took her to one. He takes her out on the river and we never did that. We aren't together, of course, so it shouldn't bother me. I guess it just makes me laugh. Because, afterall, I'm doing a helluva lot with my new man than I did with my husband. Sexually and nonsexually. It's just a much more fulfilling relationship, so I'm counting my lucky stars.
There are so many things that he did with her and said to her that he wont do with me. Things like fun flirty text messages during the day or he would take off the whole day to spend with her. I am lucky if I get him to have lunch with me. We have been married for almost 25 years and he has never called me by a pet name but he did with her. I dont understand how he can be so flirty with her and even when I ask him to do these things with me, he wont. His excuse is that with her they only have each other their best there were no bills, kids , or other things to get in their way. Posted via Mobile Device
I hurts me deeply, even though this WW didn't go PA like my first one did, it hurts just the same. When I was deployed, she could hardly be bother to take my morale calls. When I was in an unaccompanied tour in another state, she would hardly EVER call me, I was always the one making the calls. Sometimes she would go days without calling me, then would wonder why I was upset, its like she didnt miss me. AND when I would call her at work, she would always be in a rush to get me off the phone because she had a customer waiting, they weren't allowed to use their cell phones at work, and would never talk to me for more than a 2 minutes (literally).
Then when I got the call logs from the calling card service she was using (Penny Talk), it blew me away. She would get up extra early in the morning to call him. She would be calling him when I was dropping off the kid at school. She would be calling him on her way to work. She would call him during work at all hours, for 10-15 minutes at a time on her cell phone when she supposedly couldn't use her cell phone. She would call him on her way home for lunch and on her way home from work. She could call him during her work hours as much as 12 times in one day for 10-15 minutes at a time, but she was always telling me she was busy with customers. I wondered how she kept her job during that time considering how much time she was spending on the phone with him and on her cell phone. Then she would be calling him when I went to bed. She must have only had a few hours of sleep each night. At one point, it was 3,512 minutes in one month just on the cell phone.
Its the time, money, and effort that she spent on her OM, when she would blow me off, that really gets me. Then after DDay she says we grew apart and lost communications. You think?
So now she's the one calling, and when she says she has to go because theres a customer waiting, its a huge trigger for me. I'm like: Yeah, right. Now I don't care about her calls and am the one cutting it short.
It may sound stupid but what bothered me was that he would actively seek her out to talk to her when he was at the office where she works he always says they would talk about "stuff" also whenever they when out he was always up for it but when it comes down to go out somewhere I suggest (even now) something ALWAYS comes up. Posted via Mobile Device