It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 10:26 PM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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We women go through so much ****. Carrying babies around for over 9 months inside of us and all the hormonal changes, weight gain, etc, giving painful births and then Husbands expecting us to be all visually sexy so they can have their wicked way. Something really lopsided in this scenario, men don't bloody well know how much we go through and put up with. That is why when we hit late 40's and 50's the light goes on and some realise enough of this, now he expects me to pander to him and be his mother too. If I ever meet God, I am going to ask him, why we got the short straw. Rant over.


I think you meant to say "short skirt" in that last sentence.


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post #32 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 05:44 AM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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I'm sorry I wasn't clear -
He is the one who initiated the call to the girl. He asked me if I wanted him to call her to make sure she understands no more (he didn't want to do it without my permission). I said yes, I do want you to call her and tell her that.

I sent her a text on my own behalf.
Dog and pony show.

If you think he hasn't already clued her in on the lies he told you (that it was 'only oral'), unfortunately, you'd be wrong. Further, it's about 100% likely that he also warned her that he might be making a phone call to her in front of you and to please stick to the lies he's told you about their involvement. Honestly, if you think he made that offer out of the blue to call her WITHOUT having first told her he was going to do it and asking her NOT to say anything that would get him in more trouble, you'd be very wrong.

Secondly, the worst mistake you could have possibly MADE was coercing him into having sex with you. You put your baby's health at risk with a possible STD.

Third, he sounds like one of those guys who can no longer feel any sexual desire for a woman once she has his children. I'd be willing to bet that's why your sex life completely tanked after you had your first child. On those rare occasions you DO have sex, he's a complete selfish a*sshole and treats you like a receptical and nothing more. Stop subjecting yourself to that horrifically disrespectful behavior.

Lastly, any man low enough to cheat on his pregnant wife isn't worthy of forgiveness or reconciliation. He's proven himself to be a bottom-feeder who will cross ANY line.

He's shown you exactly who he is. You need to believe him.
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post #33 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:32 AM
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"Husbands expecting us to be all visually sexy so they can have their wicked way. Something really lopsided in this scenario"

Wicked ways? Why should it be wicked for a couple to make love? Or its just him?

My wife was bummed she had to wait 6 weeks. I think she demanded sex at 3 weeks and we did it softly.

About men seeing birth. For many guys, that's rough. I chose not to watch, didn't want to take that chance. I kinda wish I was there, but still content with that decision.

To the OP: he is only in regret... He got busted. If he came to you first, admitted what he did -that would be different.

It does seem he trying at least. And a better MC seems needed. Your call.
I recommend two books.

1- how to help your spouse heal after an affair. https://www.amazon.com/Help-Your-Spo.../dp/145055332X

2- not just friends.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/07432...DWJC12RN7CAMBC

Whatever reason he did this, there is no excuse. Continue therapy.
The timing sucks. Do your best. There are people here to help.
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post #34 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:41 AM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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About men seeing birth. For many guys, that's rough. I chose not to watch, didn't want to take that chance. I kinda wish I was there, but still content with that decision.
Smart man. There are some things that can never be unseen.

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post #35 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:10 AM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

W had c sections so I got to watch the alien scene where they pulled the kids out of her. The nurse took me around the hanging sheets that shield the view so I could see the babies. There was blood everywhere and the doctor yelled at the nurse because there was an adjoining room that I was supposed to go through to avoid the mess. But TBH it didn't affect me at all - I expected as much, knew my W was ok (I had been holding her hand through it) and was focused on the kids.


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post #36 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:12 AM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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W had c sections so I got to watch the alien scene where they pulled the kids out of her. The nurse took me around the hanging sheets that shield the view so I could see the babies.
Yeah my second child was a C section too. I was standing by her head. Even though I recall some hanging sheets either they didn't block the view or I looked around them. I clearly saw the doctor reach his arm inside of her and pull out a leg. Seemed rather unreal at the time.
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post #37 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

I don't suspect he told her to play along. Main reason is because i do not think he thought he was going to be caught. After he got caught, there is no way they had any interaction together. He did not return to work for a few days after this happened (scheduled days off anyway) and I can see the text and call history online.

I don't know... this is one of the worst situations I have ever been in. Very depressing. The first 2-3 days, I was extremely hurt and sad. Today I am angry.

Knowing how my husband can be sexually, it really wouldn't surprise me if he literally went over there just to get oral. I know a lot can happen in 10 minutes, but I really think he saw her as a piece of &ss while his wife was pregnant. Not that it makes any difference. I am just trying to make sense of all of this in my head - because it's the only way I am going to move forward. I don't think he has any strong feelings or wants a relationship. The only thing I think he may be lying about is how many times it happened. And even that I am not sure.

I am not sure of ANYTHING right now AHHHH
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post #38 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:20 PM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

Have you been STD tested?? That should be priority number ONE right now!

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #39 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:28 PM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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Originally Posted by adegirl2016 View Post
He has turned on Find My Iphone so that I can see where he is at all times.
Not quite. You can see where his phone is, or was at the last point it was switched off. The difference could be significant.

I am pretty sure that there will be an app out there that allows you to send out a spoof location to hide your real one.
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post #40 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:29 PM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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I'd think most guys who witness childbirth firsthand will be traumatized to some extent. I did, for sure. I mean you see it all, the fluids, the afterbirth, the child's head popping out followed by the rest, including the cord and the placenta. How can you NOT get those images the next time you're down there trying to give her pleasure or even when you're about to insert yourself? In my case I even saw the episiotomy- when they cut and then stitch the bottom of the vj back together again to avoid tearing during delivery. As I write this I can still picture it as if it was yesterday. She had fibroids, so they pulled out the uterus (I think it was the uterus otherwise it was just one huge fibroid), and inverted it on her belly and zapped parts of it with some sort of electric device. It looked like some sort of alien creature just laying there attached with part of it going right back inside her vj. I can still smell the burning from the electric zaps they were giving it.

Fathers really should be warned with some sort of disclaimer prior to being present in the delivery room. "You'll never look at her vj the same way again and witnessing childbirth first hand can be detrimental to your sex life".
Or it could be the most amazing thing you'll ever see, it just depends on your perspective.

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post #41 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:42 PM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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Or it could be the most amazing thing you'll ever see, it just depends on your perspective.
No doubt. Seeing my baby daughter laying there after she was born, and the sudden realization that I am the father of this beautiful child was a mind blowing experience. That much being said it would have been indescribably better if I didn't have the image of placenta and afterbirth and umbilical cords seared into my brain.
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post #42 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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Originally Posted by WonkyNinja View Post
Not quite. You can see where his phone is, or was at the last point it was switched off. The difference could be significant.

I am pretty sure that there will be an app out there that allows you to send out a spoof location to hide your real one.


My husband isn't really good with all of that stuff!! I can't see him figuring that out but I guess anything can happen.
He also has an apple watch that is also tracking. Of course, he could leave that at work too if he was really trying.

This is just to help me get by the next few weeks at work. There is a 90 percent chance he has another job that he can start in 3 or so weeks. He will be home with the baby for 2 weeks.
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post #43 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:51 PM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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Have you been STD tested?? That should be priority number ONE right now!
Please get tested and inform your doctor BEFORE the baby crowns that your H cheated on you recently and you are uncertain of your STD status. Most standard STD's can be transferred orally. This is important. Do not let shame or fear jeopardize your unborn child's health.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #44 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

Yes I have an appt to see my OBGYN before they close. I am so glad they were able to get me in because they close super early on Fridays and I will be induced Monday if baby is not here by then!!
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post #45 of 285 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 07:49 PM
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Re: It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

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Originally Posted by adegirl2016 View Post
I don't suspect he told her to play along. Main reason is because i do not think he thought he was going to be caught. After he got caught, there is no way they had any interaction together. He did not return to work for a few days after this happened (scheduled days off anyway) and I can see the text and call history online.

I don't know... this is one of the worst situations I have ever been in. Very depressing. The first 2-3 days, I was extremely hurt and sad. Today I am angry.

Knowing how my husband can be sexually, it really wouldn't surprise me if he literally went over there just to get oral. I know a lot can happen in 10 minutes, but I really think he saw her as a piece of &ss while his wife was pregnant. Not that it makes any difference. I am just trying to make sense of all of this in my head - because it's the only way I am going to move forward. I don't think he has any strong feelings or wants a relationship. The only thing I think he may be lying about is how many times it happened. And even that I am not sure.

I am not sure of ANYTHING right now AHHHH
Adegirl,

Sorry this has happened to you, it is gut wrenching. Dont make any hasty decisions right now but think of your long term future.
Many will probably agree with me but it's not as if your man was a young student, he is 30 years old and should have common sense and a sense of boundaries. If you accept him back you are setting yourself up for years of heartache when you get older, put on weight, have many more commitments, etc. He has shown you what and who he is, he is not to be trusted, he cares only for himself.
The reality is 'one cannot make a silk purse from a sow's ear', you cannot change him, time cannot change him, he is fundamentally flawed and is far from a decent human being to do that to the mother of his kids. It tells you all you need to know. Get out now, he can still be the father of your children, but your deserve someone who loves you, cherishes and honours you. He has not and will not do this. Run as fast as your legs can take you.
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