Thorburn

My Update: I know it is long, sorry.

Came home Friday drunk. My wife kept insisting that she wanted me to come home. I did not want to come home. I am living several hours away during the work week. I am not a nasty drunk and when I got home I did not unpack anything from my truck. I stopped at a store on my way home and bought a card that had a history of things on her birthday, candy that her grandmother use to give her, etc. When I got home I asked her to go into our family room. I explained to her the significance of each gift. That on the day she was born her parents had many high hopes for her. I took a picture of her father and handed it to her and said when he was dying seven years ago he pulled me aside and asked me to always take care of his daughter. I shared that her mother did the same thing prior to her death earlier this year. Her parents adored me and I loved them. They were responsible with us reconsiliation 12 years ago when she did something similar. They knew their daughter.

I told her that the only reason I came home was because of a promise I made to them and I really do not want to be there.

The night was just small talk. I went to bed at 1:00 A.M. and got up around 4:00 A.M.

She got up around 9:00 A.M. Saturday and just walked around the house all day like a lost zombie puppy. I was getting more and more pissed. I wanted to unload but kept my mouth shut. I was drinking and drunk. I kept checking the computer as I had gotten the account to our checkbook on line and could see when she met with the guy as she used her debit card to get gas, etc. near his house (a place that is 20 miles away from our home and a place she never goes). Found out she went to the liquor store and bought liquor (she never does this). Knew she bought a phone. I am not saying a word.

I go out to a bar. but I could not stay (my younger son called me and said do not anything stupid). I went home and started to drink. I was listening to Tom Wait in our family room drinking and smoking (I never smoke in the house). I was in total pain. My wife comes down to the family room insisted I go to bed with her around midnight on Saturday. We got into bed. I wanted sex (but did not say anything). She reaches over and taps me on the shoulder and says good night rolled over (I thought WTH). I lost it inside. I got up and said I can't sleep and I told her I can't take it. I told her that I need to come home on the weekends and have fun and her just walking around the house like a zombie will not cut it. I told her I am leaving and will be back home after the New Years. She said she did not want me to leave that this is my house too. I could not take it any further. No remorse, TT, etc. I packed up the little bit of stuff I brought in to our house and was ready to leave at 1:00 A.M. I have had three hours sleep in past two days and I was drunk. My wife stayed in bed and fell asleep (truthfully she was exhasuted as she was not sleeping - no pity on my part)

As I was leaving the house (some Christians will understand this) Thre was something like a voice telling me to check the Sears credit card. WTH. Am I cracking up I forgot we had one and I found it. I honestly do not know where my wife keeps our account stuff and like a robot I was led (I think by God) to a drawer (one I never go into because I never had a need to look in it). And there under a stack of papers was all our online account information.

i got my computer out and low and behold I found she had a secret phone account.

She lied to me and my sons about this (no surprise right?)

I went upstairs and woke up my older son, went into our bedroom and turned on the lights and woke my wife up. I started to threw her clothes out of her closet and told her to leave as I know all about the phone. I was cursing. My wfie was defient saying she would not leave. I disabled her car. She was pissed. My son was about to call the cops and I told him just stay with me and witness what I am doing as I would not harm his mother.

I showed my wife all the actions I had taken for a divorce and she was shocked.

She fell to the floor and grabbed my leg and was begging me not to leave or divorce her.

I told her to get her ass downstairs and come clean.

I started to smash pictures of the two of us she had around the room. I started to burn our wedding album and my son took it from me. I handed my wife my wedding ring. My wife told me to sit down. I grabbed another bottle of booze and sat down. I told her that this is her last chance to come clean or I will finish the divorce papers on Monday.

She lost it and opend up like a floodgate. Confessed everything.

There is a hell of lot more to write as all this went on for hours, but I have no doubt that she told me everything.

I told her that If I ever found out that she left anything out or the answers she gave me were wrong there will be no discussion.

I was not bluffing about the divorce but will give R one chance. Right now she is having blood work done for STD's and pregnancy and I am three hours away.

warlock07

You need to take care of yourself. Drinking won't help. I hope this is a temporary thing.

The secret phone, was it after the D-Day?

calif_hope

Thorburn....

You have had and you have to maintain the high road.....you need to cut off the booze, not one sip. In a drunken state your current superior position in your relationship and you life can be list in on drunken split second.

Take care of yourself.....your sons have your back on this but like any son worth anything will defend his mom against a drunken man no matter what she did to him and I think the sober you would want them to.
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aug

She did this 12 years ago?

That's at least twice that you know of.

I wonder if she's a serial cheater?

Sigh, that's a tough spot you're in.

Thorburn

I hear a cell phone noise twice some time ago. It was muffled. My dog started barking the second time it went off. I had my phone in my pocket and her phone was next to me on a table. I knew she had another phone. She came down stairs and I mentioned that I heard a muffled phone. She looked shocked and said that it was my son's phone upstairs. I went outside and called my son and he had his phone on him. I did not bother to look for this phone I just figured it will be a matter of time. The next day she came to me twice, once in the morning and once in the evening to explain the sound. WTH. I knew she was lying.

On D-day she told me and the boys that she did not have a second phone. My youngest son yelled at her and said dad heard it. She lied.

I found out she indeed did have on phone at 1:00 A.M this passed Sunday morning. That is when I woke her up and went nuts and told her I am tired of her lies.

Thorburn

This is what I and her brothers are trying to figure out.

Why is she like this?

Thorburn

I am done coming home drunk.

Thorburn

Warlock, I was listening and still am.

Yardman

Good move on laying off the alcohol.

sadcalifornian

Thorburn, you must get all the truth of her present and past indescretion, if you really want her to face the demon and change once and for all. She is a serial cheater. Accept this.

Although she may have come clean on this particular affair, there is a good chance that she did this between the two affairs that you already know of. Demand polygraph!!!

Considering the repeated pattern of her behaviors, this is the only way.

aug

By taking care of their daughter, do you mean you promised them to stay married to your wife?

sinnister

I understand you're hurting and I commend you for getting to the bottom of this...but you really need to leave your sons out of this.

You're involving them way way way too much in this.

Your relationship with your wife is unravelling, their relationship with their mother is eternal.

Thorburn

In her lying stage I brought this up and she said that she heard that they are not accurate but she would get one if I wanted her to do one. Now that she has come "clean" and is willing to do anything and everything I will set one up and see what she has to say.

She just got done with the Doctor and explained everything to him. I know him professionally and he spent a lot of time with her counseling her. He gave her good advice on how she needs to fix this. She will be tested for pregnancy and STD's and will be given the results over the phone. I want to see the hard copies and will ask her to sign a consent of release.

Shaggy

She is a very experience deceiver so you should expect that there is more back history than she is still telling. Demand the polygraph. And demand real therapy for her, not ministers and not peer groups.she is a sick woman to have done this and it sounds like she has done ths before.

Even when you caught her out previously parked and ready to have sex, she can home and lied to you. Se kept her affair phone too.

Btw have you checked it's call and text log for what she has been upto since dday last week.


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Thorburn

Got it.