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post #136 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 04:42 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

Just to be clear, your wife is already in an affair. Busting this affair will require exposure, no contact, a timeline from her of all their communications and meetings, IC for her, MC for you, complete access to all of her electronics and accounts.

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post #137 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 05:07 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

Even if you want to divorce her, stay?, why not c0ckblock the meeting? You should go on the trip. make it extremely hard for her to do the deed with the jerk.

Tell her you've seen the emails/text messages and have them stashed. That if she wants any chance to stay married to you, then she admits to it and ends any contact with the jerk.

Of course, she will be furious and try to make it as an invasion of privacy/and it only happened because of your "controlling" behavior, and so on.

Personally? I would start divorce proceedings, separating finances, filing with the help of a lawyer. Any woman who wants stray d!ck has already checked out of the marriage. You are merely a convenient ATM machine and a way to hide out as a "respectable" woman who has a good reputation.

Last edited by michzz; 12-16-2016 at 05:42 PM.
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post #138 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 05:29 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
Enlighten us.
I think he called her to talk about how the financial markets will respond to the new presidential administration. They probably also discussed the NFL playoff picture and what US policy towards Cuba should be going forward.

...I can't think of anything else they might have done during their phone conversation, what about you?
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post #139 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 05:44 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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I think he called her to talk about how the financial markets will respond to the new presidential administration. They probably also discussed the NFL playoff picture and what US policy towards Cuba should be going forward.

...I can't think of anything else they might have done during their phone conversation, what about you?
Maybe they shared puppy YouTube videos?
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post #140 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 06:09 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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I think he called her to talk about how the financial markets will respond to the new presidential administration. They probably also discussed the NFL playoff picture and what US policy towards Cuba should be going forward.



...I can't think of anything else they might have done during their phone conversation, what about you?


My question was more about why land line vs cell. (Eyes roll)
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post #141 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 06:34 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

I'm sorry this is happening to you friend. It hurts when someone you love betrays you. There are no words for it.

But yes...she is deep into an emotional affair, and if she goes on this trip she will meet him and they will have sex....many times.

It's up to you what you want to do, but if I were you, I would fight for my marriage and family. Tell her you know and tell her if she goes then you will file for divorce. You don't have to fly off the handle, you don't have to scream or yell. In fact, stating things in a matter of fact manner will carry far more impact than a screaming fit will. That's my recommendation.
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post #142 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 07:25 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

I find this question a bit odd. If you still love her, then intervene and work to save your marriage. If you don't love her, then let her know that you'll have divorce papers ready when she comes back from screwing her AP. Your house is burning; do you intervene or stand by and watch?
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post #143 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 08:09 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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I find this question a bit odd. If you still love her, then intervene and work to save your marriage. If you don't love her, then let her know that you'll have divorce papers ready when she comes back from screwing her AP. Your house is burning; do you intervene or stand by and watch?
It appears you have to make a choice her my friend. Either you remove yourself from infidelity or you save the marriage at all costs. Does not look like you can do both.

And I am again going to repeat this. Read the endless tales here or any forum you want to about men not being able to deal with the mind movies of their wives having sex with OM. If you sit back and let her go on this trip with no consequences what happens when she gets back. Really think you will get the truth???? Really think she will tell you she ****ed him all week end??? You'll be wondering for years.

Now as far as this crap about her being able to contact him again some other way and you not being able to stop her, that is nonsense. Of course she can do that but it does not mean you have to make it easy by putting your head in the sand. The advice to just let her go and divorce her is fine IF you want a divorce. But if you want any chance to save your marriage, you need to make her understand that while you cannot stop her you can control the outcome.

You tell her she is free to go, but that when she returns it will be to divorce papers that you will consider ripping up once she passes a polygraph test saying she did not see him, talk to him, or is not in contact with him electronically. Now if it sounds better to sit there and play the pick me game when she returns, go fo it.
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post #144 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 08:14 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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interesting twist...she told me this morning last night she couldnt sleep well because I wasnt home, so she ended up staying late. I checked the messages and sure enough she had texted him around 1am. the messages were pretty innocent, talking about weather and snow and stuff. He asks her why I wasnt sleeping at home and if things were ok between us, and she replied with something like "yes things are ok, I love that man, he is the love of my life." there were no more texts after that, it just went dark....what make out of this?
I suspect things have been off and your gut has caused you to go into spy mode. Well your wife can also pick up on things as well. Your wife must suspect that you're on to her and that text was a way to let douche know to lay low. Look for a burner phone. She may have one now.

The text that you shared on other post are definitely enough for you to intervene. This is already an EA. She hasn't sent him a naked pic because the cop instructed her not to. He's is coaching her. There's no doubt that ff this guy was within driving distance he would already been deep in her.

The time for action is NOW. This POS wants to fvck the mother of your children and you're being so passive. You must find your inner warrior and fight for your family. Once this guy slides into her, your family and everything you've built will be destroyed.

A WW in the fog longing for new d!ck may push back on a weak husband, that I suspect you are, unless he is BOLD. I'm talking Shock and Awe. Confront with the facts and making it clear that divorce is on the table. At the same time expose this POS to his wife and your wife's family. You must not give her no quarter.

Have VARs in her car and room that she normally goes to have private conversations so you can capture calls that she's inevitably going to make to try to get their story straight or to some "friend" that she may confide in.
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post #145 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:29 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Originally Posted by straightshooter View Post
It appears you have to make a choice her my friend. Either you remove yourself from infidelity or you save the marriage at all costs. Does not look like you can do both.

And I am again going to repeat this. Read the endless tales here or any forum you want to about men not being able to deal with the mind movies of their wives having sex with OM. If you sit back and let her go on this trip with no consequences what happens when she gets back. Really think you will get the truth???? Really think she will tell you she ****ed him all week end??? You'll be wondering for years.

Now as far as this crap about her being able to contact him again some other way and you not being able to stop her, that is nonsense. Of course she can do that but it does not mean you have to make it easy by putting your head in the sand. The advice to just let her go and divorce her is fine IF you want a divorce. But if you want any chance to save your marriage, you need to make her understand that while you cannot stop her you can control the outcome.

You tell her she is free to go, but that when she returns it will be to divorce papers that you will consider ripping up once she passes a polygraph test saying she did not see him, talk to him, or is not in contact with him electronically. Now if it sounds better to sit there and play the pick me game when she returns, go fo it.
She's already cheated. Do you still want to be married to her?

Give her a choice : go and return to divorce papers or stay and work on the marriage.

I'll bet a dollar she'll still go because she has little respect for you. And, she'll think you're bluffing.


“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #146 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:46 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

Here's what I'd do:

If she's driving or hitching a ride to the airport, wait for about ten minutes and text her, "I'll have divorce papers ready when you get back from your vacation." If she calls you, don't answer. If she texts, don't answer. If she cares enough to turn around, then tell her, "I know but I'm not going to tell you what I know. You, on the other hand, have today only to tell me everything, and if it doesn't match up with what I know or if it leaves me with doubt, then we are done."

Don't explode or go into a tirade. Just remain cold and unassuming.
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post #147 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

I forgot my password and was afraid to get locked out of this.....am going to chill for the weekend and see a therapist and attorney on Monday, am off for the rest of the year. Today even my boss, she told me "you dont look allright, whats going on??" I told her it was nothing serious, just stressing over the holidays, I have known her for over 10 years, she knows.
The trip still a while away I have time to get my head together, investigate some more and lay low I think, I dont know, I suck at this am sure. I am worried I will f*ck up any confrontation, lose my thought, things like that, I dont know crap about this stuff.
I am definitely not giving her crappy sex, I always do oral on her and make her finish, she does her fem ejac thing and all, many times (sorry....just want to be clear), at least 3-4 times a week, what hell else does she want??

I did have a fling thing with her sister geez like right before we got married very long time ago, she is a couple years younger than W and was very very hot then. She pursued me, am pretty sure she was mad that her sis was marrying me and getting new house, car, etc....but we never had sex, kissed and groped but that was it, and only once. Her sis invited me to her dorm one time after that and I said no, we never even talked about it since then ever, and W is not suppose to know anything.....I doubt she suddenly found out. I know what I did was wrong but I was young and stupid and was most definitely pursued very hard....f me I knew this would come back and bite me one day....but man it was nothing and in the end I stood my ground and said no.
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post #148 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 10:15 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

Quit making excuses to sit back and do nothing. What happened years ago before you were married has no bearing on this. Your wife is making a conscious decision to have an affair behind your back and you are paralyzed with fear.

All you have to do is send some info yo the other mans wife and sit back. You lay around and wait for them to have some hot affair sex you'll be in 100 times worse shape because not matter what you'll want to try and take her back. Living with that will be a killer.

They don't care if you your life, family and future is destroyed in the process.

Better wake the hell up!!!!!
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post #149 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 10:17 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

Read up and wake up

http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LEV...ibKkng5eOcfGc-
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post #150 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 10:19 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

Consistently you've been told by people who have been through what you're going through now, that you need to either divorce, or absolutely crush her fantasyland with this guy by exposing and filing for divorce. I totally agree. I've been where you've been. Didn't eat for two months.
Couldn't function properly, couldn't think clearly.
You can't, either.

So here's what to do:
File for divorce.
Expose to other man's wife and coldly tell her she can either end her fantasy and make amends, or divorce it is.

There is no middle ground in this. It's either f up her world and see true remorse, or divorce.

Either way, the fact is that your wife isn't in love with you right now. Filing for divorce and exposing to other mAn's wife should be priority one.
When she comes and asks you why you ratted them out---- just shrug your shoulders and act like she's the plague. She is.
SHE can make this right with YOU. If you act like you even care about her at this point, you'll repulse her. That's how a real man acts in her weak mind.

Sorry, but nothing but iron will of superman can be shown here. Not what you're feeling/showing.
You don't have choice if you want to keep your family. You will want to kiss her and hug her and make love to her if she ACTS remorseful. You'd better resist that urge. The more she sees you as hatefully angry and disinterested in making up, the better.
Everything you want to do-- do the opposite.
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