Originally Posted by MarriageEjected View Post
So what if I stop the PA, then what? she has already shown her intent and this is whats killing me. I mean this guy this ugly as sin and heavier, older than me,.....wtf?? if I stop the PA will she come to terms with herself? or will I have to chase her and spy on her from now on?? am not up to that, am way too busy and have an intense career for that nonsense. I am so lost, I cant concentrate for anything, dont know how much longer I can handle it.
This becomes the entire issue for me. Whether she meets him or not, the betrayal has already occurred. If they have sex or not is merely a detail.
Trust is a non-negotiable pillar of a relationship for me. There are no half measures. If I can't trust my wife 100%, I can't trust her at all. I won't have that.
No doubt that people make bad decisions when they are weak and vulnerable. I am all for setting boundaries to protect my marriage and keep us both from being in situations that could lead to an irrevocable mistake. That said, your wife's behavior has required countless conscious decisions to proceed down the path that led here.
You could probably stop this from happening, but what does that really change? There had to be reasons that you would feel the need to read her texts the way you did. I assume that this action is contrary to your employer's policies and could result in some form of disciplinary action. If so, you must have felt a compelling need to know what she is up to in order to take such risks.
Search your soul. If you are someone who can live with some level of betrayal provided no body fluids are exchanged, blow the thing up. If you are like me, don't waste the time and show her the door. I can see no upside to a life in which I have to conceal what I know so that I can continue to spy on my wife. Either have no reason to spy or end the marriage. JMO.